Wife approaches her husband while he is reading a book.
Posted by Inevitable-Focus7321@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 52 comments
"Promise me you won't get mad," the wife whispered, her eyes fixed on the floor.
Her husband looked up from his book. "I promise. What’s going on?"
"And you won't hit me?" she pressed.
The husband laughed, pulled her close, and said, "I have never laid a hand on you and I never will. You can tell me anything."
She closed her eyes and braced herself for a slap. "I'm pregnant."
"That’s incredible news!" Husband shouted, over the moon. "Why would you think I’d be angry about that?"
Wife wiped her brow and said, "I guess I'm just traumatized. Because when I told my mom the same thing in the 9th grade, she nearly killed me."
Waitsfornoone@reddit
Going dark on this one:
What does a pregnant teenager and her unborn baby have in common?
They're both thinking 'Oh shit, my mom is gonna kill me...'
takitza@reddit
Also baby related:
Can you paint a wall with a baby? - Yes, if you throw him fast enough.
FighterWoman@reddit
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
BabyNarad@reddit
What if the painter's name is Baby?
FighterWoman@reddit
What’s the difference between a sack of gold and seven dead babies?
I do not have a sack of gold in my basement.
BabyNarad@reddit
My username does allow me verify your claim.
exprezso@reddit
Rephrase it as "can a baby laint a wall"
glaive1976@reddit
I would also change fast to hard on the punchline.
BrainyLizard@reddit
I'm just glad you didn't abort and gave the joke a chance🤣
ApolloniusTyaneus@reddit
That joke is dead on arrival.
Just like the unborn baby.
Cyrus_Of_Mt@reddit
Oh no
Frequent-Bus3949@reddit
As an Abortionist, I approve this joke!
spottyPotty@reddit
Baby will never want to pursue a career in fashion...
Will be traumatised by coat hangers.
notyourregularninja@reddit
You really meant “dark”
dadof3inFL@reddit
Wow
Pfyxoeous@reddit
I'd also like to add my uncomfortable acknowledgment of this joke.
Easythaiger@reddit
Am I not getting the joke here?
HeadOfSpectre@reddit
Her parents were upset over a potential teen pregnancy and she was traumatized by that.
hilarymeggin@reddit
I still don’t see how that makes this a joke.
flannel_jesus@reddit
It's not remotely funny or a good punch line or anything. I don't know what op was thinking, sounds like something a 9th grader would come up with.
HeadOfSpectre@reddit
The 'comedy' is that despite being married and presumably an adult, she's acting as if he's going to react the same way her family did back then.
It's not a funny joke imo. The punchline hinges on the idea that she's not smart enough to understand the difference in these two situations.
Or I'm misunderstanding it. Idk. Not a fan
Inevitable-Big5590@reddit
yeah this joke sucks
keestie@reddit
OMG I'M LAUGHING SO HARD NOW
caesar950@reddit
I think the joke is that she was pregnant in the 9th grade and presumably her husband doesn’t know, which is what should be upsetting to him and obviously not the fact that she is now pregnant.
littlebrownbeetle1@reddit
This feels like it belongs in r/antijoke
hilarymeggin@reddit
Yeah, how is this funny?
bokato2@reddit
Are we stupid cos I don't get it too
flannel_jesus@reddit
I'm with you, it doesn't seem like a joke to me. That's not even a punch line. Does op think the mention of teen pregnancy is inherently hilarious? It's just stupid lol.
Aionius_@reddit
Yeah it’s not funny at all. Not in some snowflake this is offensive way but like it literally just doesn’t… it’s… not a joke? Lmao
KrimsonKilo@reddit
Not how I thought that was going to go
keestie@reddit
Yeah, I was expecting a joke for some reason.
AssAdmiral_@reddit
This "joke" having so many upvotes proves once again that redditors will upvote anything
Thrashgor@reddit
What's worse than 2 dead babies in a garbage bin?
One dead baby in two bins.
What's blue-orange, floating in a pool? Child with popped floaties
What's blue-green-orange, floating in a pool? Same child, 2 weeks later
Previous-Friend5212@reddit
I definitely like the concept of this joke, but I'm struggling to figure out how to work in the necessary context for her earlier pregnancy to be both unknown to her husband and something he would care way more about. Without the context, I don't think the joke lands because there's no reason to think this earlier pregnancy is a surprise, much less a bigger and more problematic surprise.
Tek2674@reddit
Plot twist: the joke takes place in Alabama and the husband replies “your in 10th grade now sweetie nothing to worry about our mom can’t hurt you anymore” 😂😂
RGomes86@reddit
That would at least be a joke
Ginger630@reddit
Is the joke in the room with us?
DontTickleTheDriver1@reddit
This one has some layers to it
Rustymarble@reddit
Isn't that what the French patry chef said?
PhilipWaterford@reddit
The problem is that 9th grade means something different depending on the country. We don't even do it by grades in my country.
OutrageousCricket637@reddit
Then how do you determine the quality of your sex???
PhilipWaterford@reddit
Fortunately we aren't that insecure.
daschande@reddit
After you reach black belt, you get white bands on your belt to show your level of advanced sexual expertise.
...Or so I've heard.
OutrageousCricket637@reddit
Is the black belt bigger than the white belt???
ixidorecu@reddit
That would make here about 15 years old
OutrageousCricket637@reddit
How old were you?
ixidorecu@reddit
Huh? Philip said he is from somwhere they don't do grade numbers like that. Just trying to give context
PhilipWaterford@reddit
Ty.
Getting downvoted for not knowing what country the joke is set in and the related school system.
Honestly if I'd had to guess I'd have thought 13. Start school at 4 & 8grades.
I'm guessing ops country is possibly South Africa though as that'd match 15 for 9th grade.
dudebronahbrah@reddit
Wife trying on a new dress: “Be honest, does this dress make me look fat?”
Husband: “Promise not to be mad, no matter what I say?”
Wife: “Yes, of course.”
Husband: “I fucked your sister.”
Background_Fee_4391@reddit
Not a joke. Someone didn't understand the assignment🤣
bussinbeats@reddit
Hmmm. Definitely an alternate ending
Raven2129@reddit
Great joke. /s