Nonsense Jokes
Posted by woodwerker76@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 172 comments
There is a whole category of jokes that I call nonsense jokes. A couple of my favorites:
What's the difference between a duck?
-> One of it's legs is both the same.
Why don't you ever see an elephant hiding in a tree?
-> Because they're really good at it.
Have you got a favorite?
Unique_Anywhere5735@reddit
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Control freak. Now you're supposed to say "Control freak who?"
wurzelbrunft@reddit
If you mix a pinch of paprika with a ton of spinach, the paprika loses its ugly red color.
EruditeLegume@reddit
It was only ugly to non-paprikarins....
Shagzter@reddit
What's white and can't jump a fence?
A fridge.
What's blue and white and can't jump a fence?
The same fridge wearing a denim jacket.
Anusthrasher96berg@reddit
Love the extra layer of nonsense
FrankMiner2949er@reddit
My favourite is the granddaddy of non-jokes..
Why did the chicken cross the road?. To get to the other side
The reason why it's so famous is because it is such a good joke, but that means there's a good chance you've heard it before
EruditeLegume@reddit
Rooster, by the side of the road:
cluck cluck cluck CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK CLUUUUURK!
Why did the road cross the rooster?
kingstern_man@reddit
How do you fit two elephants in an Austin Mini? One in the front and one in the back. How do you fit two giraffes in a Mini? One in the front and one in the back, but you have to open the sunroof.
EruditeLegume@reddit
whyamihere999@reddit
And who will take the elephants out first?
Shagzter@reddit
What's the difference between a llama and a llama? Orange, because bicycles don't have doors.
EruditeLegume@reddit
But the moon might have legs!
Sufficiently_Jokey@reddit
Q: What did Jane say when she saw the elephants? A: "Here come the elephants!"
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants? A: "Here come the grapes!" (He was colourblind).
EruditeLegume@reddit
Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw 4 elephants coming?
A: 'Swim for your lives!'
adonoman@reddit
Q: What did Jane say when she saw the elephants wearing sunglasses?
A: Nothing, she didn't recognize them.
centstwo@reddit
What was the elephant doing on Interstate 5?
About 4 miles an hour.
MontEcola@reddit
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Surrealist artist
Surrealist artist who?
To get to the other side.
EruditeLegume@reddit
Twice. On asphalt!
jfincher42@reddit
How many surrealist does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to swing the giraffe by his neck, and the other to fill the bathtub with lime jello.
MontEcola@reddit
You get it. I suppose you do need to know what a surrealist artist does to appreciate the joke.
ShadowExistShadily@reddit
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the butter.
EruditeLegume@reddit
How can you tell if you've just passed an elephant?
Lots of heaving and straining and you can't close the toilet seat.
the_salivation_army@reddit
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bulldozer.
Why did the plane crash?
Cos the pilot was a piece of cheese.
EruditeLegume@reddit
A bus full of preschoolers
WildBad7298@reddit
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
pjspaws@reddit
Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the monkey.
andypro77@reddit
Why did the weirdo fall out of the tree?
He was having sex with the squirrel.
EruditeLegume@reddit
He'd staple-gunned his feet to the monkey.
Virginia_Dentata@reddit
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure
nickfree@reddit
“Wait, you forgot the second monkey!”
No, there wasn’t one.
___HeyGFY___@reddit
Why do flamingos lift one leg?
If they lifted both legs, they would fall.
bornfromanegg@reddit
Why do scuba divers always fall out of the boat backwards?
Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat.
Romey-Henry@reddit
My dad always asked:
How deep is the ocean: true or false?
What color is the old gray mare?
Who's buried in Grant's tomb?
Do you walk to school or carry your lunch?
EruditeLegume@reddit
How deep would the ocean be if sponges didn't live in it?
False_Respect_869@reddit
Do you live in town or ride a bicycle?
Do you think the rain will hurt the rhubarb?
I think our dads knew each other.
jfincher42@reddit
Hey, do you live around here often?
Theodoxus@reddit
[before noon] "I'm in morning"
Cleopatra_bones@reddit
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Let's go ride bikes!
centstwo@reddit
Knock knock
Who's there?
Kid with ADHD
Kid with -
Wanna go for a bike ride?
EruditeLegume@reddit
Squirrel!
PromiscuousScoliosis@reddit
That’s not nonsense it’s just cringe
Coubsauce@reddit
I have adhd and I laughed.
nigelthewarpig@reddit
Same with... hey, look, a frog!
WyvernSlayer73@reddit
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish
EruditeLegume@reddit
NoAccountDrifter@reddit
Why can't you hear a dog whistle?
They aren't good at it.
Theodoxus@reddit
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom Because the “P” is silent.
EruditeLegume@reddit
Because they're dead.
rolyh@reddit
Like in swimsuit
Yugan-Dali@reddit
My favorite
WildBad7298@reddit
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
bornfromanegg@reddit
What’s brown and taps on windows?
A poo on a stick.
EruditeLegume@reddit
What's red and sticky?
A red stick.
GetYourLockOut@reddit
What’s brown, steaming and comes out of Cowes? The Isle of Wight ferry.
MoggFanatic@reddit
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre
GNU_STP@reddit
What's brown, red and sticky?
The same bloody stick
Shagzter@reddit
What do you find at one end of a stick?
The other end.
devil_d0c@reddit
This one's my favorite
crumblingruin@reddit
What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes.
Theodoxus@reddit
What’s green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree A pool table.
EruditeLegume@reddit
What yellow and really hurts if you get it in your eyes?
A bulldozer.
phatbatt@reddit
This is my favorite.
1LuckyTexan@reddit
If you mash cucumbers and tomatoes together, freeze overnight, in the morning they taste nothing like strawberries.
Moldy_slug@reddit
If you took all the feathers off an emperor penguin and laid them end to end, the penguin would be cold.
EruditeLegume@reddit
If you laid all the women in the US end to end
...I wouldn't be surprised.
Theodoxus@reddit
If you stacked all the elephants in the world on top of each other, the one on the bottom would be very upset.
thebyron@reddit
If you took all of your arteries and veins and blood vessels and laid them end-to-end, you would die.
ExpectedFuckingValue@reddit
100% of people that drink water die
TurbulentWeb1941@reddit
He may forgive them for doing it but he'll never forget.
Stock-Access3042@reddit
Lmao almost spit out my drink
centstwo@reddit
When is a boy not a boy?
When he walks down the street and turns into a store.
(Took me many years to figure that one out. How does a boy turn into a store. What made the boy turn into a store? What kind of store did the boy turn into? Where does the eater find one horned, one armed flying purple people to eat?)
DeeSnarl@reddit
Likewise, when is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
centstwo@reddit
See that makes sense though. The door is ajar is a pun on the term for two distinct things that sound the same: a door being open and a glass container.
A boy turning into a store is not a pun. A store in no way is a young male.
AndThatIsMyExcuseForNotGettingItForALongTimeTheEnd
nickfree@reddit
It’s not a pun but it’s still word play. One is recognizing that that sound “ah jahr” can be 2 different word forms “ajar” or “a jar.” The other is recognizing that “turning into” has 2 meanings: “to transform” and “to change direction and enter”
DeeSnarl@reddit
I mean you’re right that it’s a different kind of pun but I don’t know what to tell ya.
Yugan-Dali@reddit
(Sure looks strange to me!)
Far-Queue17@reddit
What’s green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?
A pool table
a1pha@reddit
Where does an elephant hide in the forest?
At the top of an apple tree
Why are elephants so good at hiding in apple trees?
They paint their balls red
What is the loudest sound in the forest?
A Giraffe eating an apple.
InDogBeersIveHadTwo@reddit
Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stomp our forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stomp our flaming ducks.
DrLycFerno@reddit
In French we have :
keysmag@reddit
Why did I read this in a French accent?
DrLycFerno@reddit
Which "French accent" ? The cliché hon hon English one, or the real "English spoken by a francophone" accent ?
nickfree@reddit
Yup. Just kidding! Oui.
Jonaskin83@reddit
It’s extremely, extremely easy to read it as pee-zhohn.
CasUalNtT@reddit
What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.
scr1bbl3@reddit
Two hippos are stood in the middle of a dessert
Suddenly there’s an earthquake and the ground starts to crack between them
Then the crack gets wider and wider, slowly separating the two hippos until there’s a massive chasm between them
One of the hippos shout “Hey, Harry!”
The other shouts back “what?”
“I could have sworn it was Tuesday!”
rogfrich@reddit
If you laid out all the Redditors in the world end-to end-in a line, they wouldn’t reach an agreement.
KeithMyArthe@reddit
What's blue and white and stands in the corner?
A fridge in a denim jacket.
nanomeister@reddit
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
Alive_Ice7937@reddit
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick
WildBad7298@reddit
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
theavocadolady@reddit
What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones
No-Fun6261@reddit
What smells bad and rings like a bell?
Dung
No-Fun6261@reddit
What smells bad and rings like a bell?
Dung
drethnudrib@reddit
Okay, that one made me guffaw. Quality dad joke.
judyleet@reddit
What's made up of a Mil, a Wau, a Key, and a little cement?
Milwaukee, but what's the cement for?
I just threw that in to make it a little harder.
[Anyone remember The Gong Show and the Unknown Comic?]
OkDirector9518@reddit
The Unknown Comic -- Murray Langston I loved that show lol
authorinthesunset@reddit
I need the duck hole explained
Gil-Gandel@reddit
What's big, pink and hard? A pig with a flick knife.
summit-or-nuffin@reddit
What do you call a dear with no eyes - no idea What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs - still no idea What do call a dear with no eyes, no legs and having sex - still no fucking idea
ExpectedFuckingValue@reddit
If you're in a room and you're cold, where is the best place to stand?
In the corner, because it's always 90 degrees there
Roobix9@reddit
We taught my daughter the Knock Knock joke with "boo who? don't cry" when she was about 3. But it was the only one she knew so she would tell every Knock Knock joke like this:
Her: Knock knock
Anyone: who's there?
Her: don't cry!
Tctrojan1@reddit
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
Roobix9@reddit
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first monkey
fuck_you_thats_who@reddit
What's the difference between a orange?
Helicopters have doors but motorbikes don't.
Consistent_Brief7765@reddit
I heard it as…
Why is an orange?
Because motorcycles don’t have doors.
thenasch@reddit
Ask me if I'm a truck.
One_Economist_3761@reddit
Are you a truck?
thenasch@reddit
No.
joeinsyracuse@reddit
When I was a kid we’d say, “Count to a hundred and ask me if I’m Peter Pan.”
zombiegojaejin@reddit
How did my childhood miss this?!?
HammerOfJustice@reddit
Your delivery of this joke is so good you could be a truck.
Malalang@reddit
I love how the answer has more upvotes than the start of the joke.
You guys are awesome.
SirBananaOrngeCumber@reddit
Don’t know why but I’m laughing out loud at this 😂😂
thenasch@reddit
That's what I was going for!
TimChiesa@reddit
When life gives you melons, dyslexia is a serious condition.
Why would Ray Charles be a terrible bus driver ? Because he's dead.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb in my basement ? More than 6 apparently.
JoustingNaked@reddit
Love this request OP! Got an odd one for ya…
Why is a mouse when it spins?
(That’s it - there is no answer)
Monkfich@reddit
What’s white and falls out of trees?
Fridges
What’s brown and falls out of trees?
Pianos
I’ve got my 6 year old daughter coming up with all manner of nonsense after I told her those a few weeks ago.
Pirat@reddit
I've never seen an elephant hiding in a tree in Montana. This isn't because elephants are so good at hiding in trees. It's because Wilbur got tired of the elephants eating all the grass his cows were supposed to eat so came up with the best elephant repellent.
It also might be that I've passed through Montana and didn't get much time to look up in any trees.
Yugan-Dali@reddit
There aren’t any trees in Montana, anyway.
When I was a little boy in Illinois, there was a man who walked to the park every day and rang a bell three times east, west, south, and north. Every day.
My father asked him why he did that. The man said, To keep tigers away. Dad said, There aren’t any tigers in Illinois. The man said, See? It works.
BaronVonBooplesnoot@reddit
You know what smells bad but sounds like a bell?
DUNG!
OfFiveNine@reddit
Steven Wright:
i went on holiday and when i came back someone had replaced everything in my apartment with an exact replica. I said to my room mate: "what the hell happened here?". He just looked at me and said "who are you?"
i-eat-coochie@reddit
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a basin Have you ever tried washing your hands in a buffalo
BlackPanther3104@reddit
A ball rolls around the corner and falls over.
porpsi@reddit
What's red and invisible?
No tomatoes
Nordicmoose@reddit
Why did the kid fall off the swing? Because he had no arms.
Why did the kid fall off his bike? Someone threw a fridge at him.
i-eat-coochie@reddit
Why do squirrels swim on their backs To keep their nuts dry
bahgheera@reddit
The town I grew up in was so small that the high school yearbook was shaped like a canoe!
Kahlandad@reddit
What’s the difference between orange? Telephone poles, because motorcycles don’t have doors
How many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse? Fourteen because footballs don’t have feathers.
WildBad7298@reddit
What's blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
Malalang@reddit
What happens when you toss a red ball into blue water?
It gets wet.
(I suppose this works with the Red Sea, too, but whatever.)
Theodoxus@reddit
What’s green and has wheels Grass. I lied about the wheels.
rubseb@reddit
What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
PabloFive@reddit
Q: If it fall out of a tree and lands on you, you are dead? What is it?
A: A piano
Historical_Monk_6118@reddit
What's blue and white and can't climb trees?
A fridge with a denim jacket on
spaceman_slim@reddit
How Long is a Chinese name
Shagzter@reddit
Why do elephants wear ripple soled shoes?
To give the ants a 50/50 chance.
Shagzter@reddit
Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupti-
MOO!
FuzzyMatterhorN@reddit
I spotted an albino dalmatian last week.
It was the least I could do.
centstwo@reddit
Gray spots, I hope?
Shagzter@reddit
What did one farmer say to the other?
'How's your farm?'
Unhappy-Response-742@reddit
What’s green and rides across the desert?
Lawerence of asparagus.
TriTri14@reddit
A man comes home from work and says, “Honey, I’m home.”
His wife yells, “SO AM I!”
GodlessHippie@reddit
Do you know why one side is always longer when birds fly in a V?
Because there are more birds on that side
xflibble@reddit
/r/antijokes
microwavequesadilla@reddit
What do a duck and a grape have in common? They’re both purple, except for the duck.
MackTheFife@reddit
They're the same color, except for the duck.
FancyPants882@reddit
What hangs from a tree and quacks?
Me pretending to be a monkey duck.
(My 5 year old made this one up yesterday).
Stringy63@reddit
How many dogs are there? None said the dyslexic atheist
hello_raleigh-durham@reddit
There was the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who was up all night wondering if there really was a dog.
andypro77@reddit
Here are a few:
Q: What's the difference between a rhinoceros and a roll of toilet paper?
A: Well, if you don't know, then I sure as hell ain't letting you use my bathroom
Q: If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?
A: Neptune. Because, you know, who's gonna mess with Neptune?
If you ever find yourself falling from the top of a tall building, go limp and act like a dummy. Because then someone will catch you because, "Hey, free dummy!"
(that last one was stolen from Jack Handy)
Theodoxus@reddit
Q: What’s the difference between a muffin and a hand grenade A: Remind me never to let you bake again
pallarslol@reddit
What's grey and likes to sit in trees?
A canaryphant
you-are-not-yourself@reddit
What would happen if you squeeze a volcano like a zit?
I dunno, it’s never been done.
Forsaken_Ad8252@reddit
One day, a hedgehog learned to breathe through his butt. He sat on a stump and suffocated.
CandidNeighborhood63@reddit
What's green and not very heavy?
Light green
centstwo@reddit
Blue but not as heavy!
Mysterious_Waltz_309@reddit
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
What's green, has eight legs, and would kill you if it fell on you from a tree?
A pool table.
Bladrak01@reddit
I used to call them surrealist jokes.
What's the difference between a duck? A motorcycle only has one carburetor.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Purple giraffe.
I had a whole book full of just elephant jokes.
centstwo@reddit
What goes pocketa-pocketa-pocketa?
An outboard radish
What goes pocketa-blam-pocketa-blam-pocketa-blam-blam
An outboard radish that needs a tune up.
jfincher42@reddit
Two muffins were sitting together in the oven.
One says, "Boy, it sure is hot in here!"
The second says, "Ahhh! A talking muffin!"
thorazine_shuffler@reddit
A man was out washing the car with his son. The son looked up and said, “Dad, could we use a sponge next time?”
Agreeable_48@reddit
A variation on elephants in trees:
Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in cherry trees.
Have you ever seen one?
See, it works.
Patient-Stock8780@reddit
What's the difference between an orange? It's a horse, because a vest doesn't have sleeves.
robdalky@reddit
How is a watermelon the same as a motorcycle?
They both have handlebars except the watermelon.
TowelFine6933@reddit
Why do cows eat grass?
Because they're tails are too long.
(⬆️Actual joke I made up at age 6 when I thought I understood humor.)
jarheadatheart@reddit
This made me chuckle.
cruiserman_80@reddit
Whybdonducks have flat feet? To put out bush fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? To put out burning ducks.
phatbatt@reddit
What’s brown and shins like a bell?
Dung
Haunting-Occasion-88@reddit
Sally doesnt have any arms.
Knock Knock...
...whos there?
Not Sally.
expandandincludeit@reddit
What's the difference between a duck? A jacknife because a vest doesn't have sleeves.
002dollar@reddit
Why did the kid fall off his bike?
Someone threw a fridge at him 😀