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There's this guy I see at the bar sometimes. He has this huge head. And it's all bright red and shiny. Huge. It's actually wider than his shoulders.

When I first met him, he was sitting in the back at a table with his giant bright red face, and buying rounds for the bar. Over and over. For everyone, even people he's never seen before. Food too. And it was a fairly crowded bar. He was spending a fortune! I asked the bartender about it, and he said the guy does this a few times a week, sometimes almost every day. Comes in and buys drinks and food for everyone for a few hours. Has a few himself, but doesn't usually get completely loaded. The bartender said "go and talk to him, he's actually pretty friendly."

So, I went and asked him how and why he does this. And he told me has unlimited money. He showed me this briefcase which looked like it would be full of money, one of those metal ones with the combination lock, like you'd see on TV. He opened it, and it had a single crisp $100 bill in it. I figured maybe it was full earlier when he showed up, and maybe now he was just about out of money for the day, when he yelled out "another round for the bar!" And took out the $100. Another 100 bucks immediately appeared in the briefcase! He removed that new bill, then did the same thing one more time and headed to the bartender with 300 bucks.

When he came back, I said "how the hell did you do that?!" And he replied, "well, you probably won't believe this, but I met a genie this one time a few years back and got 3 wishes. And you know how they say 'be careful what you wish for?' Well, they're right...be careful what you wish for...and it was my first time meeting a genie. I didn't know what I was doing.

"So anyway, the first wish went pretty well, you know? It was a pretty standard wish I think; I wished for unlimited money for the rest of my life, and i got this briefcase you see here, but when I opened it, there was just a dollar in it. A single crisp one-dollar bill. That didn't seem so great, certainly not 'unlimited money' but then I was like ‘oh shit, this guy’s gonna kill me! This is one of those fucking genie loopholes I always hear about…he’s saying I only need a dollar for the rest of my life! As soon as I spend it, I'm dead.’ but when I took the dollar out, it was immediately replaced with another dollar. So I tried again, and it was instantly replaced again with another dollar. So it was okay I suppose, but then I said 'man this is pretty cool, but i wish it could do that with $100 bills instead of singles.' and the genie said 'your second wish is granted. You have one more wish. Choose it wisely.'

"Now remember, I'd never met a genie before and this was all new to me at the time, but my third wish is where I think I really screwed things up royally. I still think about it all the time. I think all about the genie's little loopholes. Sometimes it keeps me awake at night. I just think about all the ways it could've gone differently, or what I could have done differently. And what I would do if I could do it all over again...It's probably one of my biggest regrets in life...

For my third and final wish, I said “ I wish I had a giant, red, tomato head."