GeniusMike

Still my favorite joke I ever came up with. :)

Posted by Maleficent-Cry2576@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 40 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

I have seen this one on here before a long time ago, so unless it was you who posted it back then, you did not come up with it. Reposts are certainly fine but hoping it’s not stolen credit in this case.

Dad’s dying wish (I apologize if it is too dark.)

Posted by muriqi_s@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 92 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

First time I’ve seen this joke without making the ages so young it’s creepy.

Björn, a Norwegian ventriloquist, is performing in a small fishing village.

Posted by Spadizzly@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 35 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Multiple Greek letters are used in math

A man and his wife die and meet St Peter at the pearly gates

Posted by Reecethehawk@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 60 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

At the time I made the comment, the post said they had never been married at all. OP edited the post since then.

A man and his wife die and meet St Peter at the pearly gates

Posted by Reecethehawk@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 60 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Should be man and his fiancée, not man and his wife for the premise to work.

Well, I'm into a big pair of tatas, so I thought she was the one 🥹

Posted by carrymadstraw@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 13 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Hearing aid weak, protagonist of the joke thought she said “massive two tits” rather than Massachusetts.

Creative vocabulary

Posted by Luxodad@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 23 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Maybe? Honestly I don’t remember off the top of my head as I didn’t come up with that one myself; it’s a character in “Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?” 😂

Creative vocabulary

Posted by Luxodad@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 23 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

I’ll have to tell you about Anne Tickwitty another time then. Goodnight.

Creative vocabulary

Posted by Luxodad@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 23 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Anns got to stick together!

Creative vocabulary

Posted by Luxodad@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 23 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Anna Phylactic sounds like quite the breathtaking name.

Creative vocabulary

Posted by Luxodad@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 23 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Anna, is that you?

Creative vocabulary

Posted by Luxodad@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 23 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Anna in hospital, nine ant bites

A policeman in the hospital is questioning a patient.

Posted by Omeganian@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 26 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

He probably used the door unless he was the Kool-Aid man

The man that's always 2nd (idk if thats nsfw tell me)

Posted by _Bwastgamr232@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 56 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Coincidentally, this is the second joke I’ve read today.

Made up-ish a joke…

Posted by Able_Commercial_2895@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 8 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

This is one of those jokes that really only works when spoken because it relies upon not knowing whether it’s four eyes or four i’s at first. Having it written down even with the incorrect type just doesn’t work as well. Either you write the intended type and it spoils the punchline a little or you use the wrong type like in this case and it takes too long for it to click to be funny. That’s usually how it us with jokes that rely on homophones.

A terribly constipated man goes to a doctor

Posted by ILoveTolkiensWorks@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 39 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

First time in a long time I’ve seen a joke on here I haven’t heard before.

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey

Posted by wrenhunter@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 14 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

That was my first thought as well.

Freudian slip...

Posted by Moneyman8974@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 23 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Also accidentally put “insisted” as opposed to “instead.”

A muscular young man was boasting about his physique on the building site where he worked.

Posted by New2RedBeNice@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 42 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Because at r/jokes we love an ensemble cast.

A travelling salesman got a flat tyre out in the country.

Posted by New2RedBeNice@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 18 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Not to mention launch a deadly insurrection because they couldn’t stand that they lost an election.

What's green, fuzzy, has eight legs and will k1ll you instantly if it falls on you from up in a tree?

Posted by Active-Spirit3476@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 29 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Think they meant four legs.

What's green, fuzzy, has eight legs and will k1ll you instantly if it falls on you from up in a tree?

Posted by Active-Spirit3476@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 29 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

A pool table has four legs…

A cop see’s a photon speeding by

Posted by scrubbydutch@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 9 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

AI is really bad at writing jokes.

An man from Alabama, his sister, his mother and his wife walk into a bar.

Posted by MagyarGabeN@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 71 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Can be the mother and half-sister though so close enough for the joke to work

Jason and Sam

Posted by NewGuy-1964@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 25 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Not you, the commenter

Jason and Sam

Posted by NewGuy-1964@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 25 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Because there have been dozens of accounts with that same profile pic and cookie cutter bio spamming nonsense and generic responses across this and other popular subs for months now lol

Jason and Sam

Posted by NewGuy-1964@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 25 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Neither, that is a spam account.

I got really sick after eating at a Vietnamese restaurant.

Posted by GeniusMike@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 3 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit (OP)

But apparently too many people don't know what pho is so the mods removed it because they apparently thought the post was an actual complaint. 🙄

I got really sick after eating at a Vietnamese restaurant.

Posted by GeniusMike@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 3 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit (OP)

Pho is a type of Vietnamese soup pronounced as “fuh” - so the doc said the problem was a “pho cough” not to “fuck off.” Wordplay.

I was in a public restroom depositing a number 2 and realized there was no toilet paper.

Posted by Observer_042@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 16 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

That would be a full dollar, not 95 cents.

Calvinball

Posted by psychoticwaffle2@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 7 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

That kind of nonsense works on Spongebob because it’s a children’s cartoon. As a written joke it’s just not good.

Calvinball

Posted by psychoticwaffle2@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 7 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Sounds like you made that up at the time you wrote the joke and it was never made apparent which means it just reads like some idiot got high and wrote some random nonsense.

Calvinball

Posted by psychoticwaffle2@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 7 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

I lost too many brain cells reading that. You’re higher than the man in the so called joke.

A blind woman I slept with told me I had the biggest penis she’d ever seen.

Posted by Riley_perez12@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 105 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Or rather the biggest one she’d *never* seen.

Wife: “Honey, do you think I’ve gained weight?”

Posted by soumadipb@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 7 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

That assumption is even less logical and even more baseless than your first one.

Wife: “Honey, do you think I’ve gained weight?”

Posted by soumadipb@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 7 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

If she’s asking him if she’s gained weight, that means they’ve been together long enough that he might have noticed such a change. If her weight was too much for him to want to be intimate with her then he wouldn’t have married her at all if she had always been obese. So there’s no logical reason to think they hadn’t consummated beyond playing devil’s advocate and trying to do mental gymnastics to make the joke make sense when it simply doesn’t.

Wife: “Honey, do you think I’ve gained weight?”

Posted by soumadipb@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 7 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Yeah this one doesn’t make sense because it implies heavier characters are the ones who survive in horror movies and that’s just absolutely not true. The heavier ones are usually among the first to die because they can’t run or hide as well from the monster/killer, and the movie industry generally aims to keep the more conventionally attractive people on screen for longer and have more of the focus be on them (ie sex sells). In anticipation of OP editing it to make my comment seem nonsensical, let the record show that at the time of posting, it says she looks like she would survive a horror movie.

If not for the US that the French aren't speaking German right now.

Posted by memberemember@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 91 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Democracy dates back to ancient Greece, not the French.

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for bottom deodorant.

Posted by ReasonableGator@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 57 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

She got the empty container from the last time she bought some. Store must have moved things around or been out of stock for her to ask the employees for it.

One day god is making people when he realises he has not made enough brains for them all

Posted by ausmankpopfan@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 251 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

It’s absolutely funny. If making fun of stupid people wasn’t funny then no one would laugh at dumb blonde jokes either (for example).

Things you can say whilst parking the car that you can also say in the bedroom

Posted by OpenScore@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 729 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

r/scenesfromahat would love this

Two blondes decided to run for president…

Posted by cinnamonpoptartfan@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 4 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Blondes are female. Blonds are male.

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked the flight attendant to take care of them for him.

Posted by yooperann@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 58 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Robin Williams explains it best in Good Will Hunting. Some jokes are often funnier when told in the first person, or told as if the teller knows who it happened to. I’ve posted jokes that start out as “My buddy did xyz thing” but any reasonable person wouldn’t believe it actually happened, but can also tell that it reads better than “some random guy did xyz thing”

An old Irish joke adopted to US politics

Posted by ChadwithZipp2@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 6 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

Fucking a couch is just weird masturbation and not that shocking. The joke is funnier and makes more sense with the more absurd punchline of it being a goat. Making the punchline tamer only makes it less funny.

An old Irish joke adopted to US politics

Posted by ChadwithZipp2@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 6 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

The version I always see is about a bridge builder and the punchline says goat not couch

How to you pronounce the capital of Kentucky?

Posted by MusicCityJayhawk@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 162 comments

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GeniusMike@reddit

I live in CNY and every time I tell someone I’m from New York they assume I mean NYC. There are actually several cities that share their names with states but people only ever seem to make that assumption with New York.