This was my grandmothers favorite joke, however she told it slightly different:

“A man with a wooden eye had spent his life as a lonely bachelor, ashamed of his disfigurement. He refused to approach women, afraid that he’d be laughed at, teased or ignored even though he longed for love and companionship.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town there lived a women with a very large nose. She too was self conscience about her appearance and lived a lonely, single life. She longed for the love of an honest and caring man, but she told herself that ‘no man would want a woman with such an ugly, big nose’.

One night, the town organized a singles dance. The man with the wooden eye decided he would attend and if he couldn’t meet anyone there, he would give up completely and go live like a hermit in the forrest. He put together his best outfit, got his haircut and even bought an expensive bottle of cologne. On his way to the dance, he picked up a bouquet of flowers. He was actually feeling confident for once.

Meanwhile, the big nose lady had made a similar decision. She too would attend the dance as a last ditch effort to find love. She put on her best dress, her finest jewelry and spritzed herself with some expensive perfume. Tonight was her night, she was feeling very confident for once.

At the dance, everyone was having fun, laughing and socializing. The man with the wooden eye stood against one wall, holding his flowers and staring at the floor. One the other side of the room stood the woman with the big nose, also staring at the floor.

In a sudden twist of fate, both lonely souls looked up at the same time and made eye contact. Both smiled bigger then they had in years, feeling an immediate connection. The man with the wooden eye knew she was the one!

He crossed the dance floor, never breaking eye contact with his new love. When he reached her side of the room he extended his flowers, smiled brightly and said “madam, would you like to dance?”

She smiled back, overcome with joy, she gleefully shouted “Would I, Would I!!”

Insulted, the man shouted back while walking away “Big nose! Big nose!”