TheaterFire

I'm told that women prefer guys with massive dicks....

Posted by dustaknuckz@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 83 comments

Well, I may not have 12 inches, but it kinda smells like a foot

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83 Comments

labrador2020@reddit

My dick is Presidentially huge, some people will even say it is the biggest dick they have ever seen. It is a beautiful dick. Girls like it so much, they come up close to see it. It has been measured with a metric Russian ruler and it goes way past the 10” mark.
View on Reddit #21514824

Hmonster1@reddit

With tears in our eyes.
View on Reddit #21559373

labrador2020@reddit

Sadly, it is so true.
View on Reddit #21627951

Fearchar@reddit

This comment trumps them all!
View on Reddit #21536666

Major_Independence82@reddit

I tell every woman I sleep with that she’s going to get 12 inches… in installments
View on Reddit #21513423

Hmonster1@reddit

With no interest!
View on Reddit #21559285

uglybeast19@reddit

The ol' layaway plan ehh
View on Reddit #21531226

Major_Independence82@reddit

Yeah, just tell ‘em that after the 4th or 5th time, 12 inches is guaranteed. And in a state of equality, the men get the same promise.
View on Reddit #21537933

Signal-Complex7446@reddit

I heard they prefer two sizes: huge and massive and it seems there is no other option. Oh shit. LOL.
View on Reddit #21552890

jigglyraff42069@reddit

Yes, women prefer me
View on Reddit #21552482

Mastrovator@reddit

My wife called me a sex machine. Her exact words were “you’re a fucking tool” but I know what she meant!
View on Reddit #21550808

BloodSteyn@reddit

The only reason the US will never switch to metric, is that this joke won't work anymore.
View on Reddit #21509133

JCButtBuddy@reddit

We'll always have bananas.
View on Reddit #21530196

lostbyconfusion@reddit

My new toilet can flush a bucket of golf balls!
View on Reddit #21544453

PoppaBear1981@reddit

I was working in the vegetable section of the market when the UK went over to metric. This old lady asked me ''Gimme a pound of carrots lad.'' I said ''It's kilos now luv.'' She said ''OK fine, gimme a pound of kilos...''
View on Reddit #21526892

KopiteForever@reddit

The ONLY reason. That and football fields to measure big stuff.
View on Reddit #21523986

ironvandal@reddit

She told me to give her twelve inches and make it hurt so I jumped her 3 times and punched her in the face
View on Reddit #21542798

EternalOutcazt@reddit

I think you confused r/jokes with r/confessions
View on Reddit #21541390

dustaknuckz@reddit (OP)

I call my dick Bruce Lee cause it's the master of the one inch punch 
View on Reddit #21539419

Hemenocent@reddit

That was one of the problems when COVID 19 hit . We were told to stay so many inches apart when standing in line because there are standard inches, and then there are man inches.
View on Reddit #21510440

Fearchar@reddit

My female friend used to say, "The reason women are so bad at math is that men keep telling us this [holding thumb & forefinger about 3 inches apart] is 6 inches!"
View on Reddit #21536504

urfavouriteredditor@reddit

If you like chicken, then you’ll love my cock, it’s fowl.
View on Reddit #21504972

barronelli@reddit

Ah, Sid the Sexist jokes…
View on Reddit #21509753

TikkiTakiTomtom@reddit

People really should learn what any of the “-isms” are and mean before using it…
View on Reddit #21517165

barronelli@reddit

Aimed at me? It’s a famous comic strip in the UK.
View on Reddit #21525656

blissnabob@reddit

Do you like flowers pet? Then get ya two lips aroond this!
View on Reddit #21526914

Fearchar@reddit

It sure rose to the occasion!
View on Reddit #21536238

barronelli@reddit

That’s better! 😂😂😂
View on Reddit #21526973

blissnabob@reddit

Love the Viz.
View on Reddit #21527170

TikkiTakiTomtom@reddit

Nah. I didn’t know what it was myself but it was obvious you were referring to the comic since “sexist” is capitalized. Peeps misuse sexism and racism nowadays and its annoying.
View on Reddit #21528424

dustaknuckz@reddit (OP)

And I bet the portions are poultry lol
View on Reddit #21505046

Lone_StreetCone@reddit

My dick makes women bye sexual. When it gets sexual they say "bye,"
View on Reddit #21536220

AlchemyStudiosInk@reddit

I'm told that women prefer guys with massive dicks.... Which is why I hang out with Paul Logan.
View on Reddit #21534314

Mudlark_2910@reddit

Exactly twelve inches but I don't use it as a rule
View on Reddit #21502768

Ghnol@reddit

*ruler there, fixed it for you
View on Reddit #21511961

diadlep@reddit

Bro this needs upvotes, wtf w reddit lmao
View on Reddit #21531614

MaleOrganDonorMember@reddit

It didn't need any correcting
View on Reddit #21516276

iron_vet@reddit

It didn't need fixed
View on Reddit #21512431

Zombiebane224@reddit

He said what he meant and meant what he said.
View on Reddit #21514811

Tasera@reddit

Don't be such a square
View on Reddit #21516048

brokedownpalace10@reddit

My girlfriend thinks my penis talks to ghosts. She says it's a medium.
View on Reddit #21507994

SharkApproved@reddit

…And i thinks she’s right because when whenever my dick is out i hear booing.
View on Reddit #21530866

Tasera@reddit

Rare at best
View on Reddit #21516002

Bentup85@reddit

When I whip it out people stand in awe…at least they say “aww”
View on Reddit #21511608

daveshops@reddit

My wife has the cutest name for my dick. She calls it ""Smegma"
View on Reddit #21530349

joetheash@reddit

She said she wanted 10 inches and she wanted it to hurt. We did it twice and I punched her in the face.
View on Reddit #21529380

100Good@reddit

Some do. Ngl
View on Reddit #21529335

Successful_Jump5531@reddit

Women all talk in hushed whispers about my baby dick.  6lbs, 7oz's and 13 inches long.
View on Reddit #21527877

DarkWork0@reddit

"My wife asked me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt, so I fucked her twice and hit her with a brick." - Andrew Dice Clay
View on Reddit #21527422

32lib@reddit

My wife said she married a big dick…oh wait…
View on Reddit #21520244

Separate_Key6183@reddit

“It ain’t very long but it sure is skinny!”
View on Reddit #21511877

quietflowsthedodder@reddit

Pencil dick!
View on Reddit #21519090

Potezen@reddit

Yeah. Ever played baseball using it?
View on Reddit #21507616

betelgozer@reddit

The last time it got hard enough was when I met that babe Ruth.
View on Reddit #21518396

GDaddyBee@reddit

No. Mine has a long strike out record
View on Reddit #21516015

Excellent-Platform59@reddit

They do That's why we're single
View on Reddit #21506223

moov1n@reddit

This comment wins.
View on Reddit #21506524

Kanierd2@reddit

This comment loses.
View on Reddit #21517634

Waitsfornoone@reddit

Said no woman ever.
View on Reddit #21517294

TotalTerrible783@reddit

I don't have much but my wife loves every foot of it.
View on Reddit #21516820

HortenseTheGlobalDog@reddit

This joke would be better if it said "I'm told that *blind* women" ...
View on Reddit #21516701

will-read@reddit

I thought my prospects were looking up until I saw that it said “with” not “are”.
View on Reddit #21514386

ktka@reddit

Women prefer massive dicks? Time to stop being a nice guy!
View on Reddit #21514131

miltdragon@reddit

That's why whenever I go out I always bring my trusty friend Mike Tyson.
View on Reddit #21503353

dustaknuckz@reddit (OP)

To give someone a severe  beating  in the ring?
View on Reddit #21503823

miltdragon@reddit

No, because he's a dick. So if women like guys with massive dicks and that's who I'm going to hang out with, I was just changing the punch line of the original joke. You could fill in the name of any one that you think is a dick as a jerk asshole. Whatever. I don't even know if Mike Tyson really is but I know he raped and beat women at the height of his career and went to jail for it. He had a God complex so he was probably a massive dick at some point.
View on Reddit #21503928

Lumpy_Marsupial_1559@reddit

I got it: Mike Tyson is who he is, so if you were out with him... you'd be the guy 'with' the massive dick.
View on Reddit #21504382

miltdragon@reddit

Precisely.
View on Reddit #21504403

miltdragon@reddit

Just plug in your favorite. Bill Cosby would be fair. And topical.
View on Reddit #21504444

blindone0220@reddit

Can I use Biden and have a dead dick?
View on Reddit #21505645

Major_Independence82@reddit

Any politician, really. Dead, asleep, or kissing babies
View on Reddit #21513638

miltdragon@reddit

Indeed. "Weekend at Biden's"
View on Reddit #21505678

Wtfdidistumbleinon@reddit

Oh fuck me that was good, take my upvote please lol
View on Reddit #21504918

Wtfdidistumbleinon@reddit

The only thing about my penis that would make a woman’s eyes water is the smell 😂😂
View on Reddit #21504896

dustaknuckz@reddit (OP)

Reminds me of when I asked my (ex) wife to talk dirty to me...she said urgh, your cock stinks.
View on Reddit #21505120

Major_Independence82@reddit

That’s still better than if it tasted like shit.
View on Reddit #21513522

Look_Specific@reddit

Massive is 12 inches? Crikey I thought that was short....
View on Reddit #21509575

sacrebIue@reddit

My wife never hid the fact she mainly started dating me because of my penis size.
View on Reddit #21506738

PinkBananaBoy@reddit

Because she has an extremely small vagina?
View on Reddit #21507612

aBeerOrTwelve@reddit

Yeah, but she says that to everybody.
View on Reddit #21506956

Excellent-Platform59@reddit

They do That;s why were single
View on Reddit #21506197

LedeusSedehel@reddit

A guy goes visit his regular prostitute but at the crucial moment his "friend" goes to sleep. He finds a cream on the bedside table and it works surprisingly well. After the deed is done, the whore asks him: wow, how come you were so hard tonight? He mentions he found an erection cream on her drawer. Erection cream? No, I don't have any! She replies. Perplexed, he reads the tin label that says: "Callus Remover: makes it hard immediately, in a few days it rots and falls off!"
View on Reddit #21506194

SpareMind@reddit

At the max, 11 inches. At 12, it's a foot.
View on Reddit #21504057