An Irish daughter left home for 5 years and returns
Posted by notyourregularninja@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 38 comments
When she returns, her Father curses her badly.
"Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?"
The girl, crying, replied, "Dad... I became a prostitute."
"Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."
"What was it ye said ye had become?", says Dad.
Girl, crying again, "A prostitute, Daddy!"
"Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!"
A_Would_Rows@reddit
What is version where the couple is about to marry?
1800skylab@reddit
A young lady becomes a hooker, and after her first night on the streets, the other hookers are asking her how it went...
"Well, the first guy I met was really hot! A marine with all kinds of muscles!"
"Ooh! Nice!" another girl says. "How'd it go?"
"Well I told him it was $50 for a fuck. He said he didn't have that much. So I told him it's $25 for a blowjob. He didn't have that much either. So I said it's $10 for a handjob. He agreed. So I unzipped him and pulled his dick out. Oh my God it was huge! I wrapped one hand around the base, and a second hand above that, and then I put my first hand above the second hand and there was still more dick!"
"Oh my God! What happened next?" the other girl says.
"I loaned him $40."
notyourregularninja@reddit (OP)
The gold in comments never fail in this sub!!
drethnudrib@reddit
That's a good one.
LaScoundrelle@reddit
Maybe if you’re a child who doesn’t know how sex works
Less-Permission-5800@reddit
Oh shit, I’m sorry you have a small dick, but maybe if you aren’t rude to people everything will work out for you anyway!
LaScoundrelle@reddit
Considering I’m a woman I am quite okay not having a dick of my own, thank you. I do however know what women tend to go for.
RNG_Champion@reddit
Everybody has different tastes.
It's a bit odd to complain about a joke on r/jokes of all places.
hangs2theLEFT@reddit
Her misery tracks, honestly
Stonecoloured@reddit
Not heard that one before :)
Sufficiently_Jokey@reddit
I hadn't seen that version before. I think it's usually framed as a couple about to wed, but the wayward daughter approach works well.
punkfunkymonkey@reddit
The version I know is based on a nun asking a class one by one what they want to be when they leave school
Sufficiently_Jokey@reddit
Let's hear your version.
punkfunkymonkey@reddit
Something along the lines of-
Sister Bridget is asking her pupils what they hope to be when they leave school.
When she asks Mary Kelly, she replies, "i want to be a prostitute, sister!"
'May all the saints save and preserve us... you want to be a what Mary Kelly!?'
"A prostitute, sister!"
'Oh thank the lord!' says sister Bridger, 'I thought you said protestant!'
Sufficiently_Jokey@reddit
Nice!
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
First thing tomorrow, I'm signing up for "Prostitute School", and hope to get my dickloma by the end of the month.
Wintermute3333@reddit
My version is mother superior asking the kids in a Catholic school what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Sailboat-4-Sale@reddit
Funny, I’ve never heard that one it’s always been the wayward daughter. Still good either way!
Sufficiently_Jokey@reddit
Agreed. The oldest version I have on file uses the couple about to marry and comes from Isaac Asimov's 1971 book Isaac Asimov's Treasury of Humor.
MidnightBlueSilk@reddit
Ahh, good old #34…I’ll never not read this one.
centstwo@reddit
Nice! Thank You!
MidnightBlueSilk@reddit
Uh…you’re welcome?
centstwo@reddit
One guy keeps posting, good old 69 for every old joke. They can't all be #69.
Unique_Anywhere5735@reddit
Well they can, but only two at a time.
Pablothesquirrel@reddit
Right so as is established in the comments it’s $50 per. So assuming it’s exactly 5years that’s 54.7 transactions a day just to get the 5 million savings certificate which is probably in euros. So that’s more.
celticairborne@reddit
Shannon Elizabeth just made over a million her first week on OF. Maybe the daughter switched it up and got all that in a year.
Plus there's a lot of other prices she may have. We could sit here and worry about all that or just enjoy the joke...
Strong_Engineering95@reddit
Who is Shannon Elizabeth and how did she manage that?! Is she already well known or something?
celticairborne@reddit
She was the actress who went topless in the first American Pie movie back around 2000. She's been in a few other things too, but I wouldn't say she's well known.
But she had the benefit of being able to publicise that she was doing this and a couple generations of people that did remember her went to check it out.
counterfitster@reddit
Scary Movie and American Pie
chiccharapidugu@reddit
Ah good ol' #69
Szriko@reddit
Go touch grass.
physicsMathematics@reddit
That'll be 50$
centstwo@reddit
Okay, they can't ALL be #69. FFS!
GonzoMcFonzo@reddit
Well, not with an attitude like that!
Limitedtugboat@reddit
I think I've heard this joke once a month for about 10 years and it never fails to make me smile
1vim@reddit
Dad said Protestant and nearly had a heart attack. Catholic priorities fully intact.
Viking-Mutt@reddit
Old but gold!
BuckWoody1206@reddit
😄😄😄