Super pussy!!
Posted by punkr0ckpapa@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 61 comments
This old man was sitting at his kitchen table reading the paper and, out of nowhere his wife comes running in the kitchen wearing nothing but a cape and a big "S" painted on her chest.
She runs past him yelling SUPER PUSSY!!!! and without even looking up from his newspaper the old man calmly exclaims I'll have the soup...
dsynadinos@reddit
True story: back when McDonalds was doing the “super size” campaign, where you could make any large order “extra large”, I went to eat at a fine, sit-down, Italian restaurant. While ordering, after I chose my entree, the waitress asked, “Super-sized salad?”. I wasn’t that hungry so just answered, “No, regular is ok.”
She was of course confused and it took a while before I understood that she was asking me if I wanted “Soup or side salad”.
sgtsaggy@reddit
Also true story: When I was younger I helped my dad and uncle renovate my grandparents condo. My grandparents took us all out to dinner afterwards, and while taking my uncle's order the waitress asked "soup or salad?". Uncle at her dead serious and responded "Can I have just a regular sized salad?". I laughed my ass off and never let him live down.
Always-_-Sarcastic@reddit
This is the kind of thing that I'd remember in the middle of the night and curl up in embarrassment.
dsynadinos@reddit
Close. The story that makes me curl up at midnight is when I joined a group of friends at my first "fancy" restaurant. I was confused by the menu, but was too embarrassed to ask for help. Which only made things worse when I ordered first and asked for "the 12.5 and number 34", to which the waiter replied, "Those...are the prices, sir."
Kalle_79@reddit
More importantly, fine dining menus don't have numbers...
dsynadinos@reddit
Yes, that too 😆
Hyp3r45_new@reddit
Would you also have answers the question "how would you like your stake" with "cooked", if asked?
Newbori@reddit
If it's really high end, you aren't asked this question, you'll eat it the way the chef intended.
Prestigious-Top-5897@reddit
The correct answer would be „as raw as the cook dares“…
dsynadinos@reddit
I'm a dad now, so probably yeah.
SyrisX@reddit
Not exactly in the soup or salad vein, but my cousin once ordered the "upgrade meal" for 25 cents. The regular meal was much more expensive so it was a steal.
In his defense he was probably only 10 or so at the time.
Thoracic_Snark@reddit
About 25 years ago, I met up with a college friend I hadn't seen in years. We went to a diner for dinner and I ordered whatever soup they had for their daily special. When the waitress asked "would you like a cup or a bowl," my friend replied "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Otherwise it'll just go all over the table."
mrsirsouth@reddit
Was he a dad yet, by chance or took a could of young teenagers under his wing?
Cenobyte_Nom-nom-nom@reddit
The universe instills every dad and many moms with the dad joke gene about 20 seconds before birth so that it can course thru their veins evenly.
snorkel_goggles@reddit
I think Dad jokes are like eggs. You're born with a set amount. You just start releasing them more frequently when older.
Blue_Bird950@reddit
If it was instilled that late into development, it would be extremely unevenly distributed. It would need to be instilled at the zygote stage, when the baby is just a single cell, so that it is copied to all other cells.
Thoracic_Snark@reddit
He had young children. Too young for the good dad jokes.
Hypothesis_Null@reddit
"Soup night was the worst."
DFA_Wildcat@reddit
I ordered a Pepsi one time and the waitress ask if I wanted it in the can. No thanks, I'll just have it here at the table.
goatholomew@reddit
Clark?
Kalle_79@reddit
During a school trip to Switzerland, via France, we stopped for lunch at a McDonalds.
I ordered in my 12th grade French and it all went fine until the girl asked me if I wanted "some fish", to which I replied "no thank you, burger is fine".
She looked confused and asked me again if I wanted a Coke or something...
Then it dawned on me she had asked me about boisson (drink) and not poisson (fish).
Damn real-life languages not sounding like textbook videos.
T-Maine850@reddit
This actually help me get the joke
mralex@reddit
Weird how no one wants to talk about labiaplasty.
Everyone is so tight-lipped about it.
LicknDragon@reddit
Still a lot of stigma from the loose lips sink ships campaign.
PraiseTyche@reddit
I feel like I missed the joke, but I still laughed.
FlowWrecker86@reddit
Superpussy = soup or pussy
PraiseTyche@reddit
It's funnier now.
JiANTSQUiD@reddit
Is it?
VexImmortalis@reddit
All jokes are funnier once you've explained them
CalmAnts@reddit
A Joke is like a frog.
When you dissect it, it dies. Get it? A frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you explain it. Basically, the frog is used as an analogy, to help people understand that jokes shouldn't be explained, because the joke will die, or more specifically, become unfunny. So, just like when a frog dies when you dissect it, so does a joke when you dissect, or explain it.
Pm-me-ur-happysauce@reddit
Sometimes explaining the joke is even funnier than the joke itself
mrsirsouth@reddit
Hot damn, you're onto something.
dot1910@reddit
You ruined it for me.
I thought he chose soup even if it was not an option.
acidkrn0@reddit
calmly exclaims?
9spaceking@reddit
Harry did you put your name in the goblet of fire
kyle1170@reddit
HARRY YOU LYING PIECE OF SHIT! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! AVADA KEDAVRA
disturbedrailroader@reddit
The mental image I got from this was hysterical. Thank you for that.
rhinoceros_unicornis@reddit
Everybody stay calm!
Spadizzly@reddit
Calmer than you are.
stain57@reddit
"Yes!" He yelled quietly.
Ralonne@reddit
“Make it soup!” he then shouted in a mumble.
KentroSlade@reddit
Stopping crime with the labia majora of justice!
raulmonkey@reddit
That took me far too long, and had a chuckle. Thank you
Beatless7@reddit
That took me a second read to understand. Decent joke for sure.
Waitsfornoone@reddit
I wonder how the story changes if the next day a naked old man yells out "Super Dick!"
Relevant_Ad_5431@reddit
The wife says, "If you're such a super detective, why don't you have a clue how to locate my G-spot?"
2ChicksShyOfA3Sum@reddit
Husband takes the dick and divorces the wife after he finds out he prefers men.
Conquistador1901@reddit
Old guy looking at old pussy, no contest . SOUP.
olegolas_1983@reddit
Soldier Boy begs to differ
vajrasana@reddit
Did you nut? Usually you nut
olegolas_1983@reddit
He's my fave supe. Cracks me up every time he speaks. His exchange with Deep had me chuckling.
AdGrouchy6527@reddit
You look like you want to suck my..
KingDariusTheFirst@reddit
Do you want some knee pads?
AdGrouchy6527@reddit
Aahaha
Dudephish@reddit
He's still going to get it all down his chin.
usernames-are-wack@reddit
Get the salad, I heard it’s super
sixtyfoursqrs@reddit
Only if tossed
Independent_Bite4682@reddit
Old lady in an assisted living center decides to be a little wild.
She walks up to an old man and flips up her dress showing her pussy.
The old man was so shocked tha the passed out.
Then she did it again and again the new old man passes out.
So, she thinks that she has a super pussy and comes up to a third old man.
She flips up her dress and yells, "SUPER PUSSY!"
He calmly looks and say, "I will have the soup."
Independent_Bite4682@reddit
I will have the soup.
Before even reading the joke
showmiaface@reddit
I heard it as “… are you ready for some super sex…”
LostBetsRed@reddit
I've usually heard this one as: For his 90th birthday, a guy's friends hired a hooker to jump out of a giant birthday cake at his party. She did, and cooed at him, "Hey there, birthday boy. I'm here to give you super sex." He replied, "That's great! I'll have the soup."