A guy goes into a bar; there's a robot bartender.
Posted by Spadizzly@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 134 comments
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "160."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious.
So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Reality TV, and Ford F650 trucks.
The guy leaves but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says,
!"Isn’t it great the way gas is getting cheaper every day?"!<
SenorDipstick@reddit
Not that funny.
Willie_Johnson_Jr@reddit
This joke, but in heaven with Einstein, and the punchline is, "What kind of drums do you play."
Ttthhasdf@reddit
The punch line is "Roll Tide!"
Tigweg@reddit
Ouch! I'm a Brit who doesn't follow any American sports. But I have a friend who went to (U?) Alabama (U?) He says this, and his little mascot is on hundreds of pictures from all around the world
nom_of_your_business@reddit
Next time you guys are talking bollocks... say to him I heard roll tide is what you say to your cousin out back of the wood shed.
VolFan85@reddit
Or —- the reason their motto is “roll tide” is because they can’t spell “elephant”.
Pfyxoeous@reddit
It's really the pluralization that's hard.
Elephant's?
VolFan85@reddit
Oliphant.
coffeewhistle@reddit
If you REALLY want to piss them off you respond with: WAR EAGLE!
lacisghost@reddit
Amen on this one bro!
hidock42@reddit
Bistro Huddy!
Tigweg@reddit
I don't think pissing this guy off would be the smartest move. He didn't play football because he's too smart, though he looks like he should have done, he's very large. Then he was in the marines. I Think I'd rather keep him on my side
Capitan_Scythe@reddit
Ah, then you'll be fine so long as you keep a box of crayons on hand as a distraction
Tigweg@reddit
Sorry, don't get this, can you explain it to me please
Demoniac_smile@reddit
There’s a common joke that marines eat crayons, as a comment on their intellect.
Tigweg@reddit
Thanks
SpendHefty6066@reddit
the red ones taste the best.
Particular-Bath9646@reddit
But the orange ones are higher in beta carotene, and the blue ones have antioxidants. You really need the full spectrum for a balanced diet.
SpendHefty6066@reddit
Yes. and the green ones give you ruffage.
Magopolis@reddit
With the green ones? I hit the ball DOWN TOWN!!
sevenonsiz@reddit
The marines probably study the properties of the crayons. Energy per gram, tensile strength, reflectivity. Then determine how it can be used for camo and active disagreement. Next they sew disinformation by consumption.
CrustySailor1964@reddit
Other US services ball-bust Marines about being so dumb that they eat crayons. I never met a Marine that actually was quite that dumb. I did work with other sailors who were close. It’s an inter-service rivalry thing that likely leaked outside the loop. Silly stuff like “Why do they put the little plastic screens in the bottoms of the urinals? So the Marines can’t sneak up and eat the mints.”
cookiecutie707@reddit
TERRY
TurbulentWeb1941@reddit
Keith Urban!
NothingTooSeriousM8@reddit
Bistro Huddy reference?
NeverBob@reddit
Around here the punchline is "Get a deer this year?"
Longjumping_Lynx_972@reddit
The joke is that hunters are dumb?
Willie_Johnson_Jr@reddit
I like this thread
Remarkable-Site-2067@reddit
"so, what gauge of strings do you use in your bass?"
Consistent_Low2080@reddit
This is the Cowboys year.
klinkscousin@reddit
We say it every year and by the third game, not pre season, we know it's gonna be another one of those years.
2BallsInTheHole@reddit
What do you call people who play with football players? Kickers.
What do you call people who play with musicians? Drummers.
Thelonious_Cube@reddit
"What kind of sticks do you use?"
DangerMacAwesome@reddit
Thank you
chikinn@reddit
Bongos
sevenonsiz@reddit
I want to know what the robot discussed at 3,000.
psychicgayrat@reddit
i don’t understand
davideogameman@reddit
Best guess, "gas" like the kind the Nazis used for their genocide
... If it's not that then I'm as lost as you.
Imjokin@reddit
I think it just means gasoline. Gasoline is extremely expensive right now and is just generally affected a lot by inflation, so only a stupid person would think gasoline gets cheaper every day.
tw042@reddit
That's it? That's not even remotely funny.
LadeeAlana@reddit
It might be political. Most people blame the increase in gas prices on the current President, who has a tendency to say the opposite of the truth, and his followers believe everything he says, despite all evidence to the contrary.
Still not very funny, though.
ardotschgi@reddit
I was thinking it's a stab at the lying president and the people who believe every word he says. It's the only way I can imagine that makes the joke funny, and I'd say it actually is, in this context.
Oy_of_Mid-world@reddit
That's how I read it. The president says gas is getting cheaper, despite obvious evidence to the contrary and his followers believe it.
I'm not sure how true this is with gas, but it certainly is for other things.
davideogameman@reddit
I guess that makes sense. Perhaps I'm too smart to even consider that could be the joke, it just seems so obviously false.
Hitoseijuro@reddit
...hold up
PrestigeMaster@reddit
r/holup
Bow_Ty@reddit
Do you not own a car?
Psychological-End-56@reddit
In other parts of the world we use petrol.
Bow_Ty@reddit
They're the same thing
leobutters@reddit
So why call it gas then?
sdarkpaladin@reddit
If I were to hazard a gas, it's because it has fewer syllables and is easier to spell.
Kinda like Autumn versus Fall.
leobutters@reddit
But gas is just short for gasoline. You can call it pet, short for petrol
Hexual_Innuendo@reddit
Maybe a USian made this particular version of the joke. They like to call it gas.
Kind_Substance_2865@reddit
Also, the US is the only country where the president has a small fanatical base who will believe him when he says the price of fuel is going down.
haroldfonda@reddit
Or benzina
misanthrope2327@reddit
I don't think that's it
Fearchar@reddit
No, gasoline (petrol).
GravityDead@reddit
Me neither.
I guess my IQ is even lower :(
extremely_jaded_nerd@reddit
the joke is dRUMP is a big fat meany
WichaelWavius@reddit
I mean you can mock the joke all you like that doesn’t mean it’s not objectively true
extremely_jaded_nerd@reddit
it being true doesn’t make it funny so it’s not really a joke. have fun buying gas today
redrabbitreader@reddit
This joke was targeted for a specific audience. You are not it.
Willie_Johnson_Jr@reddit
"Usually when I pick up a Dallas Cowboys hat, I find an asshole."
klinkscousin@reddit
And this coming from a little Richard...
How proper can you get?
Bulky-Pineapple-5639@reddit
I ask them if the star is their Yelp rating
nibblersmomfl@reddit
Love this!
jamonreal@reddit
You came in the next day with an IQ of 20
Frustrated9876@reddit
It’s ultimately a political joke because MAGA morons only know what the MAGA propaganda channels tell them, so they think gas prices are going down because propaganda said so, while they are actually skyrocketing in the real world.
gertalives@reddit
I though when the guy said his IQ was now 50, the robot would respond that maybe he didn’t need a third martini.
LaughableIKR@reddit
Where is my I did that sticker?
sophiaquestions@reddit
Now I'm curious, what if he said IQ of 20
Elses_pels@reddit
“Here is your martini mr president”
Spadizzly@reddit (OP)
Yes indeed! That was the original punchline, but the mods rejected it at first (see "Rule 9"), so I had to change it to pass muster.
Spadizzly abides.
CatCafffffe@reddit
Actually a much better joke, I salute you!
Consistent_Low2080@reddit
he doesn’t drink but here’s your cheeseburger might fit.
itsjakerobb@reddit
Diet Coke
Consistent_Low2080@reddit
So that’s how he stays so slim.
Frankandthatsit@reddit
So edgy
VexImmortalis@reddit
I don't understand why the bartender has to be a robot though?
pcbeard@reddit
The robot is customizing its banter in an IQ specific way. A human bartender wouldn’t bother. C’mon, keep up.
LumplessWaffleBatter@reddit
A human bartender would 100% bother. Haven't you heard of tipping?
pcbeard@reddit
I meant a human bartender wouldn’t ask the IQ question, but would possibly discover that patron’s capacity in other more subtle ways.
Fearchar@reddit
For one thing, a human bartender would recognize the same guy coming in three times. Also, the robot's programmed to make conversation for different intelligence levels.
Diarmundy@reddit
Because it's unlikely the bartender would be able to have a stimulating 160 IQ conversation otherwise?
drsoftware@reddit
Come on maaaan, it's gotta be a robot because AI is taking all of the jobs...
RiddSann@reddit
Just to make it more "believable" for him to ask about IQ. I'd reach very differently to a robot or a bartender asking me my IQ (not that I know, though).
PegaxS@reddit
yeh, dudes who like talking NASCAR and F650 trucks do NOT have an IQ of 100… it’s closer to room temp…
Exciting-Sunflix@reddit
The actual punchline is "welcome Mr.President", assuming the bar is in the US.
West_Inside_3112@reddit
Then martinis really do some damage..
DontMakeMeCount@reddit
That’s where I thought it was going, something along the lines of the bartender recognizing the guy and cutting him off.
WhatANoob2025@reddit
Mate, assuming that people who are into NASCAR, Reality TV, and Ford F650 trucks have an IQ of around 100 is wild.
cornbruiser@reddit
The punchline I've heard is "had any auditions lately"?
JokeExplainBot@reddit
Low intelligence humans are stereotypically perceived to blindly accept lies told by their leaders.
Stekor-Tidder@reddit
I either understand the joke but don't think it's funny or don't understand the joke. Please explain in case of the latter.
Affectionate_One_700@reddit
It is an American political joke.
If you voted with the majority in the previous US presidential elections, you might not get it.
cylonlover@reddit
Technically, in two out of the last three elections (which are the relevant ones for this joke) the majority did vote for the other guy.
LumplessWaffleBatter@reddit
No
zespak@reddit
I don't get it, since when do people with an IQ over 90 drive a pickup, are interested in Nascar and watch reality TV? Feels like these all could be combined with the bottom one.
ninjohnnothing@reddit
“Why’d the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiots house.”
“Knock knock. Whois there? The chicken you idiot.”
zair58@reddit
You wouldn't believe it but the price of petrol is getting cheaper every day... since all the panic buying ended
LumplessWaffleBatter@reddit
Unless we were magically transported to the 1930s, that's not how modern gas pricing works.
zair58@reddit
I bought petrol last month @ $2.74 per litre. On Friday it was $1.95 per litre. So haha I'm right, your wrong sticks out tongue Ner ner ni ner ner!
Swiper-73@reddit
Yep, "your" "you're" fits the bill perfectly :-)
Quality_Cabbage@reddit
The way I heard it, it was a conference for Mensa members. The members sat on various table were having highly intellectual conversations, becoming simpler as the IQ requirement of each table reduced. At the last table, labelled "IQ 80 or lower", sat two scruffy, long haired chaps, one wearing a Motorhead t-shirt, the other a Slayer T. After sitting silently for a while, one eventually asked "So, what sort of kit do you play?" Musician joke, obviously.
Swiggy1957@reddit
This is onr of those jokes that can always be adapted to the time and place because there is always a group of people that it will fit.
DaddyCatALSO@reddit
ASSUMING IT'S A TRULY WELLS TOCKED BAR , I'D LOVE TO TACH HE ROBOT HO9W TO AMEK AN iMPROVED bREEZE fROOM TH EgROVE (i'VE ONLY AHD THE bASIC TYPE.) SORRY
LadeeAlana@reddit
Could I press one for English?
Cr4nkY4nk3r@reddit
Do you smell toast?
DaddyCatALSO@reddit
nope
Cr4nkY4nk3r@reddit
Then you might wanna talk to an ENT, I think your sniffer is broken and you're missing a sign of a stroke. There's no other explanation for your earlier post unless you fed a bunch of scrabble tiles to your cats and just posted what he yakked up.
DaddyCatALSO@reddit
a couple of typos, big fat hairy deal (PS ingredients are half orange vodka, half Lillet Blanc, justa dash of Gordon 's gin or Gordon's orange Gin shaken un itl piercingly cold, served absolutley straight up, garnished wiht a twist.)
seaghost01@reddit
This was better than the joke itself
tallbartender@reddit
How many bars have you been to today?
DaddyCatALSO@reddit
none this year at all
Hot_Survey9104@reddit
The joke was intended to sports enthusiasts that don't see that the entrance tickets prize is maneuvered . Increasing entrance fees is a common, often controversial tactic. While it maximizes immediate profits or builds wealth for AdvantageMaximizing Revenue: Simply put, charging higher fees generates more profit!
seaghost01@reddit
Wtf?
Must_A_Kim@reddit
I was afraid to click on the Gas tank, but I did. You set the perfect joke with a perfect hook.
Liked it. But the truth is, I never tried a martini in my life.
Anyone else here?
puffnpasser@reddit
Gin!
BreakfastPizzaStudio@reddit
Sorry I don’t mean to offend you but your comment reads like an alien wrote it.
ehco@reddit
Are these just bots talking to each other? I have no idea what's going on
LarryTheBestest@reddit
I had a vodka martini once. It was horrible! I don't see how people drink them.
Druidicflow@reddit
Gin
puffnpasser@reddit
What the f@#$k is a F650? And f@#$fu I want one!
aha1a@reddit
Don't you mean "Short term pain, long term gain"
Jum208@reddit
Gibson for me. Can't stand olives
Secure-Ad6101@reddit
Originally the bartender said “How about them Horns?”
Or insert the Southern collegiate football team of your choice.
Old joke
GristleMcThornbody1@reddit
I always heard this end something like:
"Do you think the Steelers are gonna win the Superbowl this year?"
sim16@reddit
Comedy Gold
NedKelkyLives@reddit
This is a quality joke! Well done :-)
313078@reddit
You need to update the joke because i just filled a full tank and it definitely is the most expensive I paid in a while
Famous-Example-8332@reddit
Whoosh
alex206@reddit
Whoosh
CasUalNtT@reddit
Lol, that plane is going straight to Hormuz
mvandemar@reddit
So, 50 you say?