I stopped in a convenience store, and as I'm waiting in line to pay the guy in front of me puts down a dozen doughnuts, two big bags of Doritos, one of those cheap one-gallon bottles of the generic brand fruit punch, and a nasty old rotting banana

He turns to the clerk and says to him, "My girlfriend just had an operation she can only eat certain things."

I look at him and I go, "Yeah right, what did she have, a bong-hit transplant?"