TheaterFire

I told my wife, “I won the Leslie Nielsen prize at the office today.”

Posted by porichoygupto@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 200 comments

Her: What’s that? Me: It’s a place where people go to work, but that’s not important right now.

Reply to Post

200 Comments

BuckTravers@reddit

What movie was that where Leslie Nielsen was wearing a wireless mic and went to the bathroom? At the urinal he was peeing and then farting, all of this went out over the conference room where he was attending with the mayor. F••king hilarious!
View on Reddit #22096091

momusicman@reddit

Police Files
View on Reddit #22178529

BuckTravers@reddit

Actually it was The Naked Gun, but thanks!
View on Reddit #23735318

zsiple08241998@reddit

"Have you ever seen **Airplane**?" "Have you ever seen a grown man naked?" :)
View on Reddit #22223052

jottinger@reddit

When I was younger I went to a BBQ at a friends house. Leslie was running the grill. I was a bit star struck and couldn’t even bring myself to say hi. I regret this so much.
View on Reddit #21957438

therealwalrus1@reddit

Was waiting for the punchline. Still waiting.
View on Reddit #22202512

I-RegretMyNameChoice@reddit

I bet the food tasted funny, but in a dry way.
View on Reddit #21962156

AzraelleWormser@reddit

It was served in a dead pan.
View on Reddit #21973927

Deitaphobia@reddit

I remember, I had the lasagna.
View on Reddit #21961669

momusicman@reddit

We were on the Island of Drambuie. And I liked to sit on his lap and squirm.
View on Reddit #22178731

Jedibri81@reddit

Surely you can’t be serious
View on Reddit #21955914

JuanSolo9669@reddit

I am serious and don't call me Shirley
View on Reddit #21956275

Morotstomten@reddit

I will consider my life complete if I ever get to use that line in a conversation
View on Reddit #21960402

Jeepinthemud@reddit

Having been given the opportunity I did use it and it’s amazing. I can die a happy man
View on Reddit #21960976

tonysnark81@reddit

I've been able to do that three times...it only landed once, but that one time was GLORIOUS!!!
View on Reddit #21970998

RulerK@reddit

Landed like an… Airplane!
View on Reddit #22172749

InfomasBAG@reddit

I know the feeling. Every few years someone says, "How long is it?" and I get to say, "that's a rather personal question". And I am happier than anyone else in the room.
View on Reddit #22012241

lessCritical43@reddit

Thank you Monty Python
View on Reddit #22016767

Roofofcar@reddit

I pulled the “actress has been stabbed… Reece…..” My dad in alarm: “witherspoon? “No, no, with a knife” He laughed for ten solid minutes. Best joke I’ve ever sound online.
View on Reddit #21975883

tonysnark81@reddit

That is the very definition of a proud dad…
View on Reddit #21975983

Roofofcar@reddit

He was going for the delighted hug right away. You love to see it. The first time my oldest did something like this to me, I reacted much the same. It was a mediocre dad joke delivered deadpan and it just killed me. My kids are amazing. A gifted musician and a gifted writer. My musician son has played many times for thousands. My writer son creates worlds that capture the imagination of his readers. I thought I was about as proud as I could get, then they learned dad jokes, and now they’re too powerful.
View on Reddit #21976749

DoogleSmile@reddit

So were they already playing in front of thousands and entertaining with their writings *before* learning the magic of the dad joke?
View on Reddit #21996337

Roofofcar@reddit

It’s frankly amazing that they managed to accomplish so much before receiving The Gift.
View on Reddit #21996391

Jayke1981@reddit

My mate did that joke on me! Gotta love a groaner!
View on Reddit #21981291

GoabNZ@reddit

The problem is nobody encouraged you with "good luck, we're all counting on you"
View on Reddit #21977859

fyto5@reddit

How the fck will you die a happy man? You are a freaking jeep 8n the mud 😂🤣😅
View on Reddit #21991465

SandanBB56@reddit

You lucky bastard. I’m still waiting.
View on Reddit #21971073

Chronic_Discomfort@reddit

It doesn't have to make sense. Just blurt it out!
View on Reddit #21973473

Beardedarchitect@reddit

I worked with a Shirley for a while. She was tired of the joke long before I came along but I never got tired of it
View on Reddit #21971679

JasonShort@reddit

I have had the opportunity and used it. The person had no idea what I was talking about. Made it even better.
View on Reddit #21968027

burntcritter@reddit

Surely you don't really mean that?
View on Reddit #21961431

Morotstomten@reddit

Not good enough, has to be a natural conversation
View on Reddit #21962371

jrpdos@reddit

Yeah, it doesn’t work when it’s written.
View on Reddit #21966498

SouthernZorro@reddit

I'ved used it many times because my Son has a habit of starting some sentences with "Surely..."
View on Reddit #21963670

TheMaskedDeuce@reddit

Surely you can’t be serious
View on Reddit #21961332

livebeta@reddit

> I will consider my life complete if I ever get to use that line in a conversation I completed my ab initio pilot training and used that on my flight instructor heh heh
View on Reddit #21961178

SandanBB56@reddit

Best line of the whole movie.
View on Reddit #21971036

honeybadgerdad@reddit

I speak jive
View on Reddit #22148007

SandanBB56@reddit

That’s second best. Whole movie was funny though
View on Reddit #22148111

Jim_Des5134@reddit

I got to use it once at work. Everyone laughed and I had my boss in stitches.
View on Reddit #21989511

Tall-Editor-1941@reddit

Seriously? Shirley no!
View on Reddit #21980542

Tall-Editor-1941@reddit

But my name isn’t Shirley!
View on Reddit #21980472

Tall-Editor-1941@reddit

OK, I’ll just call you Serious
View on Reddit #21980378

ReverendLoki@reddit

Well then, that's an entirely different situation, altogether.
View on Reddit #21961428

Valmoer@reddit

That's an entirely different situation.
View on Reddit #21972394

ChewieReddit15@reddit

That's an entirely different situation.
View on Reddit #21971474

Soddington@reddit

That's an entirely different situation.
View on Reddit #21969470

dlgeek@reddit

That's an entirely different situation.
View on Reddit #21968625

InvertedParallax@reddit

That's an entirely different situation.
View on Reddit #21962819

conundrum4u2@reddit

*Surely you can't be Shirley!*
View on Reddit #21961965

LookupPravinsYoutube@reddit

That would be me. I’ve been swimming in raw sewage.
View on Reddit #21959542

LookupPravinsYoutube@reddit

I love it.
View on Reddit #21959547

Hemenocent@reddit

Of course he's serious, but don't call him Shirley.
View on Reddit #21956321

wivaca@reddit

I just wanted to stop here to say, "Good luck. We're all counting on you."
View on Reddit #21956997

JuanSolo9669@reddit

I picked a hell of a day to quit drinking
View on Reddit #21958894

Craigus_Conquerer@reddit

I picked a hell of a day to give up cocaine
View on Reddit #21961917

wivaca@reddit

I picked a hell of a day to stop snorting glue.
View on Reddit #21963308

Disastrous_Dress_922@reddit

Sniffing glue?
View on Reddit #21966710

honeybadgerdad@reddit

Yes. That's the correct delivery
View on Reddit #22148060

Disastrous_Dress_922@reddit

I've seen it both ways...
View on Reddit #22154480

maodiver1@reddit

If he wants to snort, that is his choice
View on Reddit #21968390

mcmaddie@reddit

I picked the wrong day to quit amphetamines.
View on Reddit #21970404

DoggedDreamer2@reddit

Bad day to quit drinking cough syrup
View on Reddit #21976723

TheMisterTango@reddit

I am Shirley, and don’t call me serious
View on Reddit #21985487

WhiplashLiquor@reddit

I'm not Sirius
View on Reddit #21977835

dvduval@reddit

No, I am Sarah S!
View on Reddit #21970270

Loose-Inspection4153@reddit

We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
View on Reddit #21956651

hawkman2022@reddit

Am I the only one who saw the Roger Roger and thought of the B1 Battle Droids..??
View on Reddit #21971748

sAWy-uhr@reddit

No
View on Reddit #22171809

Actually_Im_a_Broom@reddit

Over, Oveur.
View on Reddit #21958260

Deitaphobia@reddit

I was over Unger, and he was over Dunn,
View on Reddit #21961605

Zadok47@reddit

And don't call me Shirley!
View on Reddit #21956888

dookydoo219@reddit

If I told that joke at work it would go over most people's heads - whoosh...
View on Reddit #21956603

Randyeshow@reddit

While you’re at it, tell them you speak jive
View on Reddit #22023015

honeybadgerdad@reddit

I actually used that at work. Southern guy (Texas brother) was trying to figure out how to get into our facility, and when I heard him, I had to. Gave him directions that he understood, and when I got off the speakerphone and it was disconnected, I told my coworkers the I speak jive line. The ones who got the reference about pissed themselves. No disrespect intended to any of our African American friends in this thread.
View on Reddit #22148452

MiddleAgesRoommates@reddit

Try it anyway. Good luck, we’re all counting on you.
View on Reddit #21958406

toan55@reddit

"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"
View on Reddit #21959340

General_Hyde@reddit

Do you ever hang around the gymnasium?
View on Reddit #21960560

Uglysinglenearyou@reddit

Have you ever been inside a Turkish prison?
View on Reddit #21966697

Cocky-rooster@reddit

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
View on Reddit #21968126

dmhands@reddit

Tell your dad to try dragging Walton and Laimbeer up and down the court for 48 minutes
View on Reddit #21969235

dookydoo219@reddit

Mission accepted....
View on Reddit #21960467

Shang-di@reddit

It's still kinda funny if you don't know the reference 
View on Reddit #21961835

E_B_Jamisen@reddit

I recommend not telling the "I chose a bad week to quit ... " joke. Went over there heads and then I had to explain it before anything got to HR ...
View on Reddit #21959355

Steve_Starr@reddit

You work with short people?
View on Reddit #21958960

Flamekorn@reddit

Same with me and it makes me sad
View on Reddit #21957179

underalltheradar@reddit

I like my coffee like I like my men.
View on Reddit #21964650

RubbandTugg44@reddit

I use this line to describe the women I like. Hot ,Black and Wet.
View on Reddit #21971845

CorporalClegg91@reddit

Ground up and kept in the freezer to stay fresh?
View on Reddit #22111142

nick_linn@reddit

Sounds like you're the real joker at the office. Keep up the good work, Leslie Nielsen would be proud.
View on Reddit #22096438

Current_Brick5305@reddit

Thanks for posting this. Brought a smile to my face. Laughed so hard at this movie. Time to engage the auto pilot!
View on Reddit #22096288

Current_Brick5305@reddit

And Leon is getting larger...
View on Reddit #22096002

hairybarsteward@reddit

I'm going to have to borrow this.
View on Reddit #22088857

ZookeepergameOne5236@reddit

"Officers take her in and book her" "Officer Takeherin. Officer Booker"
View on Reddit #22067410

bodhisattva83@reddit

Cream ?
View on Reddit #22055846

Forsaken-Loan-861@reddit

Captain Oveur this is your Navigator Mister Unger and your first officer Mister Dunne…….
View on Reddit #22046452

DerHuber@reddit

Thank you
View on Reddit #22045517

manwhoholdtheworld@reddit

I gotta make my wife watch Airplane! with me!
View on Reddit #22042089

ChipIsOkay62@reddit

Robert Hays: “You can’t be serious.” Gary Oldman: “I am Sirius.”
View on Reddit #22031973

ChipIsOkay62@reddit

At least I’m MARRIED.
View on Reddit #22031810

civex@reddit

Very good!
View on Reddit #22022515

karebear66@reddit

I just saw that movie last month. Great joke.
View on Reddit #22014971

jimbohlinmcml@reddit

People at church may think I’m devout when I smile during the 23rd Psalm, but it’s the line “Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.” Am I going to hell?
View on Reddit #22010520

Luke90210@reddit

I need to hear this joke in Jive.
View on Reddit #21973676

GoabNZ@reddit

Jus hang loose bud, she gon catch up on the rebound on the joke side.
View on Reddit #21977927

Luke90210@reddit

Cold got to be! Y'know?
View on Reddit #22005515

Luke90210@reddit

"Golly"
View on Reddit #22003247

Beneficial_Jacket962@reddit

The white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no parking in the red zone
View on Reddit #21966464

dizzley@reddit

The red zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no parking in the white zone.
View on Reddit #21971862

LordCouchCat@reddit

Don't start with your white zone shit.
View on Reddit #22001812

Boz0r@reddit

Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.
View on Reddit #21978511

Engineeringbob@reddit

Fun fact. The voice actors were the real voices for LAX at the time - and were married to each other ! https://www.reddit.com/r/MovieDetails/comments/l2pqau/in_airplane_1980_the_voice_actors_for_the_airport/
View on Reddit #21983914

dgillz@reddit

Do all y'all realize this movie is 44 frickin' years old! Wow!
View on Reddit #22000537

Majukun@reddit

Her:Surely you can't be serious. Me:Never been more serious, and don't call me Shirley.
View on Reddit #21990005

Coolio_Wolfus@reddit

1 request to everyone quoting from Airplane, check out Airplaine vs Zero Hour on video sites it's quite interesting...
View on Reddit #21987462

skillfire87@reddit

I only learned last year, AIRPLANE was based on “Zero Hour”: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8-v2BHNBVCs
View on Reddit #21987093

Thelonious_Cube@reddit

Gracie Fields was an obvious precursor
View on Reddit #21984032

General_Hyde@reddit

Who are you, and how did you get in here? I’m a locksmith. And I’m a locksmith.
View on Reddit #21960788

BriefCollar4@reddit

Police squad. 4th or 5th episode where Drebin was undercover as a locksmith.
View on Reddit #21983550

kelly224@reddit

Haha which movie is this line from
View on Reddit #21964108

General_Hyde@reddit

It’s from a TV show called Police Squad!
View on Reddit #21966197

Luke90210@reddit

With Rex Harrison as Abraham Lincoln
View on Reddit #21973629

dmhands@reddit

Looks like Lana will be doing her bombing up there in Stateville prison, along with Sally Decker…
View on Reddit #21967955

tuna_fart@reddit

Surely, she didn’t fall for that old joke!
View on Reddit #21977126

Able_Difficulty_6979@reddit

yes she did. and don’t call me Shirley.
View on Reddit #21982476

hbgwine@reddit

This thread is pathetic. Guess I picked a bad day to quit drinking.
View on Reddit #21958509

rexrufus@reddit

Everywhere I look reminds me of her.
View on Reddit #21982183

Labudism@reddit

Do you have a drinking problem? Give me the strongest thing you got.
View on Reddit #21960912

TomAto314@reddit

>Give me the strongest thing you got. Good thing he didn't ask for a black russian.
View on Reddit #21966456

hbgwine@reddit

Do you like gladiator movies?
View on Reddit #21961706

General_Hyde@reddit

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue! *SNIFF* *SNIFF*
View on Reddit #21960688

itaya12@reddit

Looks like you picked the wrong week to tell your wife about winning that prize.
View on Reddit #21981809

Waramp@reddit

The joke doesn’t work this way. In Airplane! after Leslie says, “We need to get this man to a hospital” she repeats, “A hospital? What is it?” But your wife doesn’t say, “The office?” first.
View on Reddit #21966053

speeler21@reddit

This is the closest this sub has been to a decent new joke in decades
View on Reddit #21981675

janzeera@reddit

And she said, “is this some kinda bust?”
View on Reddit #21958636

Tall-Editor-1941@reddit

She was abreast of the situation!
View on Reddit #21980675

Tall-Editor-1941@reddit

That raised a bit of a titter!
View on Reddit #21980742

tomtallis@reddit

Yes, that’s very impressive.
View on Reddit #21959190

tehdang@reddit

Every line in that movie is absolutely quotable.
View on Reddit #21979468

wils_152@reddit

Good one.
View on Reddit #21978797

xDeadJamesDean@reddit

Powerful
View on Reddit #21977661

Odimorsus@reddit

The prize was actually a second cup of coffee. No wonder you didn’t want to tell your wife.
View on Reddit #21976031

Mman922@reddit

You ever seen a grown man naked?
View on Reddit #21972110

Odimorsus@reddit

You ever been in a Turkish Prison?
View on Reddit #21976012

zenmtf@reddit

Sorry, I don’t speak Jive. Sheeyitttt.
View on Reddit #21974798

i_hate_usernames13@reddit

Hahahaha ya got me on that one bro
View on Reddit #21973824

AlternativeNew826@reddit

Had to give downvotes to the persons who referred to the “I picked the wrong week to quit…” because those lines were not spoken by Nielsen.
View on Reddit #21964216

RubbandTugg44@reddit

Wow
View on Reddit #21971912

Spwd@reddit

Brilliant 😂
View on Reddit #21970949

paradigm2020@reddit

I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue!
View on Reddit #21970879

Technical-Choice-678@reddit

What's the word on the street?
View on Reddit #21957224

InvertedParallax@reddit

I wouldn't know anything about it....
View on Reddit #21962992

wotsdislittlenoise@reddit

Oh yeah, well maybe this'll help
View on Reddit #21969865

dmhands@reddit

lol the shoe shine guy
View on Reddit #21968016

omgdrones@reddit

Move along. Nothing to see here!
View on Reddit #21969403

shrikelet@reddit

This is the first time in 15 years an r/Jokes post has appeared on my feed that actually made me laugh. Good work.
View on Reddit #21968862

Disastrous_Dress_922@reddit

I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up 'til now
View on Reddit #21966924

Randyeshow@reddit

Well, let's see. First the earth cooled. And then the dinosaurs came, but they got too big and fat, so they all died and they turned into oil. And then the Arabs came and they bought Mercedes Benzes. And Prince Charles started wearing all of Lady Di's clothes. I couldn't believe it. He took her best summer dress, put it on and went to town.
View on Reddit #21968389

a-genuine-mojo@reddit

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.
View on Reddit #21968361

zzz88r1@reddit

I wonder if anyone would have the guts to name a daughter Surely
View on Reddit #21968326

humanbeing2018@reddit

First time ? No, I’ve been to the office before
View on Reddit #21967675

theWomblenooneknows@reddit

She said surely you can’t be serious I replied yes I am but don’t call me Shirley
View on Reddit #21967142

Background_Touchdown@reddit

Act Two: Yankees One
View on Reddit #21967078

No_Arm_3237@reddit

Is there anyone on board who can fly a plane?
View on Reddit #21967063

JAlfredPrufrocket@reddit

Gold
View on Reddit #21966906

satchmohiggins@reddit

Let me help you with the middle bit Her: The office…what is it?
View on Reddit #21966565

ecnerwal1234@reddit

I feel like the person saying "what's that" needs to repeat the part that is explained. "A Hospital! What is it?" "The Cockpit! What is it?
View on Reddit #21966149

winthroprd@reddit

Everywhere I go I'm reminded of her.
View on Reddit #21965898

dilettante60@reddit

Hightower, you've got something on the side of your mouth.
View on Reddit #21965109

AttilaRS@reddit

-Honey, I won 2nd place at the Leslie Nielsen contest at office today! -Surely you can't be serious? -This means a lot to me Linda, please don't joke about it.
View on Reddit #21960270

daytonakarl@reddit

A well done anti joke... marvelous
View on Reddit #21964689

jaddanil@reddit

Have you ever watched a gladiator movie?
View on Reddit #21964459

AlternativeNew826@reddit

It was the actor Lloyd Bridges. Parent of Jeff Bridges and Beau Bridges.
View on Reddit #21964252

Deathrial@reddit

I can't recall is that a quote or is this your spin on the gag?!
View on Reddit #21963985

catdude142@reddit

What's a hospital?
View on Reddit #21961427

Known_Skin6672@reddit

It’s a large building full of sick people, but that’s not important right now…
View on Reddit #21963346

DanDanFielding1@reddit

What did she make you for dinner, steak or fish?
View on Reddit #21962202

Known_Skin6672@reddit

I had the Lasagna.
View on Reddit #21963305

loolhahsa@reddit

Watch Airplane.
View on Reddit #21962891

DrColdReality@reddit

Surely you can't be serious...
View on Reddit #21958899

BornAce@reddit

Of course I'm serious, and don't call me Shirley. I waited an hour, someone had to do it.
View on Reddit #21963235

unapposeddragon@reddit

And Leon is getting larger
View on Reddit #21963168

yundall@reddit

What? Can someone explain? Thanks in advance
View on Reddit #21961800

Little-geek@reddit

it's a (recurring) bit from *Airplane* https://youtu.be/DdE7gKzIZAU?t=68
View on Reddit #21962652

yelkcrab@reddit

Come on guys take some pictures
View on Reddit #21959424

KensterFox@reddit

They're about to. "Weird Al" Yankovic is on the plane.
View on Reddit #21961915

Ashiin@reddit

I sure picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue...
View on Reddit #21961544

Megalomaniac13@reddit

I just want to wish you both good luck. We're all counting on you.
View on Reddit #21961183

4redditobly@reddit

Well done
View on Reddit #21960282

Skremash@reddit

Nice beaver!
View on Reddit #21958162

RecalcitrantHuman@reddit

Thanks. I just had it stuffed
View on Reddit #21958508

daveysprockett@reddit

We're all counting on you.
View on Reddit #21958481

Altruistic-Rip4364@reddit

That joke is beautiful
View on Reddit #21957823

yottadreams@reddit

Nice. Have an upvote.
View on Reddit #21957605

athleticoskinwah@reddit

Alice. Alice. Who the fuck is Shirley?
View on Reddit #21957393

Holden_place@reddit

Is the award called The Shirley?
View on Reddit #21956380

Cold_Table8497@reddit

No, it's not called The. And don't call me Shirley.
View on Reddit #21956989

cheezfreek@reddit

I LOVE IT.
View on Reddit #21956968

A_Mirabeau_702@reddit

Me: It's the day after yesterday
View on Reddit #21956305

mc501@reddit

That’s pretty good!!
View on Reddit #21955912