Miss Jones husband has no libido

Posted by pacmanfunky@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 40 comments

Miss Jones has been happily married to her husband for 50 years, but she is disappointed how they are no longer intimate anymore in their autumn years. She decides to see her doctor.

"Miss Jones, how can I help you?" The doctor smiles. She explains her situation and the doctor nods.

"That is fine, Miss Jones I can give you some pills for him to take" Miss Jones shakes her head sadly. "Doctor he refuses to take pills, it's too embrassing for him to think he has to take pills for sex"

The doctor says "Ok, take this vial of liquid and put it in his morning coffee"

Miss Jones leaves and comes back the next day. "Nothing doctor, not even a hint of passion" She says disappointed.

"Fine" The doctor says "Take this edible gel, and when you make him lunch. Spread it on his sandwiches like butter, that'll perk him up"

Miss Jones leaves and comes back the next day annoyed. "Again, nothing he didn't so much as get excited even when I worn some lacey panties to bed that night"

The doctor scatches his head "Right then" He goes to a drawer and comes back with a medication that comes in a salt shaker. "Put this on his dinner, it is our most potent aphrodisiac"

Miss Jones leaves and comes back the next day, absolutely furious. The doctor says "Miss Jones you must be joking, surely something happened"

Miss Jones angrily exclaims "As soon as he had one bite, he got a mad gint in his eye. He took me and we had mad, wild passionate sex. Right there on the table"

The doctor is confused "But surely that's what you wanted"

Miss Jones reply "Of course, it was the best sex I have ever had in my life"

The doctor says "But why are so upset?"

Miss Jones shouts "I can never show my face in that restaurant again!!"

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No-Mathematician8692@reddit

It's a stupid joke. Lack of bedroom activity doesn't happen because someone is overweight, the general relationship detriorates to the point of intimacy not being a priority.

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jpopimpin777@reddit

That's definitely not true. When I was with my ex it definitely happened. Not because of me, mind you, but because of how she felt about herself. Her weight had fluctuated throughout our relationship. I didn't care at all I thought she was beautiful and didn't really notice.

But it got to the point where she thought she'd "let herself go." She lost confidence and took solace in food which just exacerbated the issue. Once someone has lost confidence in their body and doesn't feel good enough for sex it's a very slippery slope to climb. I tried to help but it was no good. We're still friends and I hope she's doing well now.

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Twukguy81@reddit

Really told on yourself there, madam

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CoffeeSutta@reddit

Sounds like the shoe fits.

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Picnic_Basket@reddit

Are you the fat wife who logged onto her husband's reddit account? It's like you completely forgot what sub you're on despite being the OP.

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KarlSethMoran@reddit

Cool blanket statement you've got there. Obvious too.

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Facts_pls@reddit

Well if you gonna be like that, the reality is, being fat significantly reduces sexual desires and activity.

And yes, having an attractive partner increases sexual activity and most people find not-fat-people more attractive.

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toxcrusadr@reddit

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2836382929@reddit

I mean, it can definitely cease because someone is overweight.

Ewetootwo@reddit

Just asking for a friend … what’s the telephone number of that doctor?

Clickguy10@reddit

It’s now available online with a brief interview and subscription.

kestelli@reddit

Does the restaurant have footage?

They called it dessert. And charged for it.

pacmanfunky@reddit (OP)

He's been sacked unfortunately for stealing medication, he was found hard at work.

WickedSw1tch@reddit

Working hard or hardly working? Neither cz he got sacked

It was hard on him

jsbach90@reddit

Hardened criminal indeed

cebiaw@reddit

Nobody was taking it harder than his staff

Business_Act_127@reddit

He kept a stiff upper lip about it.

Ok_Sundae2510@reddit

Nice try “friend,” that sounds like the kind of info that doesn’t end well.

louibrew@reddit

"I'll have what she's having."

avalisk@reddit

Works way better with the Applebee's punchline

I am not American we don't have Applesbee's.

You need to come to America and have dinner at Applebee’s with your special person. After you see the doctor.

Arstanishe@reddit

I've heard a reverse joke.

The guy goes to a friend, and complains thar hix wife doesn't want him. Friend gives him a under-the-shelf medicine and says - just put half a tablet in her food, not more!

so he goes, does that, but then thinks "well, there is half a tablet of aphrodisiac, i might as well take it". so he eats the other half.

They eat dinner as normal, but after a few minutes wife's eyes get big and round, she turns to a husband, and says "I. WANT.A.MAN.RIGHT.NOW". The husband looks at her with the same expression and replies: "ME.TOO"

TheWouldBeMerchant@reddit

I thought this was going to be the joke where the doctor eventually gives the wife a pill for her to take herself. The wife asks what it is, and the doctor replies "weight loss pill".

(Yes, I know it's misogynistic, but it's an old joke).

Dakk85@reddit

I thought it was going to be some variation of; he’s banging someone else

centstwo@reddit

…in Applebees again.

Eugenian@reddit

*Mrs. Jones?

Waitsfornoone@reddit

But she does have a lovely daughter.

Note: You have to be a lot of years old to get this reference.

Human-Contribution16@reddit

Herman?

That's it.

Malalang@reddit

I'm sorry Miss Jackson is the next Gen of that song

Oh shoot, you right. I had Miss Jones from rising damp on my mind.

articland05_reddit@reddit

must be Xentrex

OrganizedNarcoleptic@reddit

My bones are cold

skanktastik@reddit

There were three couples taking classes in preparation for marriage in the Catholic Church. "The most important thing is this: you must remain chaste until your wedding day". At the end of the classes, the priest asked the first couple if they stayed pure and abstained from sex, and they said Yes. He asked the second couple, and they said the same. He then asked the third couple, and the man says,"I have to be honest, Father. One day, as my fiance reached up to a high shelf to grab a can of peaches, I saw up her dress and was overcome by desire, and we made love." The priest says, "Well, that's unfortunate. You're no longer welcomed in this church". The man says, "That's OK, we're not allowed in Kroger's anymore either".

mmfn0403@reddit

I thought this was going to be the one about the sausages:

At home later, the wife puts the salt shaker on the table and gives her husband a plate of sausages and chips. She goes back into the kitchen to get her own plate and while she’s there, she hears her husband making strange noises.

The wife runs back into the dining room, thinking her husband is having a fit, and finds him helpless with laughter.

“What happened?” she asks.

He replies, “I put some salt on my dinner, and the two sausages just leapt off the plate and shot straight up the cat’s arse.”

A timeless classic

happymancry@reddit

If only our healthcare system were this efficient. Daily appointments? Where are we, Cuba? /s