TheaterFire

Buy murder weapons, rope, shovel, lime, etc now, just in case you need to murder someone in the future

Posted by Scrangdorber@reddit | CrazyIdeas | View on Reddit | 73 comments

They won't search the records that far back! Plan ahead!

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73 Comments

melting2221@reddit

... lime?
View on Reddit #58878070

Scrangdorber@reddit (OP)

The stuff that supposedly breaks down dead bodies. Idk if it's true.
View on Reddit #59111407

vdday@reddit

The word you are looking for is lye, not lime.
View on Reddit #59146622

Scrangdorber@reddit (OP)

No. I was thinking of lime: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lime_(material)
View on Reddit #67203271

OverallManagement824@reddit

Lye lye lye lye lye lye. Lye la lye. Lye lye la lye la la la la lye la la la la lye.... In the corner stands a boxer
View on Reddit #60156422

sporkynapkin@reddit

Lime won’t work the victims will be saved by the buoyancy of citrus
View on Reddit #60213288

Previous_Life7611@reddit

OP meant the material, not the fruit.
View on Reddit #58882583

melting2221@reddit

Oh I see, how does that help with murder though?
View on Reddit #58882779

nutseed@reddit

lime stops animals digging up the body. police sniffer dogs are deterred but not 100%. correct procedure is to dig deep, then lime, then some earth, THEN put a dead dog, then fill. that way if the police dig, they think the sniffer dog was just detecting the dead animal.
View on Reddit #58896894

Alternative-Neck-705@reddit

In theory.
View on Reddit #59443365

nutseed@reddit

oh absolutely. i pride myself on being one of australias most prolific theoreticists.
View on Reddit #59443697

ryohazuki224@reddit

But what if you put the lime in the coconut?
View on Reddit #58904785

Alternative-Neck-705@reddit

Then you shake it all up!
View on Reddit #59443430

theguineapigssong@reddit

You also leave a DVD labelled "confession" with a single MP3 file. When the police play that, they get Rick-Rolled with Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes.
View on Reddit #59146214

EarthTrash@reddit

And shake it all up?
View on Reddit #59032912

nutseed@reddit

you leave my grandpa out of this
View on Reddit #58906145

Mesoscale92@reddit

It doesn’t speed up decomposition. It kills bacteria act actually slows down decomposition. I’ve heard of cases where the killer used lime and police said it helped their investigation because it made identification easier.
View on Reddit #58949492

Dangerous-Bit-8308@reddit

SHHH don't give good advice to potential murderers! Their last step is always to bury the architects
View on Reddit #59144464

nutseed@reddit

ah good to know thanks! most identifying components should be stored in the trophy room though.
View on Reddit #58954551

tkb-noble@reddit

They've gotten hip to this method and can use satellite imagining to see through it. Accidental pun.
View on Reddit #58946941

SteelWheel_8609@reddit

Oh so now I have to kill a dog too? This whole murder is turning into a real pain in the ass
View on Reddit #58902436

nutseed@reddit

honestly, I'd much prefer to use other animals, but people don't usually bury other animals. i suppose i could switch to cats though now that i think about it
View on Reddit #58943512

BillyWhizz09@reddit

Buy an alive dog now so it’s dead by the time you need it
View on Reddit #58908209

Sisselpud@reddit

Adopt don't shop! But otherwise there is absolutely nothing morally wrong with this.
View on Reddit #58920364

SpaceCancer0@reddit

If you can't kill your own store bought is fine https://youtu.be/4vuW6tQ0218
View on Reddit #58904891

Responsible-Jury2579@reddit

Rookie
View on Reddit #58917804

Charles_Hardwood_XII@reddit

You pour it over a buried body to keep smells down and animals away.
View on Reddit #58896734

Cynical_Tripster@reddit

I *think* Lime is extremely caustic and can aid in um... Dissolving organic matter.
View on Reddit #58894212

MrTheWaffleKing@reddit

I think lime cleans up blood really good?
View on Reddit #58892213

CarlJustCarl@reddit

That’s what a serial killer would say
View on Reddit #58891355

Previous_Life7611@reddit

No idea
View on Reddit #58884195

ContextSensitiveGeek@reddit

That's spelled Lyme. Lime is the fruit.
View on Reddit #59152117

Previous_Life7611@reddit

No, [it’s lime](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lime_(material)). Lyme is a disease.
View on Reddit #59152953

Dangerous-Bit-8308@reddit

Presumably one of the various calcium products produced by heating shells or limestone. One use is for making garden soil less acidic. Another use is dissolving organic material, and reducing organic odors. If anyone is considering a homicide and needed this clarification, I recommend you rethink a lot of your life choices. Also just FYI, I'm definitely not helping OP or anyone here with those sort of plans.
View on Reddit #59144257

OverallManagement824@reddit

And a little cilantro.
View on Reddit #58894508

Tough_Text3@reddit

Fuck it, give it some tajin too.
View on Reddit #59030416

amiibohunter2015@reddit

Sour face when the body is found so you look disgusted.
View on Reddit #58955296

AutumnalCotton@reddit

If you spread the mineral lime over a fresh corpse in the ground, it masks the smell and aids decomposition thereby allowing the corpse to go unnoticed more easily. Source: I’ve buried dogs (that died of old age!) and didn’t want animals to dig up their bodies.
View on Reddit #58948374

nothing_in_my_mind@reddit

Entice your victims with margaritas
View on Reddit #58935992

Elguapo1980z@reddit

It makes the meat taste better
View on Reddit #58898530

Illustrious_Ear_4405@reddit

Smart. And it's not like you'd have to buy it all at once to avoid being suspicious. Even if you do look suspicious who cares? it's not like you did anything wrong.
View on Reddit #58872852

Responsible-Jury2579@reddit

I am just going to walk around in shirts covered in blood holding a knife. Suspicious, officer? Maybe, but have I *done* anything wrong? 😂
View on Reddit #58917960

MolassesMedium7647@reddit

Depends on local laws, possibly. You'd have to see if the jurisdiction you live in has a charge for "brandishing a weapon" that isn't just for firearms.
View on Reddit #58937057

GoBeWithYourFamily@reddit

Well don’t carry the knife around showing the blade. You can have it in a sheath attached to your belt. With blood drips on your jeans right where it would fall out of the sheath.
View on Reddit #58955821

AutoModerator@reddit

Your post was automatically removed because it contains political content, which is off-topic for /r/CrazyIdeas. Please review the subreddit rules and guidelines. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CrazyIdeas) if you have any questions or concerns.*
View on Reddit #60753158

in-a-microbus@reddit

As a farmer, I have them currently
View on Reddit #59320829

Sure_Pear_9258@reddit

What if we already work in a profession where we have access to large volumes of high concentration sulfuric acid and high concentration hydrogen peroxide? Theres no need for any of that. Just a 50 gal barrel from work and about 20 gallons of acid and 2 gallons of peroxide that nobody would miss.
View on Reddit #59207984

Finnish2713@reddit

Whaddya mean, “in case”?
View on Reddit #59186091

Hullabellyloo@reddit

None of that is needed if your toilet can flush down chunks
View on Reddit #59177254

Brian_The_Bar-Brian@reddit

Way ahead of you... 🤪
View on Reddit #59147194

FlakyLandscape230@reddit

Just find a damn hog farm and try not to get blood on you the hogs will literally eat all the evidence
View on Reddit #59033320

ryohazuki224@reddit

The key is to not buy them all at once. Pay cash too.
View on Reddit #58904704

i_notold@reddit

At different stores in different cities. Leave your phone at home too.
View on Reddit #58925067

ryohazuki224@reddit

Have friends buy them for you randomly too. Make sure they do it as a part of a larger shopping list, like it's just one more item on a long list, and it looks like its just for them if anyone asks.
View on Reddit #58948310

i_notold@reddit

Never include a "friend" even indirectly. You never know how much of a friend a person is until it's too late. On the other side of that coin, what kind of friend would use their friends to help, unknowingly, in a murder? Besides a murderer of course.
View on Reddit #58970663

deleted_by_reddit@reddit

[removed]
View on Reddit #58949346

AutoModerator@reddit

Your post was automatically removed because it contains political content, which is off-topic for /r/CrazyIdeas. Please review the subreddit rules and guidelines. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CrazyIdeas) if you have any questions or concerns.*
View on Reddit #58949347

tkb-noble@reddit

Murder is one crime that will draw lots of resources to investigate. Remember, you would be trying to fool people whose entire career has been dedicated to connecting the dots. Multiple different experts using sophisticated equipment and thoroughly tested techniques. The only way to be sure you won't get caught is if you don't do it.
View on Reddit #58947241

Jimmytowne@reddit

There are a lot of unsolved murders. A lot.
View on Reddit #58947507

tkb-noble@reddit

No doubt. However, none of them have a statue of limitation.
View on Reddit #58947828

Avoider5@reddit

They will be able to search your Reddit history though.
View on Reddit #58906280

Expensive_Watch_435@reddit

What? Maybe with a subpoena on Reddit or if they have your phone on hand, yeah. Otherwise no.
View on Reddit #58938087

thebipeds@reddit

Way ahead of you, I’ve got some trenches dug and a documented (but fake) hobby of hiking at night.
View on Reddit #58926537

thebipeds@reddit

Separately and in cash.
View on Reddit #58926437

i_notold@reddit

Buy your gear in the spring. Buy a shovel, some lime and a plant. Plant plant and fertilize, using lime, then duct tape shovel handle for "better grip"....... do things to explain away purchases.
View on Reddit #58925318

Fishreef@reddit

Basic farm tools…
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Walfy07@reddit

buy 1 of those items every few months... seems like itd be even more inconspicuous
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cbih@reddit

Big box of contractor bags
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Interesting-Web-7681@reddit

or just have plenty of DIY gardening equipment
View on Reddit #58915587

I_am_Reddit_Tom@reddit

In different stores, over a period of weeks, using cash.
View on Reddit #58912476

dem4life71@reddit

That’s…not such crazy advice.
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down_with_opp_42@reddit

I already got all that. Far ahead. 😉 Until I need that for the origin purpose, I'll use it for gardening...
View on Reddit #58876023

Dry_System9339@reddit

Good plan
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