A guy crashes his car. When the police show up, he claims the woman he hit was at fault.
Posted by Jokeminder42@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 61 comments
"She was on her phone!" he yells. "And to make matters worse, she was drinking a glass of wine at the time. Can you believe it?"
And the cop says, "Sir... she can do whatever she wants in her own living room."
Protologism1000@reddit
On Friday January 9, 1925 A drunk driver crashed into a woman's kitchen, got out and casually asked the woman of the house for a cup of coffee.
It isn't funny but drunk driver was Ebby Thacher who newly sober nearly 10 years later would meet with another drunk, Bill Wilson, and set in motion the chain of events that led to the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
Is that a true story?
Protologism1000@reddit
Definitely. https://groups.io/g/AAHistoryLovers/topic/ebby_s_packard_crash/80520453
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
Very interesting story. The only bit that doesn't ring true, and I speak from experience, having been married to a drunk:
If a heavily intoxicated man had crashed into a house, the chances of him asking the owner for a cup of coffee is remote. I'd hazard a guess he asked for a stiff drink.
Protologism1000@reddit
You could be right. The reporter may have enhanced the story for entertainment purposes but they also might have spotted a funny detail in a police report and included it. I have known many alcoholics and they do all sorts of unexpected things while drinking.
thehudagai@reddit
My 80yo mother hit the neighbor’s house with her car and tried to blame the house.
LJWIII@reddit
Superstar!
Abject-Friendship712@reddit
And she wasn't wearing her seat belt!
joelcrb@reddit
The nerve of some people!
dennyitlo@reddit
I understand the cops charged him with breaking and entering.
bylchs@reddit
Or braking and entering
ukchinouk@reddit
Not braking and entering
Malnurtured_Snay@reddit
Well you're partially correct. He didn't brake, but he absolutely entered.
joelcrb@reddit
That's what she said.
UpsetAd5574@reddit
Hit and parking
Stekor-Tidder@reddit
In his defence he did say he mistook it for a drive-through.
graboidian@reddit
"Sir, you can't park here"
Druidicflow@reddit
This is a Wendy’s
Nearby-Yak-4496@reddit
It doesn't matter what her name is, you still can't park here...
dreamingitself@reddit
Leslie Nielsen is that you?
ketchuptheclown@reddit
No, it's Shirley, and stop calling me Leslie Nielsen.
ketchuptheclown@reddit
Hit and running his mouth
Polymox@reddit
Entering without braking.
Unique_Anywhere5735@reddit
And having an open container of wine in his car.
StarFaerie@reddit
Tell me he's black without telling me he's black.
Slight_Advertising_9@reddit
Tell me you're a dick without telling me you're a dick
BAKjustAthought@reddit
For real
Few-Wrap-443@reddit
And then shot the woman 6 times
Mysterious-Path-2128@reddit
At least she wasn’t speeding.
ketchuptheclown@reddit
Maybe she was speed reading?
SilentEngineering975@reddit
Maybe she was. Maybe the wine wasn't enough ny itself.
MrNormalo@reddit
"'I promise the FBI will investigate you and everyone you care about!" replies Director Patel.
kerenosabe@reddit
The real question is why was she driving a car in her living room?
tommy0guns@reddit
Why is her living room in her car?
SilentEngineering975@reddit
Rv.
just-4-lafs@reddit
He’s a party crasher!!
SilentEngineering975@reddit
When he saw those flashing red lights and heard the sirens blaring he became a party pooper.
Electrical_Tomato_73@reddit
House MD at the end of season 7
SilentEngineering975@reddit
He was just making a house call.
No-Setting-2128@reddit
Ah.
Magopolis@reddit
I have theory that House was basically Star Trek in a hospital. They coulda called it “Bones”.
Electrical_Tomato_73@reddit
Hm... maybe. The connections with Sherlock Holmes are acknowledged (Holmes→House, Watson →Wilson, house number 221B...)
Magopolis@reddit
Think about it. Half the episodes of Trek are “oh no. The crew has come down with some alien diseases we have to cure with one doctor in the middle of outer space. 27 minutes lay-tare: done. That’s basically every episode of House I’ve seen. Also Bones and House are both flawed grouchy men.
SteadyHandedMan@reddit
Best show ever!
Ok-disaster2022@reddit
Honestly I think House was the last show I finished watching where the protagonist was a self destructive asshole. ever other show where I noticed the pattern evolving I just stopped.
Electrical_Tomato_73@reddit
The show was great, I hated that episode (and also hated most of season 8).
Cruzifixio@reddit
Yeah, was gonna say it's the worst episode of the series.
Even worse than the 13 year old model.
Snoo_76684@reddit
Back when pay phones where coman this joke was different and had beer in it.
Rising_Star786@reddit
He wanted to join for an appetizer. The wine must have been an old one just like the guy
RansomStark78@reddit
Put a cork in it.
RansomStark78@reddit
Almost dying room
He was driving a Boo got tea
lime1221@reddit
I know this is a joke, but I work in auto claims and can can see someone saying this. No one ever thinks they are at fault for an accident
liftguy111@reddit
This lawyer and a doctor have an accident. The lawyer offers the doctor a bottle of whiskey and says “for your nerves?” The doctor takes a long drink and says “that hits the spot” and hands the bottle back to the lawyer. The lawyer puts the stopper back in the bottle and puts the bottle in his trunk. The doctor asks “aren’t you going to have a drink?” The lawyer replies “after the police show up!”
Sea_Association2170@reddit
Diltoe
DennisWan@reddit
Oh, yes. The 'ole blonde joke adapted. OP, you're a woman, right?
Jokeminder42@reddit (OP)
Nope. A woman told me this joke, so fair is fair. (Maybe I should have had him driving a truck?)
wvmusicmaster@reddit
Cyber truck!
CartographerJust3259@reddit
Funny. I spit up my drink a little bit!
EmergencyArtichoke87@reddit
Super funny. Thanks for the laugh, OP.
n510rf@reddit
S is see YOU 00
ProfessionalTwo5476@reddit
"...and he was texting!". "Sir, he can do whatever he wants while sitting on his toilet"