My girlfriend said she'd look good in something long and flowing...

So I threw her in the Mississippi.

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if she floats, pray you don't get turned into a newt

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What also floats?

Very small rocks!

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A duck!

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Witch!!!

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So...if she weighs the same as duck she's made of wood?

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You'll get better.

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He feels happy

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That’s a Benny Hill joke.

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Not to worry, on Reddit she will be resurrected time and again.

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I think shes in denial.

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No that's on a different continent

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Get her a bed sheet

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My wife gave me $50 and told me to get something to make her look sexy - I bought a case of beer and a bottle of bourbon 🥃

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So, I suggested Amazon!

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Hopefully she can swim.