Bob went home early after a night shift as a security guard to find that the power was out
Posted by beaned1@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 97 comments
Wearily he went into his bedroom and undressed, ready to drop into bed.
As he was about to, his wife woke up and said, "Good, you are early! I have a splitting headache, could you please drive down to the pharmacy and bring me some aspirin?"
Groggy but patient, Bob dressed again and dutifully drove down to the neighborhood pharmacy. The night cashier was an acquaintance. He took one look at Bob's uniform and said, "Hey Bob, I thought you were a security guard
...when did you join the Police?".
That-Ad757@reddit
Do not understand sorry.
Malvastor@reddit
Think the implication is Bob got dressed in the dark and put on the uniform of the guy his wife's cheating on him with.
LoftyQPR@reddit
Thank you. I didn't get it either.
Partyslayer@reddit
It's missing some key elements.
Kingking421@reddit
Like humor?
Lost-Programmer-6768@reddit
Two kinds of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
GolettO3@reddit
And the other kind? Your comment is incomplete >!\j!<
No-Swim1190@reddit
đ€Ș
bangkokbeach@reddit
Unsolicited testimonial
velcro-fish@reddit
thatsthejoke.jpeg
ECAHunt@reddit
Swoosh!
MisterCryptic@reddit
And those who know what happens when you assume!
randomkeystrike@reddit
You just have to catch the part about how he got undressed and then dressed again. And the errand was to get him out of the bedroom
Partyslayer@reddit
All caught up. Thanks.
ensiform@reddit
Some people are incredibly slow.
Living-Mention-7269@reddit
The universe needs to be balanced
Confident_Chipmonk@reddit
some jokes are incredibly slow
Addeo3@reddit
It really wasnât that difficult.
PersonNumber7Billion@reddit
It really wasn't that good. Even with a rewrite it's poor.
movie_man@reddit
We have to assume that Bob wouldnât notice putting on a completely different uniform, even in the dark. I dunno itâs sort of Looney Tunes logic.
Parking_War979@reddit
It doesnât help that the two outfits are similar. Joke might read better if he is aâŠmechanicâs or foresterâs or something not so similar suit.
Loko8765@reddit
Well, if so it would be bizarre that he put it on without noticing.
It might be better if they were policemen but of different ranks.
Low_Yam7637@reddit
Or different location. Like if one is state and the other is county or 2 different counties.
Loko8765@reddit
I was thinking that a twist could be that the wife is sleeping with her husbandâs boss.
average_texas_guy@reddit
That would be better. I'm imagining a small town. Guy goes to the drugstore and the druggist says, "Hey Bob, why are you wearing Jerry's uniform."
Loko8765@reddit
Even in a slightly bigger town the late druggist open late knows all the cops, indeed!
h0ttniks@reddit
It doesnât help that itâs not funny.
Wowza-yowza@reddit
It would be funny if y'all bought my trained raccoons
average_texas_guy@reddit
Real joke something something
This hit me just right and I was literally crying laughing
kdntB@reddit
Sheâs got a type
jbochsler@reddit
So she's uniform in her choices?
if_lol_then_upvote@reddit
It's like a badge of honor for her
Malvastor@reddit
I think the joke needs one of two things:
Schalott@reddit
Hi! Okey, I guess it makes more sense than what I understood, that is: the dude went into another house, shaped in the exact same way, and talked to another woman without understanding that she was not his wife (similar voice of some sort).
And the husband of this lady would leave his policeman uniforme in the same place the Bob dude would let his. Somehow.
But in any cases, the fact that the working uniform of someone else is on the floor makes more sense in your way of understanding the joke. In mine the other husband just let his uniform sit there and go to work with another one, so it's not very clear. But in all situation, it's impressive of the Bob dude to be able to dress himself with a random thing he found on the floor.
Not very clear either way, to be honest. To me a joke is supposed to be somewhat fun. Thank you very much for the explanation.
real-human-not-a-bot@reddit
That makes more sense. I thought it was a period joke and the uniform got covered in blood.
movie_man@reddit
I donât know why youâre being downvoted. Your interpretation is absurdly hilarious and Iâm not gonna fault you for posting the first thought you had after reading this joke. Your honesty makes it even funnier.
real-human-not-a-bot@reddit
I guess that it came out of nowhere? I genuinely didnât understand the intended punchline. Maybe people donât like the implication that a police officer is more likely to be covered in blood than a security guard for some reason? I really appreciate your response.
123DCP@reddit
Yeah, but why isn't it funny?
JimDixon@reddit
And a policeman was naked and hiding in the closet. And will somehow have to deal with the loss of his uniform. (Visualizing the policeman's predicament adds to the humor.)
DugganSC@reddit
While being sold a baseball glove...
KokoTheTalkingApe@reddit
Oh. Heh. Heh.
DougSpeagle@reddit
The power being out is confusing, they just mean the lights were off because the wife was sleeping with a police officer. That's why she sent the husband away but he mistakenly put on the other guys clothes
CatCafffffe@reddit
Needs some tweaking. Maybe something like:
Bob went home early after a night shift as a security guard and exhausted, dropped his clothes on the bedroom floor and was about to fall into bed, when he saw his wife was still in bed. "Oh, you're early!" she shrieked suddenly. "I have a splitting headache, could you please drive down to the pharmacy and get me some aspirin?"
Bob quickly grabbed up his clothes and drove to the pharmacy, where his buddy the pharmacist said "Oh, Bob! When did you start working as a mailman?"
navyjag2019@reddit
except even in a groggy state, bob would presumably be able to tell the difference between his security guard uniform and a mailmanâs uniform.
Ooh-Rah@reddit
Yeah, the police angle works.
One_Economist_3761@reddit
Ohhh is the joke that he picked up some other guys clothes instead of his own?
CatCafffffe@reddit
Yes, it's a very weak joke to begin with, the idea is that his wife was in bed with someone with a recognizable uniform, but not the same uniform as his, and that other man is hiding somewhere but his clothes were also dropped next to the bed. To make it work the husband has to be VERY tired, the wife has to be surprised, and the uniforms have to be recognizable and distinct. That's what I fixed. It's still the same fundamentally weak joke!
Here's a much better one:
Guy comes home, finds his best friend in bed with his wife. He says "Marty! I HAVE to, but you???"
7thpostman@reddit
Way better
EffectiveVarious8095@reddit
Joke at least works this way, but still not funny
CatCafffffe@reddit
Yes, exactly
rbsixty5@reddit
Reading the OP's and your versions, looks like the wife was pally with Johnny Sins. I am sure the pharmacist.asked Bob when he started working as a doc in the next version and as a plumber in the one after that.
SteveIsTheDude@reddit
So this happens a couple of times a month and each time heâs got a different sports jersey with a different number on it?
Altruistic_Sky1866@reddit
Nice variation
Ooh-Rah@reddit
Took me about 8 seconds to get that. But funny.
jauer_poe@reddit
So itâs a reunion for a new world tour, and they had a spot open?
Master_Toad@reddit
Makes no sense
ShadowExistShadily@reddit
This joke is lacking a certain Sting.
billforsternz@reddit
I will never complain about a recycled (but funny!) joke again.
happyhippy1019@reddit
It took me a minute
restlessmouse@reddit
The pharmacist followed that with... "... But where's your night stick?
Acer018@reddit
Poor set upno
VVageslave@reddit
And cue the joke police in 3âŠ2âŠ1 These Nimrods will âsplain that a). The joke isnât really funny. b). That itâs too long c). You shouldâve told it differently d). They heard a better version. e). âGood old #73 etc etc
I liked the joke as is. Very amusing!
pushrod427@reddit
I
PeteMcM22@reddit
The joke stings
deepcaca@reddit
Anti joke?
JFlynn56@reddit
Not much of a joke if it has to be explained in the comments
dave_evad@reddit
Hadnât heard of this one. Got me ROFL.Â
dfar3333@reddit
Yeah donât get it.
Raiddinn1@reddit
I love how the comments section of this joke is about how to make it good.
OkPrune1536@reddit
We're all just trying to make the world a funnier place
dadadararara@reddit
And the policeman was a security guard from then on, cuz once you lose your badge and gun...
dadadararara@reddit
I like when it takes a second to get it. Hits harder.
WetTruckman@reddit
Did Bob go to the wrong house? Or is Bob's wife doing something she shouldn't. đ
thewNYC@reddit
A different uniform/profession for the guy would definitely be both funnier and clearer, as others have said. Milk man would be the stereotypically funniest.
Waste-Job-3307@reddit
That's a joke?
Human-Contribution16@reddit
Worst joke ever?
TnBluesman@reddit
Not if you get it.
origvani@reddit
Iâve definitely put on the wrong uniform before after being woken up unexpectedly, the brain just goes on autopilot.
Evening-Tomatillo-47@reddit
The real joke is a security guard getting home early
ancientalien47@reddit
Baked. Good. Soft. Moist. Like good baking decisions.
Plus-Ad1802@reddit
Larry worked for a small manufacturing company, where he and his fellow colleagues had begun to notice that their supervisor had recently begun leaving work about two hours earlier than everyone else. As this pattern had become consistent over the course of several weeks, someone suggested that they too could leave early, they would just have to leave after their boss was already gone. The following Monday, the boss left, and 15 minutes later everyone else shut down their work stations and headed on home. When Larry arrived home, he finds his bosses vehicle in his driveway, and upon entering the house, he can hear the voices and the erotic murmurings of both his boss, and his wife. He was so shocked by this discovery, that he left the house without alerting anyone, and drove around until his normal quitting time. He does not mention what he had discovered to anyone.
The following day, as his colleagues began to prepare to again leave shortly after their boss did, Larry just kept on working. One of his work mates asked, "Hey Larry, aren't you leaving with us?"
To which Larry replied, "Are you kidding me?" "Yesterday, I very nearly got caught!"
_Rue_the_Day_@reddit
Haha!
Belzaem@reddit
Having worked in law enforcement field in past and I got the joke.
See, the folks always accuse the security guards of being a police wannabe be. Well, the insider joke is that the wife prefers the âreal thingâ.
thetigersears@reddit
Oooh, never saw that angle.
nb6635@reddit
I had to stop and frisk this joke.
davisyoung@reddit
You should give it arrest.Â
thetigersears@reddit
Well done, well done!
SpendHefty6066@reddit
Postman. âWhen did you become a postman?â
Stepman35@reddit
Been better if Bob was a cop but showed up at the pharmacy in a firefighters uniform...
bob49877@reddit
But the police man wasn't there yet?
Harald_TheEnduring@reddit
Schrödingerâs policeman. Heâs either in the closet or he isnât but you wonât know until you check.
frankstinksrealbad@reddit
Exactly. I guess we just discovered the flip side to there never being any new jokes - this one was new (to me anyway) and seriously needed a few more drafts before being unveiled
Jellywell@reddit
A policeman was fucking his wife, his wife makes the excuse to get him out of the house, in the dark he puts on the cop's clothes
SadisticJake@reddit
In the scene in the classic 90s comedy, Friday, when Craig's girlfriend is confronting him about being at the movie theater all hugged up with some tramp, there appears to be a partially dressed man laying in her bed behind her. Ain't nuthin but a hoochie mama, hoodrat hoodrat hoochie mama indeed.
Altruistic_Sky1866@reddit
had a good chuckle
Brilliant_Chemica@reddit
If my wife was cheating on me, I would be mad and upset at her, divorce, but ignore the guy. If he's banging my wife and putting his clothes in my closet, I am getting 25 to life
MadeByPaul@reddit
Is that a truncheon in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?