The Miser
Posted by dcmfox@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 18 comments
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked it and took the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?" “I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."
Amerisu@reddit
The old Manhattan heard this story, and got concerned that Heaven might not cash his check. He thought about bitcoin, stocks, etc, but wasn't really confident they'd retain value in heaven. Of course, land and buildings are right out.
Finally, he decides to invest in gold bullion, and manages to actually take it across the veil. At the pearly gates, St Peter greets him happily.
"Finally! We've been needing those potholes filled for centuries!"
IrishFlukey@reddit
All those holes finally explains "Pennies from Heaven".
Optimal_Law_4254@reddit
Or he doesn’t trust her about the 200M in bitcoin so he has her promise to bury his thumb drive of precious pictures of her along with the money. He never tells her about the wallet…
apartment1i@reddit
This is a good one. I always end it with "I see you brought some cobblestones with you.."
Amerisu@reddit
Way I heard it was "you brought pavement to heaven?"
But I thought the twist would say more by saying less.
Apprehensive_lad1960@reddit
Another one that just can't quite make the cut 😕 😆
vonnostrum2022@reddit
Similar joke with a priest doctor and lawyer. The priest and the doctor only put half the money in the casket. The lawyer is indignant at them, having put a check in for the full amount.
Optimal_Law_4254@reddit
This was how I heard it.
we_toucans_share@reddit
he took the cash that the others had put in and added the value to his check
big_sugi@reddit
If the deceased has any problems with that, he’s free to object.
Woodios@reddit
Ah ha! A twist on old 159!
Richard-N-Yuleverby@reddit
You told it all wrong
uslackr@reddit
The most repeated joke in this sub is “the old number xx”.
Waitsfornoone@reddit
It's not "the best jokes are in the comments?"
jarheadatheart@reddit
I can’t stand this one. Especially when it’s to a dumb comment that isn’t even funny. I almost always downvote it.
whatisausername32@reddit
The best jokes are in the comments
uslackr@reddit
Not this one.
Competitive_Oil_1795@reddit
And the next day the money disappears from the account.