Phippsy771

An Englishman walks into an English bar….

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog licking its b*lls….

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Was on Holiday in Madrid…

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“I’m sorry and I apologise mean the same thing”

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They say carrots help you see in the dark

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I got I fight with a plastic surgeon

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Your momma is so dumb….

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None months isn’t that long…

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Ive renamed my toilet Jim instead of John

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I’m getting tired of these trick or treaters this evening….

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While cooking I got some herbs in my eye

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Germans are being told to stock up on sausages and cheese

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Bad news for the dyslexics…

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To the guy who stole my antidepressants

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Whats the difference between police hotlines and glory holes?

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It takes me 3 mins to walk to the pub and 30 mins to walk back home

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Remember “bear with me” means one of two things….

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Whats good for a hangover??

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Met an emotionally unstable Polar bear attracted to both genders thst can live in both the North Pole and the South

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My girlfriend phoned me on her way to work and said to me “I saw a fox on the way to work”

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My friend asked me “Did you know a person with a complete lack of taste is ageusic?”

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I like my women like I like my coffee….

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After disputing the area of my land my neighbour stole my posts and knocked down my wall

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Whats the best part of dating a blind person that you find attractive?

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Just started watching Deja vu the movie

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Someone once asked me if there’s sex after death

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I named my dog “5 miles” so I can tell everyone I walk 5 miles everyday

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my wife suggested that she would donate her old clothes to the starving

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It’s a five minute walk to the pub from my house

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What do do you call a woman who destroys her outstanding bills??

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What do rich clouds do?

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I told my mate that I’m struggling in the bedroom so he gave my viagra

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I had that one weird freind in school that ate calculators and the people around him thought he was strange

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What does carrots, chocolate and cheese have in common?

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What did the zombie say when he saw a passenger train?

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I’ll never forget my dad’s last words on earth!

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My wife keeps bossing me around and told me to stop impersonating a flamingo

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I always a tired on April 1st

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Putting ketchup in your eyes is a bad idea….

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I had a Russian Uber driver earlier today

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Why aren’t dogs allowed in bars?

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Did you hear about the cow with weird hearing organs?

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I’m looking for employees assist in milking cows on my farm

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Little Johny walks into a bar

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Just downloaded the titanic soundtrack

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Thinking about getting a job as a mirror cleaner

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A Driving instructor has a final test for the driving applicant….

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I once dated a woman that was actually a ghost…

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I once spotted an albino Dalmatian…

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My doctor told me I was going deaf

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