TheaterFire

My obese parrot died today...

Posted by Wallygonk@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 99 comments

Sad, but its a huge weight off my shoulders

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99 Comments

SerenityNowWow@reddit

Polly want a coffin?
View on Reddit #5396600

figueroa3150@reddit

That's really sad to hear. Overweight parrots have a higher risk of developing health complications. It's so important for them to maintain a proper diet and it's very sad when they don't get what they need. RIP to your parrot, it's never easy to lose a pet.
View on Reddit #5400728

SerenityNowWow@reddit

this parrot is no more
View on Reddit #5401832

JoshB685@reddit

“He has ceased to be!”
View on Reddit #5408598

SerenityNowWow@reddit

No, he's stunned!
View on Reddit #5410351

JoshB685@reddit

Monty Python quote
View on Reddit #5700358

Waitsfornoone@reddit

You must be new around here. This is r/Jokes. Don't believe ANYTHING here to be real, and you should enjoy this collection of jokers, smartasses and comedians, and a few bots. \[Probably TMI - I'm in the second group\]
View on Reddit #5419110

JoshB685@reddit

Anything overweight has higher health risks. I’ve also never heard of an overweight parrot though.
View on Reddit #5408512

Gibrashtia@reddit

A nirvana reference?
View on Reddit #5403702

Matezio@reddit

Maybe Polly was the cracker after all
View on Reddit #5420616

arnelthelionjr@reddit

It is an ex parrot
View on Reddit #5396083

Various_Succotash_79@reddit

Nah he's just pining for the fjords.
View on Reddit #5396590

taooverpi@reddit

Pining for the fjords?!? He's stone dead
View on Reddit #5417307

jfa03@reddit

If he wasn’t nailed to this perch he’d be pushing up the daisies.
View on Reddit #5440858

allaboutdadpp@reddit

This parrot has ceased to be!
View on Reddit #5456391

NughtmareMoylan@reddit

r/suddenlymontypython
View on Reddit #5517682

LoyeDamnCrowe@reddit

He has been cooked and eaten
View on Reddit #5442522

L_Leigh@reddit

It is demised.
View on Reddit #5448884

ColtS117-B@reddit

Bereft of life, he rests in peace!
View on Reddit #5443972

impendingfuckery@reddit

I assume that your hovercraft is full of eels.
View on Reddit #5499069

JoakimSpinglefarb@reddit

If he wasn't nailed to my shoulder, he'd be pushing up daisies!
View on Reddit #5421606

KaiserFortinbras@reddit

Finally, a reference I get! :-)
View on Reddit #5408096

agarillon@reddit

an ex XXL-Parrot?
View on Reddit #5456175

notanotherkrazychik@reddit

If you hadn't nailed him to his perch, he'd be pushing up the daisies!
View on Reddit #5404685

thermbug@reddit

That parrot wouldn't go VOOM if you put 50,000 volts through it.
View on Reddit #5407418

monkey_trumpets@reddit

4 million volts
View on Reddit #5448513

AlisonLiterally@reddit

'e fucking snuffed it
View on Reddit #5420952

mikebloonsnorton@reddit

Unexpected Monty Python
View on Reddit #5412323

Xaz1701@reddit

Nobody expects the Monty Python!
View on Reddit #5413873

DogWallop@reddit

Give him... The comfy chair!
View on Reddit #5420661

pearlsbeforedogs@reddit

Cake? OR DEATH??
View on Reddit #5446703

rrgail@reddit

Or the Spanish Inquisition!!!
View on Reddit #5418284

ColtS117-B@reddit

It bought the farm then flew the coop!
View on Reddit #5444028

abhigyanghosh30@reddit

It has ceased to exist
View on Reddit #5439920

Stampeders@reddit

I'm not an ex-parrot in this field, but it makes sense.
View on Reddit #5423702

rrgail@reddit

He has ceased to be!
View on Reddit #5418213

jakedublin@reddit

It has joined the Choir Invisible...
View on Reddit #5403007

Madruck_s@reddit

He's just tired out after a prolonged sqwark.
View on Reddit #5416130

humperty@reddit

We had one in the military called Roper. He's now an ex parrot-roper.
View on Reddit #5405232

belzaroth@reddit

r/unexpectedpython
View on Reddit #5411742

butterfly-garden@reddit

Nailed to its perch?
View on Reddit #5399865

IDreamOfSailing@reddit

Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
View on Reddit #5407167

WaNgLeNuRpZ@reddit

It's shuffled off its mortal coil!
View on Reddit #5403481

OldSoulRobertson@reddit

Are you sure it wasn't a chicken you got for Hermit Challenges?
View on Reddit #5505237

Capitan_Typo@reddit

Have you never watched Kindergarten Cop?
View on Reddit #5497777

Swimming-Arm-3783@reddit

Arrrrrrrr you a pirrrrrate?
View on Reddit #5407091

Dougally@reddit

At least the parrot won't bite your buccaneer. Where's your buccaneer? On the side of your buccan 'ead!
View on Reddit #5496555

rrgail@reddit

I am. LOOK AT ME! I am the captain now!!!
View on Reddit #5418548

KermitingMurder@reddit

Ever since they removed doctor who from Netflix I've had no other choice but to be a pirate
View on Reddit #5411350

ShadowPlayer2016@reddit

I used to have a parrot that talked. But I had to get rid of it because it was a Holocaust denier.
View on Reddit #5416810

rrgail@reddit

I had a parrot when I was a teenager. I tried to get it to say stuff for YEARS!!! The only thing it ever said was “Birds can’t talk!” And her name: Kookoo. True story, for reals.
View on Reddit #5418488

ShadowPlayer2016@reddit

I used to have a goldfish that could breakdance. But only for two minutes and only once
View on Reddit #5483058

rrgail@reddit

“DANCE, FISH!” *Flushed toilet*
View on Reddit #5489516

ShadowPlayer2016@reddit

I had a chameleon. I took it out of the terrarium and never saw it again.
View on Reddit #5489664

rrgail@reddit

Yeah. I still can’t find the camouflage pants my wife bought me 3 years ago. Well… she SAYS she bought them…
View on Reddit #5489959

Ok-Boomerfitee7@reddit

Nice try folks... this joke is as dead as the fat parrot....
View on Reddit #5468172

fc178@reddit

Was it cause of all the *Pizzas he ate*
View on Reddit #5463090

sahkopuhdin@reddit

It is sleeping.
View on Reddit #5453294

Luked0g44O@reddit

No more, “Polly want a slice of pizza”?
View on Reddit #5448930

normannapier@reddit

so sorry, for such a huge loss
View on Reddit #5448222

Plus-Mess-767@reddit

\*Starts Slow clap!!
View on Reddit #5446008

P_Temmer@reddit

There was this gay pirate who didn't like parrots but wouldn't mind a cockatoo.
View on Reddit #5442421

P_Temmer@reddit

You were supposed to give him crackers, not cookies, dumass.
View on Reddit #5442326

estreya2002@reddit

Ya got me. I laughed out loud.
View on Reddit #5441194

P_Temmer@reddit

You blew it, dude. Now you'll never be a pirate.
View on Reddit #5439660

Disastrous_Brick_474@reddit

He needed more polyunsaturated fats in his diet.
View on Reddit #5439372

Xekral@reddit

… Polly had his last cracker.
View on Reddit #5437205

Spiritual_Hunter_804@reddit

Repost!!! Booo
View on Reddit #5436855

coachlasso@reddit

Polly got a lot of crackers?
View on Reddit #5435146

stockslayer96@reddit

It has cessed to be!!
View on Reddit #5434952

intheyard305@reddit

Dear author That is very sad. My heart aches for your loss. It is a common ritual that whilst it is fresh, that it be plucked, washed in vinegar and water, lightly seasoned, then promptly refrigerated. Then it should be given to a kind person you've recently come in contact with. The person name should start with 'Qu'. Sincerely Quintin
View on Reddit #5433092

ChaosAndTheDark@reddit

No play on the fact that parrots talk?
View on Reddit #5431064

draconamous@reddit

Parrot zombie want a brain?
View on Reddit #5429290

Romfordian@reddit

Why don't you get painkillers in the jungle? Cos the parrots eat em all
View on Reddit #5412000

DiligentHelicopter70@reddit

Is this a paracetamol joke?
View on Reddit #5427543

CamaroKoldie@reddit

BEN: I'm so sorry, your parrot died today. POLLY: Thank Goodness! I can finally eat my own crackers.
View on Reddit #5427308

tryingsomthingnew@reddit

Polly had too many crackers.
View on Reddit #5426716

Efficient_Mammoth553@reddit

Let's have a gros perroquet
View on Reddit #5425330

warpcoil@reddit

Polly had too many crackers.
View on Reddit #5417627

Sufficient-Goat-962@reddit

Came here for this.
View on Reddit #5423475

hootanahalf@reddit

Poor roly poly polly
View on Reddit #5421506

Gawhownd@reddit

I had a talking parrot but it never said "I'm hungry" so it died
View on Reddit #5419579

Strict_Succotash8908@reddit

The fat lady has sung.
View on Reddit #5418788

Waitsfornoone@reddit

First reference I've seen to *the fat lady singing* in a long time. Thanks for that quip.
View on Reddit #5419269

gcp_varys@reddit

I am sad. My parrot died. His last words were, “fuck, my parrot is dying”
View on Reddit #5419232

Optimus_Rhymes69@reddit

How many crackers did you give him?
View on Reddit #5419028

ImpiousVamp@reddit

He's in a better place now, the all you can eat buffet in the sky!
View on Reddit #5418517

N_3N@reddit

May his soul rest in parrot-dise
View on Reddit #5400404

Actual_Tumbleweed814@reddit

was gonna make another parrot joke but i realised i cant come up with any and just tell jokes that have already been told
View on Reddit #5417749

HeatSmart9932@reddit

He was shouldered long enough, he must have fell and drowned as you walked the plank .
View on Reddit #5417235

LackTop@reddit

It's just resting.
View on Reddit #5414004

ARobertNotABob@reddit

Well, if he's resting, I'll just wake him up then......(thump, thump, thump) HELLO POLLY PARROT, this is your 9-oclock alarm call !!
View on Reddit #5416010

mable1986@reddit

So you were carrying your parents around in a backpack? Yoda Jedi training style?
View on Reddit #5415449

ElBeatch@reddit

That's too bad because I heard pirates like lots of booty.
View on Reddit #5412138

JustMyTwoCopper@reddit

... and now the cat is realy fat ...
View on Reddit #5408047

Dashover@reddit

Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage
View on Reddit #5404973

The_Fat_Man_Jams@reddit

The plumage don't enter into it mate.
View on Reddit #5406428

Different-Tie-1085@reddit

Glad you feel lighter!
View on Reddit #5405770

JimAbaddon@reddit

Pirate work will become easier now.
View on Reddit #5396107