jcmatthews66

I was really drunk walking downtown once with one foot in the street and one on the curb and a cop said “you’re drunk!” I said “Thank God, I thought I was crippled!”

I have always been mocked whenever I've opened up about my Viagra addiction.

Posted by Valuable_Tax_8446@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 14 comments

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jcmatthews66@reddit

I thought I was taking Viagra, but it was Naproxen. I’m not as stiff as I should be.

I just got back from Kuwait where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.

Posted by gmthisfeller@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 50 comments

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I got a handjob from a blind woman once

Posted by Competitive-Case-950@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 67 comments

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jcmatthews66@reddit

She had the biggest hand you ever came across

What does it mean when your pee is red?

Posted by MeepRJ@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 5 comments

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When a woman sleeps with a bunch of men, she's called a slut.

Posted by J_S_M_K@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 102 comments

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jcmatthews66@reddit

Tell me about it…. Not as bad as that goat fucker thing though.

A redneck's house is on fire so he calls the fire department. He says, "Come quick, my house is on fire!"

Posted by Jokeminder42@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 90 comments

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jcmatthews66@reddit

Just get behind me and turn off a mile before I do

I finally found a house in my price range. I

Posted by TheActualJonesy@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 11 comments

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I bought a rent house in 1999 that was a hoarder house. The renters were evicted and we had a fuckton of stuff to haul off. Not to mention the abandoned cat that was left. Luckily I had a construction background and could fix all the issues. The problem is now all these corporations are buying houses like this like they are in pristine condition. I really don’t understand the business model they are using now, but it certainly makes it hard on a normal person to buy a distressed home.

ULPT: Harmonica?

Posted by ladamiansmalls@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 63 comments

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jcmatthews66@reddit

Ha, I had a horn from a junker and hooked it up to my friend’s trailer brakes. Every time he hit the brakes it would honk, but because it was tucked under his rear bumper he didn’t know it was coming from his truck. Another time I put black tape over his backup sensor. He was too lazy to get out to see what was behind him and he did about an eighty point turn. I won’t mention the crap he did to me….

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gasses here!"

Posted by Historical-Buff777@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 28 comments

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jcmatthews66@reddit

He will be back later

ULPT request: “I have COVID” still a valid reason to not attend jury duty?

Posted by Broad-Worry-5395@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 95 comments

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jcmatthews66@reddit

In NC. The first time I went in and got an excuse that I was closing on another property that date, then they sent another but I was actually moving so I ignored them. Then I got 2 more within a few years and ignored them too. It has been several years and haven’t heard a thing and wouldn’t hesitate to trash them again. Well unless I was unemployed or something.