I hate when Doctors asks questions such as: "Are you sexually active?"

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SnooGuavas6619@reddit

Doctor: "Are you sexually active?" Duckman: "I'm VERY sexually active!". Doctor: "With other women, I mean?" Duckman: "Ah. No."

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Bernice: "Duckman, I came as soon as I heard you were hurt. Then I toweled off and got over here." --- Duckman: "I'm going to die cold, alone, and a virgin if you don't count open-house day at the morgue!"

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navejadarian@reddit

This is a lesbian named duckman?

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PoliceChiefOfMalibu@reddit

This might be my new favorite sentence. I've been laughing for 3 straight minutes. Thank you for that.

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pm_me_flaccid_cocks@reddit

Do you think her tits quack?

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Facky@reddit

Also an incredible sentence

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skwerrel@reddit

This line would fit perfectly into the actual show

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istasber@reddit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgpTFtAO7DU&t=968s

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holyfire001202@reddit

Clicking that link takes me to watch it on Duck Player

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Snaggl3t00t4@reddit

Duffman?

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Sleepyhead88@reddit

Duckman was an old comedy series

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Sparky62075@reddit

"What do you do, exactly?" Duckman: "I look at breasts. I'm also a private investigator, but mostly the breast thing."

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adamjg2@reddit

"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!"

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chris84126@reddit

He probably wishes lol

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Mikesaidit36@reddit

Are you sexually active? Not right NOW…

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Sandpaper_Pants@reddit

\*makes fapping motion\*

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McGarnagl@reddit

Duck man: “but have ya got any gwapes?”

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Clap4boobies@reddit

He was gay, duckman?

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TSDLoading@reddit

Doc: "Are you physically active?" Me: "Does sex count as well?" Doc: "Yes" Me: "Then no"

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AdditionalCheetah354@reddit

The best answer is no doctor….. I usually just lay there.

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carmium@reddit

But say *lie,* not lay, or s/he might come back at you with a shot about laying eggs.

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otherguy---@reddit

But..... in this case, he's getting laid, not lied.

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carmium@reddit

Lie; lay; have lain. Lay; laid; have... laid? God, English irregulars can be a PITA, can't they? Throw in slang terms and it's damn near impossible!!

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FrontNo4500@reddit

Lay lady lay Across my big brass bed

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carmium@reddit

It didn't sound good as *Lie lady, lie...* Sound vs semantics.

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Fire_In_The_Skies@reddit

I DID say this at my first visit to a new doc. Hilarity ensued.

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AdditionalCheetah354@reddit

Excellent!!!!

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drepidural@reddit

“Not currently.” “But I was a few minutes ago.”

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navejadarian@reddit

"not since I exited the bathroom. That one, right over there, actually."

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HopelessDigger@reddit

"do you perform the natural obligation? I'm not sexually active right now By choice"

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Sno_Wolf@reddit

Doctor: Are you sexually active? Me: No. Most of the time, I just lay there.

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FrontNo4500@reddit

Does this anal exam count?

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Independent_Bite4682@reddit

Naw, I just lay there

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FrontNo4500@reddit

Stay lady, stay. Stay with me for a while.

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TheDevilsAdvokaat@reddit

I am ineffectually active.

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ThisIsAitch@reddit

Could be considered Dormant.

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Redwolflowder@reddit

I'm just here laying dormant, waiting to erupt and glue some lady to the ceiling.

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TheGummiVenusDeMilo@reddit

>I'm just here laying [dormant, waiting to erupt](https://youtu.be/gZbWyH8mGi0?si=CfV5mGWUbThsTY8Q) and [glue some lady to the ~~ceiling~~ wall.](https://youtu.be/6zdHWb3BrEM?si=7JSpcvoyuVOIe56E) Some YouTube links to spice up your comment.

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lucky69621-3@reddit

I usually ask if they mean with or without a partner.

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Fearchar@reddit

Decades ago, in a survey in one of the European countries, a shockingly high percentage of teenagers reported being sexually active. Well, the results were skewed because a lot of those teenagers counted self-play as being sexually active.

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ElderKorean@reddit

It's not? There's me naked There's often also a naked woman or more in the room (well on the screen, but the screen is in the room) I have the matter in hand, or even with a tool I finish what I am doing. Sometimes I feel great, occasionally used. Very much not a teenager, but would answer like they did

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WatchOutItsTheViper@reddit

The twist about the volcano really caught me off guard. lol!!

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421226af16c9b2419573@reddit

I grew up in a cult. I was regularly asked by a church leader "do you have a problem with masturbation". There's a joke in the escaped community that no, I had no problem with it, I can do it just fine.

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Same_Office7466@reddit

Are you coming on to me?

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Bunhyung@reddit

I always hear this in Zoidbergs voice.

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Radiant-Bandicoot103@reddit

I'm not hearing no

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PrivateJoker918@reddit

My doctor can tell i’m not.

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crispy317@reddit

I usually say "Nah, I just lie there and let her do the work." Some docs laugh, some give you that Look.

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InternationalSalt253@reddit

Would you rather them say: you fuck anyone recently?

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drumscrubby@reddit

Sexual activity is a function of the human animal. Just like eating and shitting. what if they didn’t ask you about your diet? Would they be doing their job? This country is so backwards people really need to read books and travel.

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Blutarg@reddit

LOL and so on and so forth :)

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bnjrgold@reddit

Well, not right this second if that’s what you’re asking

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BioletVeauregarde33@reddit

Sexually active? Nah, I just sort of lie there.

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Probably_A_Trolll@reddit

If I lay here....if I just lay here....

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Brrringsaythealiens@reddit

You suck. I’ll never get that song out of my head now.

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Probably_A_Trolll@reddit

Forget what we're told, before we get too old

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GreenBPacker@reddit

Very frequently! With palmela and handgela.

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Brrringsaythealiens@reddit

Best answer is “Nah, I just lay there.”

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Nopain59@reddit

My mother, in her early 70’s, once told her doctor after this question, “ No, but my husband is. “

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WhoElseButQuagmire11@reddit

Doctor: are you sexually active? Me: No, I am Tom.

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Hungry_Adeptness8381@reddit

Hi dad

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skarpa10@reddit

Active like a timber log!

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Right-Ad8261@reddit

Yeah this always confused me. Do you deactivate one day or is it a permanent state of being?

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Raa03842@reddit

Doctor, “Are you sexually active?” Patient, “Why do you ask? Are you hitting on me or are you offering me your wife?”

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cwsjr2323@reddit

When I have my annual Medicare Physical, this question never comes up.

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WannaUnicorn@reddit

Yeah, they stopped asking me, too, and I'm disappointed because I'd love to brag about it

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Gr8zomb13@reddit

Technically, “catch” can be played by a single person…

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AccordionORama@reddit

Personally, I hate the followup question "Would you like to be?"

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livebeta@reddit

Always awkward at the proctologist or gynecologist

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Fearchar@reddit

"No, I just lie there."

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backpainzz@reddit

“not as active as i’d like to be”

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rubseb@reddit

- Why do you ask? Because my desk is shaking and I hear a thumping sound

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Shogun2049@reddit

"Depends on what you're doing after work today."

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MelonElbows@reddit

"My activity is measured in geological time"

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brutaldictatortot@reddit

One of my favorite things to say when a doctor asks if I smoke is "only crack and cigarettes" Just gotta stop em before they type it in.

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One_Economist_3761@reddit

I usually answer with: * I have hands don’t I?

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lamepunster@reddit

More of a single-player gamer than a multi-player

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ewalks2914@reddit

Love this 😂🤣

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bmiller5555@reddit

The old joke is...doctor asks woman patient if she is sexually active and she replies,"well, I don't just lie there!"

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MillhouseJManastorm@reddit

“ not at this moment no… but I can be when you are off shift”

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Utterlybored@reddit

Not currently. Oh wait, yes.

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Dashover@reddit

My sex life is like a Ferrari I don’t have a Ferrari

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simonthecat33@reddit

Why? Are you asking if I’m busy tonight?

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Snaggl3t00t4@reddit

No...I just lie there.

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mr_cigar@reddit

A man takes his 12 year old daughter to a mobile clinic in the back country of a state of your choice. He asked the doctor to put her on birth control. The surprised doctor asks if she is sexually active. The man replies na, she just lies there like her ma.

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