Aggressive-Risk9183

Yes! Getting a dog is not the answer to making friends LOL. It also highly depends on the breed. I adore my large dog but I’d say she prevents me making better friends with people as I can’t have anybody over who doesn’t like dogs.

Um you have shit cleaners because you aren’t paying them properly. A decent cleaner costs 17-20 per hour and a good one 25-30+ per hour in London. That is why I do not have a cleaner lol. It doesn’t matter what \*you\* think they should be paid. Those are the rates for competent people. Yes of course there will be people paying less (like you) and those people won’t have good cleaners 😅 I’ve just moved from the states and an excellent cleaner costs $50 p/h. I don’t know why people insist on saying it isn’t a skilled job. Could you thoroughly clean a house in three hours? I certainly can’t. It takes me ages and honestly the job is sub standard 😂

No tie (ignore the comments and it’ll be too smart) - follow the advice that says chinos, shirt, jumper or half zip (if needed) and smart ish shoes. Schools generally have a no trainers rule (for women too). This is advice for state school btw. Private may have different rules!

I feel like a lot of my friends have different values, backgrounds, life experiences, and politics to me. It’s nice and it makes life richer. It’s also a little stressful and sometimes tricky to relax or get anyone together. Most people have pretty narrow circles and that’s because they tend to be easier to navigate.

Good for him - what a legend! You sound like you have a lovely family to support you 😊

Lots of comments saying you can’t work at home with a baby - most people don’t manage it but some do due to flexibility e.g. own boss, ability to multitask, what baby is like, just pure necessity (they make it fucking work even though it makes parenting and work much harder and you have to settle for “good enough” on both and it’s extremely tiring). My wife managed it until we had a toddler and then she did it on toddler sick days and holidays as well. I personally could not do it job wise or personality wise. My wife works in short, very much above average speed bursts, and had a job at the time that worked for it.

Absolutely agree here. Doing well at GCSE and A-Level is all about preparing specifically for those exams. A good tutor who specializes in bringing up grades will be able to address this quickly (if she is academically smart). I’d also second starting in Year 10 and going back a year. The difference between UK and American education is that the UK narrows subject disciplines earlier. You could search for an American school or a private school or state school that does the International Baccalaureate.

I was referring to legislation, not attitudes and the data that is used to come up with the rainbow list is explained on their site: https://rainbowmap.ilga-europe.org/ It ranks countries on their legal and policy practices for LGBTI people.

The UK has regressed. The anti trans legislation is current.

I’m sorry. Where are you based roughly? I wouldn’t assume that you’re wrong to be careful. I do hold my wife’s hand, kiss her in public etc. and cuddle our daughter and share that she’s our kid. We live in London. We do the same thing when we move around the UK. My wife however has grown her hair out so that she doesn’t present as masc because of all the anti trans rhetoric in the UK so everybody has their own boundaries / fears / decides what they will do to live their life and what they will do to be careful.

I mean pretty accepting by now lol as I’m almost 40. People come around if they aren’t too far gone to begin with and it doesn’t sound like your family is. Also we don’t have to talk about or approve of everything we all do - we are such different people that this is an impossible ask. They accept my gay family and life. They don’t need to know about everything and get everything right or vice versa. I just introduce everything without room for chat - this is my friend and their partners. My child is autistic. No room for discussion. It’s hard if you leave any room open or express any feelings. It’s much easier to navigate with a friend group or partner in tow and when you’re older and give less of a shit about what family think. I hope it gets easier!

💯 the idea that state schools are equitable is laughable. If we bussed everyone to schools further away then maybe but nobody would want this. If we could afford private for one (our special needs child) then we would. We are also thinking of renting a one bed or studio and all fitting in for a year or so to get our kid into a better state secondary because location matters. I don’t like the VAT because it’s not about bringing less well off people up, it’s about pushing some middle class savers down. It’s a British thing but lots of people are thrilled to support policies that bring people down even if their own lives don’t get better. I’d prefer policy to make schools in poorer areas better personally.

Yep - you’d likely get the same experience walking around New York or San Francisco. It’s just a crazy dude and I’m sorry he made you feel scared. I hope you enjoy your trip otherwise!

It is a massive achievement buying a two bed flat in a safe area in London. It’s also a massive achievement buying a three bed soon. It is fair to validate his feelings but it’s not the same as when you were younger at all. He’s a kid feeling embarrassed and that would also happen if he lived in a 3 bed semi and attended private school as it’s all relative to who is in your social circle. Your kid will ultimately care about what his mates will think. You can reassure him that they won’t give a shit. If it helps, I was the richer kid growing up. I remember going to my friend’s one bed council flat and all we thought at the time was that it was so cool that we could watch whatever we wanted and eat good snacks lol. It was my first choice of where to go hang out. You guys can also pay for him to do some fun stuff with his friends sometimes. You can also get some nice food for when friends come over. It’s an expense but much cheaper than finding an extra few hundred grand for a 3 bed semi (that is in fact still squashed let’s be honest). For context, I currently live in a one bed with my five year old and we already discuss that we can move further out but then we will not live around the corner from auntie or grandma etc. Good luck!

Two pieces of advice: For the chosen career / apprenticeship etc. - find volunteer work in a similar role / sector and get to know people and build up experience. I get it sucks for you. Equally from an employer’s perspective, somebody with relevant volunteer work or who they already trust will make a better hire whether it’s fair or not. You are also likely seeing more qualified and experienced people going for entry roles with the job market so you probably need to improve yourself as a candidate for apprenticeships etc. For the part time job for some cash - make up a believable first job and learn whatever skill you need in advance e.g. pulling a pint. Don’t waste too much time on it. Be presentable, be polite, go and drop the doctored (but believable) CV round some local places and get a well spoken mate or family member to act as a reference. This is what I did for my first bar job. They never put you on the busy shift for your first one so just learn quickly and be friendly.

I wonder if my neighbors thought this about us. My child is autistic and had meltdowns all day for a year. I did alert my neighbors to her diagnosis when I got it (about 6 months into the screaming…) and was also in a detached bungalow, not a flat. The kid not being on the lease could be a poverty issue as it’s hard to rent certain flats with numerous people / children. However I understand a. the concern for the child (you are witnessing it, not us so you will know best) and b. that the noise isn’t sustainable for you.

Hoards of kids and at least 5 decorated houses or flats per street but we’re in a residential area of London. Apparently this was down on last year because of the rain!

10/10 just do this costume - she will steal the show

This is an excellent summary haha. I just moved back from the States and I’m enjoying the “live and let live attitude” and the no guns or fascism immensely. I miss the friendliness and easy American charm though.

I don’t think OP is trying to move here to bartend. They are saving money in the US doing that. It’s a high paid job there with tips. They mention healthcare and accountancy in regard to the UK.

- Cost of living in London where I am is high but you can make savings verses US cities by walking or cycling everywhere. Being able to walk places is wonderful and enables you to shop day to day. You’ll also enjoy affordable independent shops here. - Pace of life is slower but not as slow as other countries in Europe or worldwide. People do not work as hard across the board unless they work with US clients. - Food isn’t necessarily better in my opinion. I lived in California and food was much better quality there vs England. Food is cheaper here. Food (raw ingredients) *is* better and cheaper everywhere across the channel in France. - Culture is cheap and accessible here. Museums are often free. The government subsidizes the arts and ballet or opera tickets etc. are affordable. Museums usually have deals on exhibitions e.g. a card that grants you access to all of them for a monthly fee. Even something like going to a music festival is way more affordable here and crazy value for what the organizers put out. I’d say leisure and culture is one of the big advantages of living here. - Healthcare is bad here. The NHS has long waiting lists and GPs are often dismissive and act as gate keepers to services unless you know how to navigate the system. Sometimes you can wait 1-2 years for treatment. In my opinion this means that people don’t really have access to free healthcare. Getting one off private treatments and then taking that as evidence to your GP etc. works out cheaper than having private healthcare with United or someone shit. If you have good insurance then your healthcare may be comparable in cost (if you actually want to access healthcare / help here). - Transport is much better. Even if you live in the countryside there’s usually a bus to get you somewhere. - You’ll be extremely hirable as an American here but bear in mind that extra holiday, more sick days, slower pace of work (I.e. less productivity) means a lower salary. - People don’t overspend here to the same degree. It’s more relaxing to be here if you are broke. We don’t have access to such easy credit lol. - If you can manage to get a good job somewhere like Edinburgh or Glasgow then you are laughing. Affordable cost of living, walkable cities, great public transport, accessible culture, easy access to Europe, easy access to the countryside and mountains / green fields. I’d also recommend Newcastle, Liverpool, York. We have some beautiful cities in the North of England. You just have to find someone that will pay you to be there! - Houses / apartments are usually smaller but sounds like you don’t mind that! Rentals often don’t have tumble dryers even though our climate is rainy and cold😭

Working in a high end music studio and clients used to share their very expensive tequila. Before I worked there I didn’t think I liked it… but I wasn’t drinking the good stuff lol. And living in California on US salaries before kids and pre pandemic (when money went further) gave me a taste of the high life. Trying fancy restaurants in LA was fun and you don’t have the “are you dressed properly?” thing as it’s a city of transplants wearing casual clothes. It’s a little hard to go back to being slightly broke, living in a little place, and using a coffee flask in England.

Such a weird argument lol and ditto for GP surgeries. I’m a sound engineer and I’m not going to suggest that gigs happen in the day during the work week. Now recording sessions… I’d love some Nashville 8-6pm hours please but nobody anywhere else is going to do that lol.

Yes it’s a resources thing etc. It’s also a cultural thing based on not trying too hard and it’s our collective obsession with class and knowing your place or sticking with a safe or known option. The “not trying” is the same reason why joining clubs etc. is “lame” even as adults. The most embarrassing thing is also to try and fail in the UK. I was party to this mentality even though I’m middle class because I attended a state school. I am unsure how to break it with my kid as I can’t afford to send her to private school (very far off being able to afford it lol).

Wtf - why are you lecturing somebody on this. I always called the UK home when living in another country. People can have two homes and it’s fine (and none of your business or concern) if some people colloquially refer to the place their family is from as home. Others will not. You talk as if you get to decide how people define themselves or where they call home. You absolutely do not have that right - it’s a personal decision.

I was explaining to my kid how in real life the line is blurred between “good” and “bad” and how life is complicated unlike in superhero movies. Then she said: “so Elon Musk isn’t really bad then?” And I was like “actually no, he’s pretty clearly a super villain” so maybe the Marvel Universe is bang on.

Why did you get downvoted lol. Scotland is beautiful! I’d move there in a heartbeat if I had family over there.

You’d be very welcome in any major city as like US cities, they tend to have a lot of transplants from around the country or abroad. For us the distances are shorter but it’s the same vibe of leaving shit-hole town for Manchester, Edinburgh, Cardiff, London etc. Manchester / Edinburgh are great for access to the outdoors especially because the drive will seem extremely short to you. Liverpool and Edinburgh are my personal favorites for culture. That said… the countryside is probably the nicest place to enjoy UK weather, rents are cheaper, people are generally friendlier, and the pace of life is pleasant and slower (although pick your cute countryside area carefully). Yorkshire is lovely! Scotland has some beautiful areas of natural beauty. Honestly half of the UK is not really following the news so won’t give you any grief for being an American. Any educated person in a major city will not quiz you because they will understand that you are a liberal before they’ve even spoken to you. Good luck!

My kid’s mum?

Oh damn lol. I’m sure it takes some adjustment. Where are you from?

I’m British but living in California and about to move home. I’ve really come to enjoy it as it often ends up in a nice, casual chat once you relax a bit (took me a couple of years obviously) Now I’ve got to switch back 😂

Fair!

Well it isn’t impolite in the UK to go into a store and not say hello but it would be in France for instance (as I’m sure you know). I was just highlighting how we all have our own cultural definitions of good manners. Something I like about American manners is greeting people and having a chat and something I like about the UK is queueing or giving somebody your seat.

I’m British but living in California and about to move home. I’ve really come to enjoy it as it often ends up in a nice, casual chat once you relax a bit (took me a couple of years of course LOL). Now I’ve got to switch back!

Hahaha we are such a weird nation lol.

Honestly I do think what politeness constitutes is just different from culture to culture. There are some things that British people do that would be hugely impolite elsewhere. For instance, not saying “hello” or “how are you” when you enter a store. Not introducing yourself when you meet a new large group of people. British people are sometimes so awkward that they miss people out of introductions. Yes, we are obsessed with queues and are more polite drivers and will say “excuse me” and apologize all the time but the lack of smiling and unfriendly greetings is hard. I’ve lived in the US and France and British people are sometimes perceived as unfriendly in both contexts mostly due to awkward Britishness / not really greeting people / a commitment to being “genuine” i.e. only friendly if you actually know somebody.

That’s so interesting. That really tallies with my family stories! One side always talks about being thankful for having enough to eat but never about their beautiful big house and the other side talk about their dad getting an egg and they got to eat the top part (they were poorer). I guess food was something they understood as very expensive. We constantly talk about housing as that’s the biggest expense for us I guess!

Oh god - that’s so gross. What is wrong with people?

My wife and I are moving back to the UK too. I would say don’t panic - the advertised roles are often lower. You *can* find roles that are better paid and ask for salaries within a higher bandwidth. For example, in my wife’s field the salaries are often advertised as 25-30 but from asking around people with more prestigious or niche companies etc. are on closer to 35-45 and then higher for management. It’s also worth thinking outside the box. For instance, we are prepared to freelance and get global clients instead. It’s hard when you’re returning to look after a sick parent and really just need an easy job though! I will say that we are initially moving in with family to make the transition easier though. Good luck!

That’s okay - I had sense of humor failure. It’s been a day lol.

I get that you see it that way and that some women like or don’t mind it (at least in your eyes). I want to point out that if you are seeing women “enjoy” it that it is sometimes our way of placating the men who do it / not being seen as boring or difficult / not a laugh / not getting banter. I still banter back if I get this (only from older dudes as I’m now late thirties) and don’t *always* see it as a big deal depending on context but I actually don’t like it at all and nor do I think it’s funny or charming. It’s sometimes annoying and it’s sometimes a little scary. This goes for all uncalled for attention and not just cat calling. For all the people in the comments saying “it worked”. Sure there were times when I was younger and drunk when men approaching me to grab me or cat call “worked” but I look back on those times and think I was conditioned to think it was okay and just drunk. I remember actually having some dude feel me up / spank me on the ass when I was 12 and not enjoying it and my female friend told me that it was a complement and I remember teaching myself to enjoy it. By the time I was 18… i “enjoyed” it but then realized in my late twenties that I didn’t. So… in general can we please be respectful and understand that these things are a little complicated.

That’s always struck me as weird and kind of snobby. I feel like you are then middle class but maybe I’ve been away from the UK for too long! In the US you are middle class if you are in the trades (they are well paid).

Well my dog is Gwendoline so that’s worse maybe? 😂

That’s some good budgeting!

Have you got any other tips for acclimatizing back to the UK? We’re coming back to be closer to family and escape authoritarianism but as I get closer to our move date I’m like… is it worth it to stay for the beaches and mountains?! What nice things have you enjoyed about moving back to the UK? 🙏

Oh interesting! It is where I’m living right now as everything else has become so expensive.

That’s impressive for two kids!

Haha the US has gone cray so we’ll be glad of some normality. Sure will miss the sunshine though.

Thank you for sharing - really appreciate it.

Thank you! That’s very helpful!