YZXFILE

• Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

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• A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

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• This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

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• A nun woke up one morning feeling great, she got out of bed and decided to go to the kitchen for some breakfast. On her way over there she runs into sister Jane and she says, "Hi sister Jane," by which sister Jane says, "I see you got off on the wrong side of the bed sister.

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• These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 196 comments

• My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me if I've seen his wife.

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• For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

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• How tall are you cowboy? I’m six feet and seven inches, ma’am.

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• Satan arrives to welcome a new damned soul to hell.

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• A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

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• A Redneck bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Redneck baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard.

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• I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don't care,”

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• A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest: “Forgive me father for I have sinned”. “What have you done?” asked the priest.

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• A husband asks his wife, "Will you marry after I die?" The wife responds, "No, I will live with my sister." The wife asks him back, "Will you marry after I die?" The husband responds,

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• A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is. He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologizes. She squats down for another go but farts again,

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• A guy has a crush on a girl... The only problem he has is every time he sees her he gets a raging boner.

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• A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle. The frog hops into the princess' lap and says,

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• 80% of the women who were asked if they fake orgasms said yes.

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• My son was born with 5 penises I was devastated His mother was devastated

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• Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 79 comments

• Did you hear about the fella who walked into the psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap underwear?

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• A guy walks into a brothel John: I've been coming here for a while and it's becoming a bit routine. Have you got something different to try?

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 39 comments

• She's lying on her back on the examination couch, her blouse undone and looks up into his eyes and says, "Kiss me doctor," "No I can't, " replied the doctor.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 85 comments

• I went to McDonald's today. I smiled at the bloke and said "Can I have a small shake please?"

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 42 comments

• Decisions, decisions Plastic surgeons can now give you a second penis.

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• 3 nurses walk into a patient's bedroom only to find him dead.

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• Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball when suddenly a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 44 comments

• A young guy goes into a drug store owned by two spinster sisters.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 22 comments

• Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 72 comments

• The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 11 comments

• Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her… As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions."First, you must wear a diaphragm."

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 1 comments

• A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 40 comments

• Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer."

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 45 comments

• When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 33 comments

• Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.

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• Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed. Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

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• It isn’t premarital sex if

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• Ben asks his new girlfriend for a hand job. "Ive never done that" she says, "what do I do ?"

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• A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink. While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head.

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• During a lesson little Johnny yawns extremely wide. Teacher tries to make a joke: "Johnny, don't swallow me."

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• It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 3 comments

• A Koala and a Prostitiute had just finished having sex, so the Prostitute said, " All right, now give me my money!" The Koala replied, " Money, what for?" " What for?", the Prostitute growled,

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 110 comments

• When the first legal brothel opened here in Brissy I got the OK from the missus to check it out and have myself a good time. I was in there like a flash and as I was the only client at that time I has my choice of the buffet on offer.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 4 comments

• "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 109 comments

• Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking Crack. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 48 comments

• A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 124 comments

• "Young man," said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. "It's alcohol and alcohol alone that's responsible for your present sorry state!"

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• A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought, "I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab."

  Posted by YZXFILE@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 80 comments

• During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders. The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, "You are such a big, burley guy.

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• If you have a grief nobody cares, If you have a pain nobody cares.

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