the_topiary

JLWM1428

I'm at work now, but I'll see if I can find its receipt in my emails later on. Failing that I'll send you a message this evening

Yep. Absolutely no problems with it at all so far.

I got mine from John Lewis, it's a rebranded Electrolux. A little more than your ceiling (and slightly smaller capacity as it's only me) but it's been bulletproof and has washed all sorts of things, wetsuits, trainers, pillows etc without so much as a blocked filter. JL do make larger capacity ones too, and their delivery and warranty is brilliant.

My employer at the time said they weren't going to pay me for it, and that if I wanted to have any income I'd have to take the time spent at the courts out of my annual leave allowance.

Deer attractant in a super soaker, then either spray it through the letterbox (if you have one), or from a nearby window.

Some while ago. My dog was poorly (he'd been to the vets and was end of life) but I had to travel quite a long way for a professional exam. I failed it, headed home, and the first thing I had to do when I got back was bury my dog. He died alone, in the garden, waiting for me to get back. I absolutely sobbed.

I can keep hens but not cockerels. I can't make soap, or leather, or be a blacksmith.

I'd rather black pudding than white pudding.

Music. I taught myself the saxophone and joined a windband when I was in university. Almost 20 years later I'm still there every Wednesday and practically all my friends are also from it.

Mine is like having the vacuum cleaner on, but the pitch is lower. It's possible to ignore it when working but not possible to get any sleep with it on, as it's just too loud. The compressor kicking in and out is like a fridge ×10. I don't have a portable split but I'm considering it for this year.

Extremely loud, not as effective as you might think, but a lifesaver when it's just too hot. If you can get a second hand one that you don't mind making a shroud for (or if you're brave, modifying the case of), I would recommend you vent the incoming air for the 'hot' side as well as the exhaust air. That will stop it using cooled room air to vent the hot, and will make the whole thing more efficient by preventing it drawing in hot air from elsewhere in the house. Better still, consider getting a portable split system so the hot side is outside.

Work me is extroverted, polite, well spoken, inspirational to colleagues and positive. Real me is suicidally depressed.

Pantomime

Cadbury giant buttons, but ONLY if the production code says 'OBO'. Otherwise they taste like crap. And also jaffa cakes. They last literally seconds and I've had to force myself to buy them only when they're on sale.

Friend of mine is a dentist and said that whenever possible you should try to keep teeth. Otherwise the adjacent and opposite ones move around and can cause all sorts of problems down the line. To be honest though for the amount you're being charged for the root canal and crown, you might as well look into getting an implant.

Going for the rogue option and saying Lidl. Their DIY tills allow you go through really quickly, and you can scan Lidl plus whenever during the process. Lidl pay makes it much easier too.

No-one can hear in gHz, but they can in kHz. The human range of hearing is generally between 20-20,000Hz (or 20kHz), and as we get older we hear less from the top end. Start around 18kHz and work down from there. Assuming you're a reasonable amount older than the people you're trying to annoy, you should aim to bring the frequency down until you can just about hear it and then go up a bit until you can't. There are devices you can buy that generate incredibly loud, high pitched noises, but often they're in the average person's hearing range so they can be annoying.

Doing a Marie Antoinette. Good plan.

Go to bed at half ten, alarm is for half six.

I use a manual toothbrush in the office when I brush my teeth there (sometimes I shower at work after cycling in, or if I've eaten a stink-food lunch I brush my teeth afterwards), but an electric one at home. I prefer the manual tbh, you can give your teeth and gums a proper scrub (yes, I know you shouldn't).

The BLURST of times?

Amazon and ebay are both bastards for that. I used Amazon to buy some fish food because I ran out and thought I'd bought more (but hadn't). For six months afterwards Amazon thought I had some sort of fish food fetish and advertised it literally everywhere.

Here in West Wales it's heckin' wimdy but otherwise it's okay.

Where I used to work we weren't allowed phones on the shop floor because of data protection, but now I'm expected to have my phone on me in case a colleague needs me for something.

Giving me a workload I can actually achieve in the time I'm paid for, rather than my having to work 50 hour weeks for 35 hours pay. I guess that's not a perk though, so I'd pick flexible working.

Yeah, it usually takes a couple of days for me to adjust to the 'jet lag'.

(Assuming they're a couple) Get flowers delivered to them that say "I just wanted to say that I still love you [name of woman], Love [man's name that isn't the guy].

April to October it's open all the time. In the winter it's open after a shower or bath for a bit but closed to keep the heat in otherwise.

"Please may I have" is being replaced by "can I get". For some reason it winds me up no end.

The variety of fish for sale has got less too. It's just cod, salmon, haddock or basa in pre-packaged plastic things now, whereas I remember being able to get trout, bass, ling, monkfish, swordfish and other exciting types of fish quite easily.

There was a sense of optimism for the world that I don't think has been the same since the mid 2000s. It felt that things were really getting better, you could achieve great things in your life. Plus there was the ability as kids to go out with your friends, do something embarrassing and not have it photographed and put on social media. There was a more obvious social contract too, so if as a kid you went out and were a little scrote, it was acceptable for you to be told off by whichever adults were around. Technology was advancing at an incredible pace, but wasn't as easy to use as it is now. It taught a generation of problem solvers skills they can use all the time. Roads weren't quite as busy which made walking and cycling to friends' houses much safer.

After my grandfather pulled out of a T junction into the path of an oncoming van, because he had the wrong glasses on and it was slightly foggy, he needed his leg set and broke a couple of ribs. Mercifully; the van driver was completely fine. We sold his car before he even made it out of hospital. Was it the correct thing to do? No. It wasn't. Was it the right thing to do? Yes. It was. He had a strong community of friends and relatives around him (despite living in the arse end of nowhere) and got lifts, things delivered etc. It actually saved him a lot of money in then end as he wasn't paying for diesel, tax, insurance etc.

I don't really feel the sting or the tingle either. It just feels cold when I get out of the shower.

SR.N4 from the hovercraft museum. Just so that I can take a line-of-sight journey to basically anywhere, and bring my friends, their cars, their friends and their cars too.

Reminds me of [this song... ](https://youtu.be/cwe8fardD04?si=E9LYxZM8jdQzrZRk)

Diving training. First time: The tidal current was stronger than the dive leader anticipated, and we had been underwater slightly longer than planned. Trying to swim back toward the shore the waves started to get choppy and I was swept along the shoreline away from the cove we were supposed to be getting back into. I was turned around by a particularly strong wave and was hurled repeatedly against the jagged rocks, back first. Wearing what's essentially a bomb on your back and being flung against rocks when you have almost no energy to swim left, and not enough air to make it if you try to dive again was scary. Second time: Diving in a flooded quarry. I was young and dad (who, at the time was well-insulated with a layer of blubber) decided to cheap out on drysuits and get wetsuits for us both. I was a scrawny teenager at the time with no body fat and the suit he got was much too big for me. Down we went, in October. Water temperature was something like 6°, there was a windchill on the surface too. Water was flushing through the suit so I got extremely cold, and then back ashore the wind made it worse. Eventually I felt fine, but the dive leader noticed I was slowing down and had gone blue, rushed me into the nearest pub and got me to sit by the fire. Hypothermia is weird... Anyway, I remember the way he told off my dad for being such a cheapskate and economising on something so important. Also, glandular fever. I got the fever rather than the tiredness and lost three stone in a fortnight, went down to just a little over 6 stone. Lymph nodes like grapefruits, unable to eat or drink without throwing up. I should have gone to hospital but could barely sit up in bed. Still, eating to put the weight back on was fun.

Crumpy trouser press.

I used to do it quite a lot, but not so much any more. Fuel prices haven't helped, but also traffic. Nothing better than just trundling along a fairly empty motorway with the tunes on for an hour or so, particularly when you need to just get away for a while and have some alone time.

Probably reinsulate the house and spend anything left on things I'm not quite handy enough to DIY.

Up at 0630, out of the house by 0645. Arrive at the office at \~0705, shower here, sort out the carnage in my inbox, head over to lidl at 0800 to get breakfast and lunch for the day. Then start working at about 0830, start getting paid to work at 0900. Keep going all day, stop for a quick lunch at my desk, stop getting paid at 1600, stop working at 1800, get back home at 1840. It's awful and it's destroying my mental health, but that's what working in a University does.

I remember a fairly similar question a few weeks ago which I answered then. Grew up in the 90s and went to a state secondary school in the Home Counties. PE was torture if you didn't like rugby, football and cricket. I've never liked team sports and was never very athletic. I loved trampolining, swimming and badminton, but those were sports which (while the school could provide) were reserved for year eleven. By then, the undermining comments, the having to go out in the thinnest PE kit ever while it was sleeting and the teachers dressed as the Michelin man were saying 'it's not cold', the shouting, the 'you mustn't wear glasses' and then a 'what do you mean you can't see the ball?' had done their damage and I hated PE with a vociferous passion. We did a trial term of going into a gym with weights and machines, which could have set us up for gym membership and good exercise habits after school but because like the other activities it set up the bespectacled non-athletic introverts to fail, I can't bring myself to go in to a gym because it terrifies me. So, I think there's a lot that PE lessons did wrong in the past, and I'm glad that they're not the same today. In other lessons though, I think the biggest habits that have changed is that parents used to believe a teacher in preference to a child, whereas now I think teachers' major struggles are against parents who see school as responsible for their child's upbringing rather than teaching them lessons that they can then supplement at home. And that their little darling could never do anything wrong. Yes, I know that society isn't the same any more and lots of parents aren't able to dedicate the time necessary to supplement their children's education like we had in the 80s and 90s, but they can surely potty train their kids and teach them the alphabet before they start school? They can surely teach the child what's right and wrong? They can surely help encourage a child to read and imagine and play with their friends?

In the early 2000s I inherited some money from my grandfather (who was a frugal man when he was alive) which was just enough for me to pay to retrain and change career. However my sister and I have both otherwise made it on our own and are clear to our parents that we're not expecting to inherit anything, and that they should be able to enjoy the fruits of their labour themselves.

Feux Orange was amazing. I managed to track some down on ebay a few months ago that was found in a disused petrol station. £25 each but so worth it for the nostalgia.

I play an organ made in 1870, does that count?

The sensible answer: I'd ask them if they would put up a frosted film on their window so that they get the light but not the view, and/or if I could fix a trellis to their wall to grow something that climbs. If the windows have been there for >20 years they'll have the 'right to light', and you can't block their windows so a trellis is out of the question. Given the cost of them, I'd be willing to let them choose a film and I'd buy it for them. The fun answer: Naked sunbathing would stop them being tempted to look out. Especially if you were also looking in at the same time.

I use a browser extension that automatically goes through the page to reject cookies. And for sites that make you pay to reject, I just don't go on them.

I was in primary school in the early 90s. We had sex education with a video that probably even people in the 70s would say was unnecessarily hairy. Someone in my year 5 class was physically sick from watching it.

Perhaps in the mid 2000s I would have, as back then societal acceptance felt higher and any negativity could be reported to the police with a reasonable confidence they'd do something about it (ie actually turn up, and they had some campaigns then too), but I absolutely wouldn't any more. There's too much risk involved and the last few years feel as though we're going backwards in terms of acceptance and tolerance.

I have a magic porch. If next door gets something delivered to them and they're not in, most of the local delivery people know to put it in my magic porch and next door can come and get it whenever they're ready. I don't go out of my way to take it to them though, and if it's something enormous I'll put it on the windowsill so they can see it's there. Works okay for us. It's only once every few weeks though. If it were all the time I'd ask them to get one of those parcel bins and just lock the porch door as well as the front door.