eltedioso

Famous Jesus quote: “Jesus is the vine; the people other than Jesus are the branches.” Just rolls right off the tongue. I can see why that guy became a hit.

I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

Posted by 808gecko808@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 40 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Jokes are to elevators as music is to elevators

What are Michael Jackson's pronouns?

Posted by Anonymous_Guy4k@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 31 comments

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Two things happened today. First, I learned that my penis is not as long as a 6-inch sub from Subway.

Posted by J_S_M_K@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 64 comments

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A hooker rides a horse and starts making noises

Posted by xStar24x@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 25 comments

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What do you call a fly without wings?

Posted by InitiativePlus877@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 19 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

It don’t matter what you call it, it ain’t coming

What’s your favorite number?

Posted by BahamaDon@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 14 comments

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[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/88\_(number)#In\_neo-Nazism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/88_(number)#In_neo-Nazism) Neo-Nazis use the number 88 as an abbreviation for the Nazi salute Heil Hitler. The letter H is eighth in many European Latin alphabets, whereby 88 becomes HH. Often, this number is associated with the number 14, e.g. 14/88, 14-88, or 1488; this number symbolizes the Fourteen Words coined by David Lane, a prominent white supremacist.

Why is 89 jealous of 90?

Posted by Frosty_Dig4148@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 34 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

I don’t trust stairs.

Posted by gmthisfeller@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 4 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

They start out on the level, but then they fall off

Covid, AIDS, and the Flu walk into a bar

Posted by cornersofthebowl@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 23 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

He’s married to Jesus?

There are no canaries on Canary Island. The same thing is true about the Virgin Islands.

Posted by FunnyKozaru@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 63 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

What about Isle of Lucy?

"Are You Jimmy Ray?" by Jimmy Ray | No Hit Wonder from 1997 - Somehow made it to #13 on Billboard and yet no one ever knows what I am talking about. Now you have to watch it.

Posted by epidemicsaints@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 515 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

I liked it then and I like it now

So, I just went to order a Polish Sausage

Posted by DaFoxtrot86@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 49 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

I didn't even know he was sick

So, I just went to order a Polish Sausage

Posted by DaFoxtrot86@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 49 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

This is a Norm MacDonald bit

Heisenberg walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll it be?”

Posted by Historical-Buff777@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 20 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

I understand that it’s a reference to Werner Heisenberg the physicist. But what were the writers trying to say with that, exactly? It’s never been clear to me why Walter would choose that pseudonym. “Heisenberg=uncertainty” is an almost embarrassingly shallow understanding of the science and an attempt at something thematically rich.

Have you heard of the Greek hero Bofadees?

Posted by lovejo1@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 27 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Well he wasn’t just some deadbeat

Your mom is like a movie theater

Posted by Temporary_Ad7469@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 3 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

And she smells like stale popcorn for some reason

Have you heard of the Greek hero Bofadees?

Posted by lovejo1@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 27 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

An ancient Greek goes to his tailor with two torn togas. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

Heisenberg walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll it be?”

Posted by Historical-Buff777@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 20 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

And that meaning was what, exactly?

Parallel lines have so much in common.

Posted by Autence@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 3 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Non-Euclideans weighing in any second now

What is the best place to kiss a geometry teacher?

Posted by Historical-Buff777@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 18 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Isn’t that accute

My best friend told me he has a 9 inch long penis

Posted by Trading_Cards_4Ever@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 97 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

What, like a spelling bee?

My best friend told me he has a 9 inch long penis

Posted by Trading_Cards_4Ever@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 97 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Mine is like Delaware. Came first, and easy to forget about.

My best friend told me he has a 9 inch long penis

Posted by Trading_Cards_4Ever@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 97 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Ooh, another one of those, please

My best friend told me he has a 9 inch long penis

Posted by Trading_Cards_4Ever@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 97 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

That depends, what’s your normal punchline supposed to be?

My best friend told me he has a 9 inch long penis

Posted by Trading_Cards_4Ever@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 97 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

I’m still not getting it. Can you type out like 5-10 more examples?

My best friend told me he has a 9 inch long penis

Posted by Trading_Cards_4Ever@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 97 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

“Anti-joke”? Like, not a joke? I’m just trying to understand

My best friend told me he has a 9 inch long penis

Posted by Trading_Cards_4Ever@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 97 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

I don’t get it

My best friend told me he has a 9 inch long penis

Posted by Trading_Cards_4Ever@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 97 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Mine is like Louisiana. Swampy and stinks of flavorful stews.

If a king sleeps on a king mattress, and a queen sleeps on a queen mattress, what does a prince sleep on?

Posted by gmthisfeller@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 99 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

That's shocking to me! she doesn't really seem to have any sort of social life at all

If a king sleeps on a king mattress, and a queen sleeps on a queen mattress, what does a prince sleep on?

Posted by gmthisfeller@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 99 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

You know my mother?

If a king sleeps on a king mattress, and a queen sleeps on a queen mattress, what does a prince sleep on?

Posted by gmthisfeller@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 99 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Zappa?

If a king sleeps on a king mattress, and a queen sleeps on a queen mattress, what does a prince sleep on?

Posted by gmthisfeller@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 99 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

I assume that's some sort of diner sandwich, and yes.

If a king sleeps on a king mattress, and a queen sleeps on a queen mattress, what does a prince sleep on?

Posted by gmthisfeller@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 99 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Oh, right! now I get it

If a king sleeps on a king mattress, and a queen sleeps on a queen mattress, what does a prince sleep on?

Posted by gmthisfeller@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 99 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Like Charlie Chaplin? Or like the dog in the spaghetti movie?

If a king sleeps on a king mattress, and a queen sleeps on a queen mattress, what does a prince sleep on?

Posted by gmthisfeller@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 99 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

I don’t get it

Blondes on "who wants to be a millionaire"

Posted by MarriedSilverMr@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 131 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

No it’s cause they work with Howard Stern

Old Soviet joke: a man goes to a newsstand every day and looks at just the front pages of all the newspapers.

Posted by Ralph--Hinkley@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 48 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

In Soviet Russia, punchline tells you

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Posted by MileHiGuy523@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 25 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Thank you for offering affection and human touch, when the rest of society considers me an outcast. This was a really meaningful moment for me, and I thank you.

What type of dreams do plumbers have?

Posted by EvilBob772@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 11 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

Shitty pipe dreams

An old man has throat cancer

Posted by metzgerama@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 17 comments

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eltedioso@reddit

I heard it where the dude didn't have throat cancer, but his jaw was wired shut from an accident. I think that makes more sense, and the delivery can be better when you tell it.