A baby is born but he doesn't have a body

Posted by Sauterneandbleu@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 18 comments

He's only a head. They called him Steven. Steven was a happy child and he lived as normal life as you could under those circumstances. Finally when he reached 21 his dad said, "Come on son we're going to have a drink to celebrate your birthday"

He put the head on the counter and he ordered two pints of Guinness. He said cheers and he poured a sip into his son's mouth. To everyone's surprise, a neck and shoulders popped out like balloons. With tears of joy, the dad gave him another sip, and Pop! Two arms came out of the shoulders! The dad gave him a third sip, and pop! He grew a torso! And he gave him a fourth sip and pop! He grew legs! They had to get out of there to get him some clothes because he never had any before. His dad helped him to the door because He was unsteady on his feet because they were new and because of the drink.

He stumbled into the street and got hit by a car, instantly killing him.

The bartender said, "Poor guy. He should have quit while he was a head"

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canada11235813@reddit

Years later, the parents decide to have another kid. Everyone tells them it’s a BAD idea, but they’re adamant… and they get pregnant. “Whatever happens happens” they say, and even decide to skip the routine ultrasounds and whatever else. Whatever happens is what’s meant to happen.

Finally, it’s delivery day. Given the doctors knowing this is a very high-risk pregnancy, they rush the mom to the ER to perform a C-section. The father is left waiting for hours.

Finally, the doctor emerges.

“How is she doc? How’s the baby?!” “Well… your wife is fine. There’s good news and bad news… come with me”

Doc takes him to the NICU where the baby is in a tiny incubator.

The dad looks into the incubator and sees… not a baby… not even a head… it’s just an eyeball.

The dad is very upset… “What the hell?! My baby is an eyeball?! That’s awful!! You said there’s good news! What’s the good news?!”

“Well… the good news is… it’s alive”

“What?! Well… what’s the bad news?!”

“Unfortunately, it’s blind”

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Budget-Variation-560@reddit

Years later, the parents decide to have another kid again. Everyone tells them it’s a BAD idea, but they’re adamant… and they get pregnant. “Whatever happens happens” they say, and even decide to skip the routine ultrasounds and whatever else again. Whatever happens is what’s meant to happen.

Finally, it’s delivery day again. Given the doctors knowing this is a very high-risk pregnancy, they rush the mom to the ER to perform a C-section. The father is left waiting for hours.

Finally, the doctor emerges.

“How is she doc? How’s the baby?!” “Well… your wife is fine. There’s good news and bad news… come with me”

Doc takes him to the NICU where the baby is in a tiny incubator.

The dad looks into the incubator and sees… not a baby… not even a head… it’s just an nose.

The dad is very upset… “What the hell?! My baby is an nose?! That’s awful!! You said there’s good news! What’s the good news?!”

“Well… the good news is… it’s alive”

“What?! Well… what’s the bad news?!”

“Unfortunately, it smells”

reading-not-writing@reddit

And when he was 16, his parents decided to take a short vacation after diligently spending their lives raising him. They returned, bringing him a souvenir. His reply: gee thanks, another hat.

RayNooze@reddit

His name was Edward when the joke was told back in the 70s. Eddie the Head. He was the namesake for Iron Maiden's mascot.

Illustrious-Echo2936@reddit

i snorted

Shutter_King@reddit

Underrated post

jumpmanzero@reddit

Reminded me of the classic Tom Cardy song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HqLysSnnlQ&t=68s

AgeAdditional4971@reddit

Doc: I have bad news and really bad news… the bad news is your baby is just an ear… a 6 pound 5 ounce baby ear. No arms or legs or head… just an ear. But that’s not the worst part…. He’s DEAF…

Rough-Patience-2435@reddit

What did you just say?

Kiwistu2009@reddit

This one is the Rodney Rude version. "Anyway this young couple had this baby. When it was born, it was born without a body or arms or legs or anything it was just a head! But it was a good looking head!

It was his ninth birthday his father looks called him over and said 'Come here head' He said got a nice present for you, the head says 'Not another fucken hat is it?'

So anyway this head, this head was about fourteen right! Bought fourteen years old and he was in this swimming carnival. They said 'On your blocks, get set, go' and he um, he dived in and went straight to the bottom! And nobody worried about him or took any notice of him and after about five minutes somebody rescued him and he was really pissed off! They said 'What happened head?' He said 'Oh fuck I got a cramp!'

So anyway, so anyway this head brew up right he was about twenty-two. Bout twenty-two years and bowled in the The Antler, right? And he bowled up to the bar and he says 'GIVE ME A BEER!' 'NOW PUT A STRAW IN IT!' 'NOW PUT THE STRAW IN MY MOUTH!' 'NOW GET THE CIGARETTES OUTTA MY COLLAR!' 'NOW PUT ONE IN MY MOUTH!' 'NOW LIGHT THE BASTARD!' He said 'NOW, DO YOU HAVE DART COMEPTITIONS AT THIS HOTEL?' And the waiter said 'Yeah' He said 'WELL GET A DART AND PUT IT IN MY MOUTH, FEATHERS FIRST!' 'NOW THROW THE FUCKEN BOARD AT ME!!'"