This is the joke that supposedly got Groucho Marx kicked off the air. When he was hosting You Bet Your Life, he would interview contestants after the game started. Then this happened...

Posted by TomahawkA5@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 44 comments

Groucho: Contestant Number One, tell us a little about yourself.
Contestant: My name is Susan Gardner. I'm a full-time mom and homemaker, and I have nine children.
Groucho: Nine children?? That's incredible!
Contestant: Well, I love my husband.
Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar. But I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

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barto5@reddit

There are a couple of great lines attributed to Johnny Carson.

Zsa Zsa Gabor brought her cat on the show. And with the cat sitting on her lap she asked Johnny if he’d like to pet her pussy.

And he said sure if you’ll get that damn cat out of the way.

The other time was when Arnold Palmer’s wife was on the show.

She said before a tournament she would kiss his balls for good luck, and Carson said that must really make his putter stand up.

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fomaaaaa@reddit

If she put it in her mouth, she might not have had nine children

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yetanotherburnerstan@reddit

I wish I could upvote more than once

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Catsanddoges@reddit

I just upvoted your comment twice, it works

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DoookieMaxx@reddit

Best jokes always in the comments

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shwashwa123@reddit

Could you explain the joke to me? Why 9 and not 17 like the post said. I feel dumb lol

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DoookieMaxx@reddit

Blowjobs is the joke. Half the kids would’ve, well … you get it.

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Blarg0ist@reddit

Yeah, but why half? Also, 9 is not half of 17. This weird discrepancy is throwing off the joke. Why 9?!

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Competitive_Range822@reddit

I’d be into that

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HosaJim666@reddit

This shit makes no sense, it's not just you

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fomaaaaa@reddit

When i left my comment, the post said 9 kids not 17

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Pirat@reddit

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seenhear@reddit

How awesome would it have been if that was the lady's comeback on air... Without missing a beat just, "well Groucho of I'd used my mouth..."

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TenRingRedux@reddit

I think that's really what Groucho said to get fired.

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gambler328@reddit

Science.

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RoninRobot@reddit

How long after was the Newlywed Game where they just flat-out asked intrusive sex questions for fun and profit?

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Floss_tycoon@reddit

In da butt.

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jollymuhn@reddit

Gotta be the butt, Bob

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Raddish_Crunch@reddit

Where is the most unusual place you and your husband did it? (See Floss_tycoon's comment for the answer.)

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CoderDevo@reddit

There was a big difference between the 60's and the 70's.

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Abbreviated date-ranges like "’90s" are contractions, so the apostrophe goes before the numbers.

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JimAsia@reddit

My favorite quote attributed to Groucho is:

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

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Excellent_Condition@reddit

He has so many good ones, the man was quick.

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50rhodes@reddit

“For seventy five cents you can get a record by Minnie the moocher. For a dollar and a quarter you can get Minnie”.

From one of the Marx Bros movies.

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xflibble@reddit

An Australian TV presenter, Daryl Cotton, made a joke in a similar vein on a kids' TV show I watched when growing up, something like this -

'Where are you from?" "Kyneton" "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" "Six" "There must not be much to do in. Kyneton, eh?"

Even pre-teen me was surprised he said that on Saturday morning :D

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KeithMyArthe@reddit

I seem to remember a similar comment too, something about daddy not treating mummy like a bouncy castle, but I can't find evidence of it anywhere.

^(Might have been a Stefanovic)

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ErieHog@reddit

Conversely, had she loved it enough to put it in her mouth a bit more often, she probably wouldn't have had 17 kids.

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04221970@reddit

Not true

Groucho himself denied he ever said it

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/the-secret-words/

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unoredtwo@reddit

This read like it was straight out of 90s chain emails so I’m not surprised

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TomahawkA5@reddit (OP)

Seems like from the article it’s contested. Like he might’ve said it during the taping, but it didn’t actually air.

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AvonMustang@reddit

Thanks for the link.

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nelly2929@reddit

I don’t think Groucho knows how babies are made?

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halffilledglasses@reddit

Babies smell like tobacco

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Empty_Nestor@reddit

Back in the 60s there was a kids show on one of our local channels. One day the host asked a kid for his best joke.

Kid: “Why is a woman like a frying pan?”

Host: “I don’t know, why is a woman like a frying pan?”

Kid: “You have to heat it up before you put the meat in.”

The show immediately went to one of those “Technical difficulties, please stand by” signs. When they came back, the host acted like nothing had happened.

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seebob69@reddit

In Australia, in the 60s there was a children's show, and one of the kids asked if he could tell a joke.

Miss Susan: What is the joke Tommy?

Tommy: What part of Popeye never gets rusty?

Miss Susan: I don't know Tommy.

Tommy: The part he sticks in Olive Oil.

In the background you could hear the crew breaking up, and the camera focused on Tommy was shaking.

Miss Susan didn't miss a beat.

And who told you that joke Tommy?

Tommy: My brother.

I'm guessing his brother had a bit of explaining to do that night.

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ProtonPizza@reddit

That kid is a legend.

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martphon@reddit

Then Susan said, "You can take that cigar and stick it up your ass!", and Groucho cracked, "If you'd taken up your ass once in a while, you wouldn't have had so many goddam kids!"

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Theiving_stable_boy@reddit

Then she said "That sounds like a challenge, are you offering?"

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nerankori@reddit

Yeah,but did he ever put his cigar in his pussy?

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TomahawkA5@reddit (OP)

Turns out this is a pretty incredible urban legend. Such a good joke our collective consciousness wills it to be true.

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