In Greece there is a huge collection of “naïve people on their wedding night” jokes. Two of my favorites:

A girl is about to get married but she’s terrified of the wedding night because she has no clue what she’s supposed to do. So she begs her mother too educate her.

“Sit down Marigoula,” says mom, “I’ll teach you everything. He will do this, you will do that, he will say this, you say that, you do this, he will do that…” Marigoula memorizes it all Enfield pretty confident.

The wedding day arrives. They get married, and that evening, things are progressing. After about five minutes, Marigoula asks, “Darling…is it in?”

The groom is incensed and says, “what do you mean, ‘is it in?!’ of course it’s in, it’s been in for a few minutes now!”

“Oh!” replies Marigoula. “It hurts!”

—-

In another village, Kalliopi has the same problem. She goes to her mother and bakes her to tell her what to do.

Mother says, “Kalliopi, don’t worry! The sex…it’s easy. You do this, you do that, it’s all fun, it’s pretty nice. BUT! If he ever tells you to roll over, you tell him no!

Kalliopi asks “why not…”

“Aaaaa pa pa pa!” her mother cuts her off. “Don’t even ask me! You just promise me you will say no!”

Fear of God safely instilled, Kalliopi gets married. Their sex life is pretty good, they do this, they do that, it’s all pretty nice. Then one night, in the throes of lovemaking, her husband whispers into her ear: “Kalliopi…roll over…”

“NOOOOO!” cried Kalliopi. “What’s wrong? asks the husband. Trembling, Kalliopi tells him, “my mother made me swear to her that if you ask me that, I would say no!”

“But Kalliopi,” says the husband, “I thought you _wanted_ to have children!”