A collection of lightbulb jokes

Posted by ai_Sneuster@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 41 comments

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Just Juan

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Two. One to hold the lightbulb and one to drink until the room spins.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Just two but who knows how they got in there.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? -Change?

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Oh, it's an obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

How many blonds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -10,000. One to hold the lightbulb, the rest to rotate the house.

How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -You can't tell, it's dark. (I know that one's kinda inappropriate)

How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Two. One to screw it in, and one to observe how it represents an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.

How many college football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -The whole team! And they got a semester's credit for it!

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PolemicDysentery@reddit

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Two- one to change the bulb and another to hold the penis LADDER I MEAN LADDER.

spainman@reddit

Q: What's a Freudian slip?

A: It's when you say one thing, but you really mean your mother.

John_UnderHill@reddit

A: It's when you say one thing, but instead you fuck your mother.

MeNoGivaRatzAzz@reddit

It's when you fuck your mother, but can't believe it's not butter,

TopGinger@reddit

It’s when you fuck the butter, shaped like your mother

it's when you pass on your mother and choose Mrs. Butterworth

LittleBigKid2000@reddit

Well, the blondes technically aren't wrong. Their method does work.

stvns_mtthw@reddit

It wouldn't though. If the blond that's holding the light bulb is inside the house she's just going to get rotated right along with the house.

willfc@reddit

She stands on a rotatable stool. Problem solved.

2211abir@reddit

Even if the blonde holding the lightbulb was moving independently of the house, the electricity cables would snap.

deleted_by_reddit@reddit

Soo, it's a self sustaining cabin with an indoor gas generator and a hole in the middle of the floor, right underneath the one lightbulb. Those blondes are geniuses!

If the blonde was Haruhi cosplaying, it would totally make sense.

Emergency-Ear3741@reddit

Damn Blondes Are Brilliant!...((WoWzer)) Gotta Hand It To Dem Gals.

Superhorn345@reddit

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb ? Five . One to screw it in and four to share the experience .

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb ? FISH !

How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a lightbulb ? Two. One to screw it in, and one not to screw it in .

kw1nt1n@reddit

Hmmm, or Quantum Physicists?

Dalailthis@reddit

Maybe I'm looking too deep into this, but I have a problem with the "How many black people" one. It's not racist because of the dark thing, it's racist because you're implying that it was always dark and never bright, thus they never could screw the lightbulb in, implying that black people aren't smart enough to screw in a lightbulb. Please forgive me.

AnonymousSurvivor123@reddit

Um , also all of this stuff is offensive, if you're going to be offended (blonde here). So better to be an equal opportunity offender or not at all I guess....

Feeling-Hand-3114@reddit

How many IT customers does it take to change a lightbulb? As many as you want, and they'll never make it work - it's just off at the switch.

JadeScar@reddit

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ? "What's a lightbulb ? "

I hate to see her leave, But I love to watch her go...Baby's got the curves, and I got the angles.

Dr_Kintobor@reddit

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

Lightbulb, if you don't actually participate in the therapy sessions and do what I tell you, you won't change. I can't just wave my magic therapy wand.

Guildenstern_artist@reddit

I feel like I'm disconnected, doc, like current events don't energize me anymore. I feel like I might need drugs... Perhaps lithium-ion?

Like (((Old Rubber Lips))) sings .... """Doctor Please!, Some More Of These"""

How many remote viewers does it take to screw in an incandescent bulb?..... Just one and it is done by a solo astral projection. experience

TheAndorran@reddit

How many New Yorkers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Go fuck yourself, nunya goddamn business.

Funkimonster@reddit

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One. They're efficient but not very funny.

MarnixKeller@reddit

I thought it was nein?

How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb ? Six . One to screw it in, and 5 to share the experience .

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb ? Fish !

RadiantSun@reddit

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just beat the room for being black.

How many Tumblr users does it take to change a lightbulb? Two; one to hold the ladder and one to hold the bulb in the socket while expecting the whole world to revolve around them.

How many newspaper editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? /u/Radiantsun, I have a problem with this wording, it could imply that someone was having sexual relationship inside of a lightbulb.

JeffSheldrake@reddit

Good stuff, good stuff!

minortriad239@reddit

How many Apple techs does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't change the bulb. They swap out the motherboard.

How many sexual deviants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but it takes an entire emergency room staff to remove it.