One of my favorite pun formats: A man dies, and, at the funeral, his widow asks if anyone would like to say a few words...
Posted by Weezy1@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 77 comments
His friend stands up, and says:
"Black Friday Sales Event" "Thank you, that means a great deal"
"Ambulance" "Thank you, that was just what he needed"
"Being alive" "Thank you, he would have liked that"
"Muy Mucho" "Thank you, as a Spanish speaker, that would have meant a lot to him"
"Pulmonary artery" "Thank you, that touched my heart"
"Relocation" "Thank you, that's moving"
"Elevator" "Thank you, that's uplifting"
"Grandiloquent" "Thank you, that must have been difficult to say"
"Hole in the ground with water" "Thank you, I know you mean well"
"Bear spray" "Thank you, that brought tears to my eyes"
"9/11" "Thank you, I'll never forget that"
EatCrud@reddit
I'm interested in how the word placenta would play out.
Exo_Deadlock@reddit
“Bargain.” “That means a great deal.”
RoburLC@reddit
A bar gain will favour the bar, not necessarily the other side.
clemclem3@reddit
"I'm sorry", and "I apologize" mean the same thing
Except at a funeral
Disastrous-Bee3260@reddit
What do you mean by that? I’ve heard it a bunch and never gotten it
fasterthanfood@reddit
Usually, “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” can be switched out without changing the meaning at all. If you step on someone’s toe or eat their food or sleep with their mom, it doesn’t really make any difference whether you say “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.” They both mean “I feel guilty, so please forgive me.”
But at a funeral, “I’m sorry” means “I’m sorry for your loss” or “I feel bad that you’re grieving” (which would be a weird thing to say, incidentally, but it’s basically the meaning of what you’re saying). “I apologize” would still mean “I feel guilty, so please forgive me,” which implies that you murdered their loved one.
(This isn’t JUST true for a funeral; that example just makes the joke funnier. You could also respond to “I got fired” or “I think I’m getting sick” with “I’m sorry,” meaning “I sympathize with your pain,” but you would not say “I apologize” in these instances.)
Disastrous-Bee3260@reddit
Ohhhh 😅 thanks friend
killerchef69@reddit
That was good, but it took me a minute!
---reddit_account---@reddit
It's from Demitri Martin
marcaurellius@reddit
I own leather sleeves.
fasterthanfood@reddit
just say “I’m sorry” and move on
Negative_Corner6722@reddit
Another I’ve seen is ‘el mundo.’
‘Thank you, as a Spanish speaker that would’ve meant the world to him.’
DuaneHicks@reddit
Plethora ?
epolonsky@reddit
That means a lot
blaknight34@reddit
Do you even know what a plethora is?
drowned_beliefs@reddit
A lot of pleather.
TriforceUnleashed@reddit
No, El Guapo.
halxp01@reddit
Of Piñatas?
FlyingMacheteSponser@reddit
That hit me hard.
galt-john1984@reddit
Yes, el guapo, you have a plethora!
khnphwzhn@reddit
I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora.
PieceDiligent4653@reddit
Bro pulled out the premium vocabulary 😭
HMWWaWChChIaWChCChW@reddit
Why would you say it’s a plethora is your do not know what “plethora” means?
TheNJGM@reddit
Forgive me, El Guapo. I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education. But could it be that once again, you are angry at something else and are looking to take it out on me?
itsjakerobb@reddit
To the downvoters, this is a (slightly misquoted) reference to a movie.
Senior_Reputation478@reddit
Where’s the joke?
Embarrassed_Lake3358@reddit
Plethora? Thank you, that’s overwhelmingly appreciated 😆
EngageAndMakeItSo@reddit
The OG.
Astromites@reddit
Thank you, that means a lot
Whywouldanyonedothat@reddit
"Door handle". Thank you, that brings closure.
TheoriginalTonio@reddit
"Meteorite" "Thank you, that's very impactful"
"Stepping on a Landmine" "Thank you, that's Life-changing"
"Anal Fisting" "Thank you, that's deeply touching"
APacketOfWildeBees@reddit
Deeply touching is wild 😭
Wowza-yowza@reddit
"Blow Job" Oh gawd!
ztreHdrahciR@reddit
Bahahah deeply touching
Lucyyyyyy_K@reddit
I don't understand, can you explain?
boethius61@reddit
The words the guest say seem to be random. The wife responds with the standard gracious thank yous that you might say at any funeral speech. That was touching, that was moving, blah blah blah. These phrases are usually metaphorical. But the side says thank yous that all relate back to the random words as more literal puns.
One guy stands up and says "pulmonary artery". That artery connects to the heart. So the wife's response is "thank you, that touched my heart." Because the pulmonary artery literally touches the heart.
Someone says, "relocation". To relocate is to move. So the wife's response is, "thank you, that moved me".
Very similar in format to Tom Swifties.
Lucyyyyyy_K@reddit
Thank you, that was enlightening
JohnBarnson@reddit
He would have liked that
Conscious_Okra4367@reddit
I think you mean “light bulb”. ☺️
jhonnytheyank@reddit
"Thank you. he lived by those words. "
Density5521@reddit
18-wheeler – He never saw it coming.
Mean-Ad-310@reddit
poke poke
TyrconnellFL@reddit
Very touching.
Mean-Ad-310@reddit
Thanks, I’m a man of few words 😅
StrainTiny7349@reddit
My father was a man of few words but once he said to me, "Son..."....
Frido1976@reddit
rather actions...
parklife980@reddit
"A cold beer"
"Thankyou, it's what he would have wanted"
boobmeyourpms@reddit
Muy mucho should be responded with “thank you as a Spanish speaker that would mean very much for him
bonkava@reddit
As a Spanish speaker "muy mucho" doesn't mean anything. "Very a lot."
Weezy1@reddit (OP)
https://www.spanishdict.com/translate/muy%20mucho
fasterthanfood@reddit
Hoy aprendí
keestie@reddit
Peggy Hill? Is that you?
TheHeroHartmut@reddit
"Water hole."
"Thanks, I know you meant well."
nixcamic@reddit
As a Spanish speaker I'd just like to say "muy mucho" isn't how it works. Muchísimo is the word you want.
keestie@reddit
Is this a regional or dialect thing? Because a *lot* of sources say that "muy mucho" means "a lot" and is in common parlance.
nixcamic@reddit
It is technically gramatically correct but I wouldn't say it's in common parlance, here's a discussion in Spanish about it: https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/muy-mucho.1030023/
It's kinda like... One of those phrases that's super antiquated but still used in some rural areas, imagine some Appalachian English turns of phase that sound wrong but are actually how everyone spoke 200 years ago.
RoburLC@reddit
Widow: "would you like to say a word?"
Friend: "plethora"
Widow: "that says a lot."
delicious-croissant@reddit
“Yeeeeaaaaarrrrggggghhhhhhmmm! Splooge!”
KeithMyArthe@reddit
Plethora
Thanks. That means a lot.
Autodidact2@reddit
Dictionary
Thank you. That was full of meaning.
Fingers.
Thank you, that was touching.
justanotheruser1981@reddit
“Plethora”, “thank you, that means a lot”
EnvironmentalGift257@reddit
"Bread dough" Thank you that was just what he kneaded.
olewolf@reddit
Reminds me of a massage clinic (the clinical kind) in Berkeley whose sign said: "For all your kneads."
Rough-Patience-2435@reddit
One one hand my spouse and friends will be happy that I planed my funeral and even wrote my eulogy for them.
On the other hand, they are going to have to read this to the group.
_aviemore_@reddit
"Jeopardy" "What was his favourite Game Show? Thanks"
manuyzmani@reddit
Reminded me of this one:
A widow goes to the newspaper office to place an obituary for her husband.
The clerk says, “It’s $5 per word.”
The widow says, “Then just write: ‘Joe died.’”
The clerk feels sorry for her and says, “For the same price, you can add three more words.”
The widow thinks for a moment and says:
“Joe died. Bike for sale.”
Tcloud@reddit
He was electrocuted.
Thank you, that was shocking.
Unique_Acadia_2099@reddit
Obsequious
“Thank you, he would have insisted on hearing you say that.”
match_@reddit
He wanted his ashes scattered in a thunderstorm.
“Yes he will be mist”
Equivalent-Draft9248@reddit
"Mag 7" "Much appreciated".
"With Fingers" "I feel the same way"
"Well" "Well said"
TyrconnellFL@reddit
“A few words.”
Natural-Pineapple886@reddit
One, two, three.
EmperorSexy@reddit
“Cure for Cancer”
“Thanks, It’s what he would have wanted.”
finger_licking_robot@reddit
"hotline" - "thank you for the support"
"butt-massage"- "thank you that's very touching"
"ejaculation" - "thank you for coming"
epolonsky@reddit
“Terra”
Roku-Hanmar@reddit
That means the world to me
EngageAndMakeItSo@reddit
“Plethora.” “That means a lot.” “The globe.” “That means the world to me.” “The universe.” “That means everything.” “Yosemite National Park.” “That’s beautiful.”