A man is banging a married woman when suddenly they hear the front door slam. "It's my husband, hide in the bathroom!" says the woman frantically.

Posted by Jokeminder42@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 101 comments

The man runs into the bathroom just as the husband enters the bedroom. "Honey, why are you naked?" he asks.

"I was waiting for you, dear," she says.

The husband walks into the bathroom and sees a naked man standing there, poking the ceiling with the toilet plunger. "Who the hell are you?" the husband yells.

"The moth exterminator," says the naked man.

"Why the hell are you naked?" shouts the husband.

The naked man looks down, jumps back in shock, and yells, "Those sneaky little bastards!"

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metalreflectslime@reddit

I do not get this.

Can someone explain?

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Moths eat wool and in the past it was common to have wool clothing. In drafty and damp houses that were also common in the past, you could walk into a closet to find wool clothes on hangers completely disintegrated into dust. It was also common to store moth balls in a closet to protect against moths. These moth balls aren’t reproductive organs of male moths on display to scare them off, but balls made of moth pesticide that slowly gas off and fill a closet with fumes that are toxic for moths (and humans too).

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twa2w@reddit

Paradiclorobenzene if my memory serves from high school chemistry.

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melody1948@reddit

Yes! Well done! I 100%. remember that word for it from my school years many, many moons ago!

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dachjaw@reddit

Every time I smell a mothball I’m immediately transported to my grandmother’s house.

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PrincessKaylee@reddit

Do you have a fast way back as well?

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Technical-Ebb-6033@reddit

The best way to smell moth balls is to pull their wings apart

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Swimming_Bowler6193@reddit

And just about every person over 80 smells like moth balls.

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canonetell66@reddit

Also: Have you ever melted moth balls? If so, how did you get those tiny legs apart?

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mruncreativ3@reddit

Moths eat fabric.

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Upbeat_Tone2013@reddit

Never explain a joke.

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321Couple2023@reddit

It's true that if you have to explain it, the joke stops being funny.

But if you refuse to explain it, you're just a dick.

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sygnathid@reddit

I've never seen a joke that was actually funny that stopped being funny after being explained.

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flannel_jesus@reddit

I don't even think it's true that it stops being funny

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flannel_jesus@reddit

Nah it's good

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obxgaga@reddit

…..but every single joke in this sub, no matter how simple, has a poster asking for explanation.

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Unhappy-Quiet-8091@reddit

…why?

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ErraticDragon@reddit

Moths eat clothes.

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newbie527@reddit

Confucius says,”he who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”

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onefst250r@reddit

Confucius say: "Man who stand on toilet, is high on pot."

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mruncreativ3@reddit

Man who walks sideways through turnstile is going to Bangkok.

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JuliusTheTailor@reddit

Confucius say woman who fly upside down in airplane have crackup. —a woman

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LanceFree@reddit

Confucius say: If feet smell and nose run - - you are built upside-down.

(And grew up in the 70s and there was a very popular television show when I first heard these jokes. So for too long, I thought it was “Kung-Fu should say”.

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Wraithvenge@reddit

Confucius say, man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

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whatdafaq@reddit

Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in his own pew.

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obxgaga@reddit

RiP David Carradine.

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JuliusTheTailor@reddit

Took me a second 😂

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monaromarc@reddit

Confucius say man who go to bed with itchy asshole wake up with smelly finger

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Joeyrub1@reddit

I was hoping it's something funnier that I'm just not getting, but I guess this is all it really is? I don't think that is funny at all

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Valuable-Paramedic93@reddit

Conficsus say Man with premature baby, name him Sudden Lee

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Commercial_War_8660@reddit

Not Earl Lee?

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Srikandi715@reddit

Moths eat WOOL or other animal fibers, not clothes in general... So to make this work he'd have to have been wearing wool undies 😛

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D0lli23@reddit

Moth eat through clothing. It implies that they ate everything while he was trying to exterminate them. This could never happen IRL, as they a) Don't have such an appetite b)Don't eat everything.

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PM_ME_YOUR_YURT@reddit

And C. It's the larvae that eat clothes.

At least that's what I remember reading a while back.

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Ok_Grape8420@reddit

The moths ate his clothing. This used to be a problem when clothes were made of wool and cotton instead of polyester.

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glitchwabble@reddit

They'll eat polyester too.

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Wezbob@reddit

Moths eat fabric.

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Lama0099@reddit

Lucky she

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Waitsfornoone@reddit

Cletus: Have you ever smelt moth balls?

Bubba: Yes.

Cletus: It's hard to get their little legs apart, isn't?

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Gunthalas@reddit

This is the reason for the upvotes...

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Jhoosier@reddit

One of my favorite lines is the "mail plane" bit from The Three Amigos.

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sukarsono@reddit

This classic one lands best in your own voice, “I know it’s weird but I really like the smell of moth balls. Just so damn hard to get those tiny legs apart!”

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Phormitago@reddit

I'm so uspet that this doesn't translate well to my native language

it'd be an incredible followup to Norm McDonald's moth joke

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Delicious-Day2554@reddit

Norm's moth joke is an all-time classic. I tell it as often as I can.

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Noninsomni@reddit

Can you share?

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DJclimatechange@reddit

Moth joke

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judyleet@reddit

I've watched that SO many times...fun every time 😆🙃🩵

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mjdny@reddit

I love Norm and this was a new one for me, thanks!

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Calliope_Sky@reddit

Never saw that before. Hung on to the very end and it was totally worth it. 🤣🤣

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Vindicted1501@reddit

"Innit" sounds more redneck?

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big_sugi@reddit

“Innit” sounds British. “Ain’t it” is redneck.

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shinobiken@reddit

It’s weird to talk about, but in Oklahoma (and I assume we’re not alone), we say something like “idn’it”.

I’ve never seen it written down, but that’s my first approximation of it.

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EnvironmentalGift257@reddit

“D’ja eat yet?”

“Naw. Y’ownt to?”

“A’ight”

A conversation every Oklahoman has had.

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Puterjoe@reddit

D’jeet? Wad’jeet?

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ReallyNotALlama@reddit

S'kweet. Or maybe s'gweet.

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GargleOnDeez@reddit

Sgoden

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drunksitter@reddit

Fellow Oklahoma. Can confirm.

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Icooktoo@reddit

Yes, it absolutely is. Every time my extremely southern red neck husband says we “ain’t got none” I have to say “don’t have any”, quietly, to soothe my brain so I can move on.

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Vindicted1501@reddit

ya I meant this

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Dzyu@reddit

What about "isn't" instead of "ain't it"?

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siejai@reddit

Nah that's British, you need,"ain't"

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NoPoopOnFace@reddit

Sounds shouth London-ish

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jetdr77@reddit

How do I give this a ⭐⭐⭐⭐

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ScrofessorLongHair@reddit

*innit

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Minimum_Viable_Furry@reddit

Thanks, it’s been a while since I snort laughed.

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klinkscousin@reddit

If i could give you 5 stars on this one I would. Thank you for the laugh.

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bshensky@reddit

I wrote this derivative...

Cletus: (at the order counter) Do you have chicken fingers?

Bubba: Yes.

Cletus: How do you get their little nails off?

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looloose@reddit

A drunk walks up to a cop and says Hey Officer, somebody stole my car. Cop asks where he last saw it and the drunk says, right on the end of this key. Cop says let's go to the station to report it but first you better zip up your fly. Drunk says, Oh man they got my girl too!

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Lonely-Union6540@reddit

I heard that one first from Townes Van Zandt (he credited Jerry Jeff Walker)

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pizzacatstattoos@reddit

Waiting 'round to die.

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georgejonestown@reddit

“Is that the sun or the moon in the sky right now?” “Sorry, I don’t live around here”

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looloose@reddit

Me too, Live at the Old Quarter is one of my favorite all-time albums.

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27onfire@reddit

WHAT

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smickeypuccy@reddit

After he called himself a moth exterminator my mind went to “what’re you doing here?” “The light was on”

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AggravatingSpeaker52@reddit

It's stupid and I giggled like a dummy. Thank you.

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Vajernicus@reddit

Reminds me of that song "Don't go for the one"

Sparknotes below

Wife's sister is coming over for tea. She's got a French husband so wife sends me out to get snails to impress him. I go in for a pint and see an old mate. One pint becomes 7 and suddenly I'm 3 hours late for tea. I run home, fly through the gate and trip up the stairs, sending snails everywhere in a clamor. Wife comes out screaming about "your drunk and 3 hours late for tea! Wtf!" I look at her, look at the snails and go...

"Five more feet lads! We're nearly there!"

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judyleet@reddit

That's actually funny 😁

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Valuable-Paramedic93@reddit

Confucius say Man to takes photographs named Phil Ming

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JohnnyBoyJr@reddit

Confucious say:

He who run in front of car get tired.

He who run behind car get exhausted.

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frejas-rain@reddit

Confucius say:

Man who screw maid in pantry get ass in jam.

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Zealousideal-Salt337@reddit

Confucius say, "Virgin like balloon, one prick, all gone." "Boy who go to bed with sex problem on mind, wake up with solution on hand."

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Prestigious_Debt2904@reddit

wut?

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kinggot@reddit

“Why are you hard?” the husband shouted

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Jokeminder42@reddit (OP)

So a guy is really attracted to his neighbor's wife, and believes she likes him as well. Unfortunately, the husband is big, and a real asshole to boot.

One day the husband says to the guy, "My pain-in-the-ass wife is bugging me to paint our apartment, but I don't have time. I got an estimate from a professional painter, but it was way too expensive."

The guy says, "Hey, I have an idea. I'm on vacation and I love painting! You buy the paint, and I'd be happy to paint your place."

Thrilled, the husband accepts.

The guy shows up to paint, and within a half-hour he's banging the wife.

Unfortunately, after just a few minutes they hear the husband opening the front door.

The guy leaps out of bed and quickly starts painting. The husband comes in and finds the guy completely naked, painting a wall.

The husband yells, "What the hell is this? ... You started painting in my goddamn bedroom?"

The guy says, "Hey, I'm painting for free. This is where I'd prefer to start."

The husband says, "Yeah? Then why the hell are you naked?"

The guy says, "I always paint naked. I don't want to ruin my clothes."

The husband says, "Oh yeah? Then why do you have a hard-on, you son of a bitch?"

And the guy says, "Where do you expect me to hang the goddamn bucket?"

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Jokeminder42@reddit (OP)

And the guy says, "Where do you expect me to hang the goddamn bucket?"

(I can post the entire joke if you never heard it. It's not bad.)

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kinggot@reddit

Sure please

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JokeExplainBot@reddit

The nude human male is claiming the moths ate his **clothes.

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PedroFPardo@reddit

This is where I thought this was going.

A man is banging a married woman when suddenly they hear the front door slam. "It's my husband, hide in the bathroom!" says the woman frantically.

The man runs into the bathroom just as the other guy enters the bedroom. "I see you are ready for me" he says.

The first man hidden in the bathroom has time to calm down and think for a second. "Wait a moment, I'm her husband!"

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Valuable-Paramedic93@reddit

"Quick it's my Husband, hide in the closet !" After a rushed exit .... WAITAMINUTE, I'm your husband!

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Jokeminder42@reddit (OP)

Great joke. Thanks.

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Catbutt247365@reddit

Adjacent story, I worked in local TV and news anchors kept mirrors, combs, makeup etc. under the desk for last minute fixes.

Right before air one night, one anchor asks the other “do you have cotton balls?” And he replied “do I look like a teddy bear?”

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Jokeminder42@reddit (OP)

Excellent! Once in a lifetime chance, and absolutely nailed it.

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