I'm told that women prefer guys with massive dicks....

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labrador2020@reddit

My dick is Presidentially huge, some people will even say it is the biggest dick they have ever seen. It is a beautiful dick. Girls like it so much, they come up close to see it. It has been measured with a metric Russian ruler and it goes way past the 10” mark.

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Hmonster1@reddit

With tears in our eyes.

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labrador2020@reddit

Sadly, it is so true.

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Fearchar@reddit

This comment trumps them all!

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Major_Independence82@reddit

I tell every woman I sleep with that she’s going to get 12 inches… in installments

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Hmonster1@reddit

With no interest!

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uglybeast19@reddit

The ol' layaway plan ehh

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Major_Independence82@reddit

Yeah, just tell ‘em that after the 4th or 5th time, 12 inches is guaranteed. And in a state of equality, the men get the same promise.

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Signal-Complex7446@reddit

I heard they prefer two sizes: huge and massive and it seems there is no other option. Oh shit. LOL.

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jigglyraff42069@reddit

Yes, women prefer me

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Mastrovator@reddit

My wife called me a sex machine. Her exact words were “you’re a fucking tool” but I know what she meant!

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BloodSteyn@reddit

The only reason the US will never switch to metric, is that this joke won't work anymore.

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JCButtBuddy@reddit

We'll always have bananas.

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lostbyconfusion@reddit

My new toilet can flush a bucket of golf balls!

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PoppaBear1981@reddit

I was working in the vegetable section of the market when the UK went over to metric. This old lady asked me ''Gimme a pound of carrots lad.'' I said ''It's kilos now luv.'' She said ''OK fine, gimme a pound of kilos...''

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KopiteForever@reddit

The ONLY reason. That and football fields to measure big stuff.

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ironvandal@reddit

She told me to give her twelve inches and make it hurt so I jumped her 3 times and punched her in the face

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EternalOutcazt@reddit

I think you confused r/jokes with r/confessions

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dustaknuckz@reddit (OP)

I call my dick Bruce Lee cause it's the master of the one inch punch

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Hemenocent@reddit

That was one of the problems when COVID 19 hit . We were told to stay so many inches apart when standing in line because there are standard inches, and then there are man inches.

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Fearchar@reddit

My female friend used to say, "The reason women are so bad at math is that men keep telling us this [holding thumb & forefinger about 3 inches apart] is 6 inches!"

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urfavouriteredditor@reddit

If you like chicken, then you’ll love my cock, it’s fowl.

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barronelli@reddit

Ah, Sid the Sexist jokes…

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TikkiTakiTomtom@reddit

People really should learn what any of the “-isms” are and mean before using it…

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barronelli@reddit

Aimed at me? It’s a famous comic strip in the UK.

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blissnabob@reddit

Do you like flowers pet? Then get ya two lips aroond this!

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Fearchar@reddit

It sure rose to the occasion!

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barronelli@reddit

That’s better! 😂😂😂

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blissnabob@reddit

Love the Viz.

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TikkiTakiTomtom@reddit

Nah. I didn’t know what it was myself but it was obvious you were referring to the comic since “sexist” is capitalized. Peeps misuse sexism and racism nowadays and its annoying.

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dustaknuckz@reddit (OP)

And I bet the portions are poultry lol

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Lone_StreetCone@reddit

My dick makes women bye sexual. When it gets sexual they say "bye,"

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AlchemyStudiosInk@reddit

I'm told that women prefer guys with massive dicks.... Which is why I hang out with Paul Logan.

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Mudlark_2910@reddit

Exactly twelve inches but I don't use it as a rule

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Ghnol@reddit

*ruler there, fixed it for you

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diadlep@reddit

Bro this needs upvotes, wtf w reddit lmao

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MaleOrganDonorMember@reddit

It didn't need any correcting

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iron_vet@reddit

It didn't need fixed

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Zombiebane224@reddit

He said what he meant and meant what he said.

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Tasera@reddit

Don't be such a square

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brokedownpalace10@reddit

My girlfriend thinks my penis talks to ghosts. She says it's a medium.

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SharkApproved@reddit

…And i thinks she’s right because when whenever my dick is out i hear booing.

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Tasera@reddit

Rare at best

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Bentup85@reddit

When I whip it out people stand in awe…at least they say “aww”

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daveshops@reddit

My wife has the cutest name for my dick. She calls it ""Smegma"

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joetheash@reddit

She said she wanted 10 inches and she wanted it to hurt. We did it twice and I punched her in the face.

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100Good@reddit

Some do. Ngl

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Successful_Jump5531@reddit

Women all talk in hushed whispers about my baby dick. 6lbs, 7oz's and 13 inches long.

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DarkWork0@reddit

"My wife asked me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt, so I fucked her twice and hit her with a brick." - Andrew Dice Clay

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32lib@reddit

My wife said she married a big dick…oh wait…

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Separate_Key6183@reddit

“It ain’t very long but it sure is skinny!”

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quietflowsthedodder@reddit

Pencil dick!

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Potezen@reddit

Yeah. Ever played baseball using it?

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betelgozer@reddit

The last time it got hard enough was when I met that babe Ruth.

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GDaddyBee@reddit

No. Mine has a long strike out record

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Excellent-Platform59@reddit

They do That's why we're single

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moov1n@reddit

This comment wins.

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Kanierd2@reddit

This comment loses.

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Waitsfornoone@reddit

Said no woman ever.

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TotalTerrible783@reddit

I don't have much but my wife loves every foot of it.

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HortenseTheGlobalDog@reddit

This joke would be better if it said "I'm told that *blind* women" ...

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will-read@reddit

I thought my prospects were looking up until I saw that it said “with” not “are”.

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ktka@reddit

Women prefer massive dicks? Time to stop being a nice guy!

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miltdragon@reddit

That's why whenever I go out I always bring my trusty friend Mike Tyson.

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dustaknuckz@reddit (OP)

To give someone a severe beating in the ring?

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miltdragon@reddit

No, because he's a dick. So if women like guys with massive dicks and that's who I'm going to hang out with, I was just changing the punch line of the original joke. You could fill in the name of any one that you think is a dick as a jerk asshole. Whatever. I don't even know if Mike Tyson really is but I know he raped and beat women at the height of his career and went to jail for it. He had a God complex so he was probably a massive dick at some point.

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Lumpy_Marsupial_1559@reddit

I got it: Mike Tyson is who he is, so if you were out with him... you'd be the guy 'with' the massive dick.

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miltdragon@reddit

Precisely.

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miltdragon@reddit

Just plug in your favorite. Bill Cosby would be fair. And topical.

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blindone0220@reddit

Can I use Biden and have a dead dick?

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Major_Independence82@reddit

Any politician, really. Dead, asleep, or kissing babies

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miltdragon@reddit

Indeed. "Weekend at Biden's"

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Wtfdidistumbleinon@reddit

Oh fuck me that was good, take my upvote please lol

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Wtfdidistumbleinon@reddit

The only thing about my penis that would make a woman’s eyes water is the smell 😂😂

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dustaknuckz@reddit (OP)

Reminds me of when I asked my (ex) wife to talk dirty to me...she said urgh, your cock stinks.

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Major_Independence82@reddit

That’s still better than if it tasted like shit.

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Look_Specific@reddit

Massive is 12 inches? Crikey I thought that was short....

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sacrebIue@reddit

My wife never hid the fact she mainly started dating me because of my penis size.

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PinkBananaBoy@reddit

Because she has an extremely small vagina?

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aBeerOrTwelve@reddit

Yeah, but she says that to everybody.

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Excellent-Platform59@reddit

They do That;s why were single

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LedeusSedehel@reddit

A guy goes visit his regular prostitute but at the crucial moment his "friend" goes to sleep. He finds a cream on the bedside table and it works surprisingly well. After the deed is done, the whore asks him: wow, how come you were so hard tonight? He mentions he found an erection cream on her drawer. Erection cream? No, I don't have any! She replies. Perplexed, he reads the tin label that says: "Callus Remover: makes it hard immediately, in a few days it rots and falls off!"

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