An Englishman walks into an English bar….
Posted by Phippsy771@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 32 comments
Goes up to the bar where he meets a genie whose says:
I shall grant you only 1 wish. The man thinks and says “I wish I could speak to all animals”
The genie says “done” and poofs and disappears.
To see if the wish is granted the Englishman goes up to the barman and says “I bet you a pint I can talk to your dog and find your name and the dogs name”
The barman takes the bet and the man speaks to the dog “what’s your name and the barman’s name? The dog says “my name is Russell and my owner is steve”
The man repeats this to the barman who is stunned and says “blimey, your right, a bets a bet here’s a free pint”
He leaves for Scotland…
He enters a Scottish bar walks up to the barman and says I bet you a pint I can find your name via talking
to your pet dog” barman accepts the bet the man asks the dog “what’s your name and the barman’s name? The Scottish dog says “my name is Derek and my owner is called Lewis” the man repeats this to the barman who is shocked and says “damm your right son, here’s your free pint”
The man walks off to wales and walks into a Welsh bar goes up to the barman and says “I bet you a pint I can talk to your sheep and find your name and the sheep’s name too by talking to your pet sheep” the barman takes the bet “ the man asks the sheep “what’s your name and the barman’s name?” The sheep replies: “forget the pint. Call the police, call the rspca”
RepulsiveBad8681@reddit
Took me a second to get that the dog was telling jokes about the regulars. Whoever invented the multi-bar setup-and-callback joke deserves a pint themselves.
Indotex@reddit
Decent joke, I was expecting the “Sheep is liar!” punchline.
I assume “rspca” is something like “Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals”
I would suggest capitalizing “rspca” & adding what it is after the joke.
Roku-Hanmar@reddit
Bang on, mate
Time-Mode-9@reddit
RSPCA is a well known initialism in UK.
kaori_irl@reddit
and we're not british
isdeceittaken@reddit
Speak for yourself
exkingzog@reddit
The what are you doing in a Welsh bar?
OldElvis1@reddit
Trying to speak the language?
RequirementRound25@reddit
Welcome to Montana! Where men are men, women are men, and sheep are dirty little liars.
CoachSevere5365@reddit
Royal Society for Putting Cocks in Animals
martphon@reddit
r/rspca
my-follies@reddit
Long walk for the punchline, but I laughed when the sheep asked for the police.
Armamore@reddit
This one could definitely be cleaned up but the punchline is solid. Not what I was expecting.
Striders_aglet@reddit
As soon as he asks, the Welchman shouts: "That sheep is a liar!"
generally_unsuitable@reddit
Alternate ending:
The sheep says "My name's Myfanway and my owner is called Illtyd."
"The sheep says I owe you a pint."
kaori_irl@reddit
wat?
Time-Mode-9@reddit
English guy can't handle Welsh names
kaori_irl@reddit
fair enough
paul_kiss@reddit
"Sheep shaggaz"
SmarterthanDJT@reddit
What is it that everyone thinks is funny? I don’t get it at all.
SaltMarshGoblin@reddit
The joke is that the English believe that Welshmen fuck sheep...
GreedyHoward@reddit
And what the English don't get is that the sheep like it that way. Farmers are much gentler than Rams, even if they are bit smelly.
SmarterthanDJT@reddit
Ahhh… That clears it right up. Thanks!
GreedyHoward@reddit
Better punchline might be something along the lines of "what do you want to know that for? He''s MY boyfriend, hands off".
Alicam123@reddit
Need to fine tune it a bit, since you can’t walk to the bar and see a genie and the barman next to each other since the joke walked up to the bar twice in the first pub,
Also you can’t walk from the England, to Scotland to wales and also without passing at least a thousand pubs on the way there. 😒
RuddyRaccoon@reddit
Hey look, it’s the fun police! We’re all going to jail!
Shradersofthelostark@reddit
Ooh, ooh. I can ruin the fun, too!
“I wish I could speak to all animals” is a terrible wish. He can already do that. The important part is making sure you can understand them when they speak to you.
BuckWoody1206@reddit
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
CuriouslyFlavored@reddit
A missionary is sent to a remote African village to teach a tribe about morality. When the chief's wife unexpectedly gives birth to a white baby, the chief confronts the missionary.
Desperate to avoid trouble, the missionary points to a nearby field: "Look at that flock of white sheep," he says. "Yet, amongst them is one black sheep. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief pauses, looks at the missionary, and says: "Tell you what... you don't say anything about the sheep, and I won't say anything about the baby."
maybesbabies@reddit
I rewrote it for an Irish friend of mine:
An Englishman meets a genie, who grants him one wish. "I wish to be able to speak to animals!" he says. "Granted!" says the Genie, disappearing in a puff of smoke.
To see if it worked the Englishman goes to a pub and bets the bartender "I bet you a pint I can talk to your dog and get his name and yours." The barman takes the bet, so he asks the dog "what's your name and the barmans name?" The dog answers "I'm Wallace and that's Jim." The Englishman repeats it to the barman who says "By God, you're right! Here's a pint!"
Not wanting to get too well known, he tests it again in Ireland. The barman takes the bet, and the dog says "I'm Ciáran and that's Sean." Again, the barman says "Blimey, you're right, here's a pint!"
He decides to you try it again, this time in Wales. He's surprised however to see a sheep instead of a dog. He makes the bet with them, and asks the sheep. The sheep says "for fucks sake mate, forget the pint, call the police and the RSPCA!"
Arpikarhu@reddit
Cymru am byth!!!!
BahamaDon@reddit
I thought it was right funny, told my wife, and she laughed out loud as well!