Didn't get that far

Posted by WolfmanSG@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 42 comments

One bright and cheery Saturday morning a man hears a knock at his front door and answers it.

The stranger says, “Hello. I’m a Jehovah’s Witness, and I am here to enlighten you with some inspirational religious stories.”

After a quick thought the homeowner says, “Well, come on in,” He takes the stranger to the living room. “Please have a seat and let me bring you a cup of coffee.”

Upon returning with a freshly brewed cup, he says to the stranger, “Now, what about these stories you have to enlighten me with?”

The Jehovah’s Witness says, “Fuck if I know. I never got this far before.”

[-]

keestie@reddit

Total pedantry, but JWs don't drink coffee or anything else with caffeine.

[-]

I looked it up and it seems that the official position is to allow members to make their own decisions, but I did know a former JW and he said it was considered sinful in his community. Must have been a more local thing for him.

[-]

Traditional-Joke-179@reddit

i was raised a jehovah's witness and it's not even vaguely against the rules to drink caffeine anywhere on earth. you can literally drink alcohol. you're thinking of mormons.

[-]

NycteaScandica@reddit

If the missionary was Mormon, inviting them in for coffee would be an insult.

[-]

New-Job1761@reddit

Not LDS but have friends and know a few. You’d be surprised how many are secret caffeine lovers. A friend used to nag me about coffee while he drank hot chocolate like it was about to be outlawed.

[-]

jedebediahpdx@reddit

A good friend in the Language Training Center (as it was called then, no idea what they call it now) was the son of an MD and said his dad said that the caffeine in hot chocolate was somehow not the same as the caffeine in coffee. OK….

[-]

bitzzwith2zs@reddit

That's why you offer them coffee.

[-]

jedebediahpdx@reddit

Speaking as a former Mormon, former missionary, that just gives them an “in” to talk about their beliefs.

[-]

Careby@reddit

We used to offer Mormon missionaries coffee, cigarettes, candy bars, etc. Just trying to be good hosts.

[-]

pcb4u2@reddit

You can also ask them if they believe in the Bible. If they say yes, ask them if it’s an advertising brochure and have you read about Hell. Maybe it’s less crowded and has more fun activities. You don’t expect Heaven to write anything positive about their competitor.

[-]

pcb4u2@reddit

Open the door and state “ A waste is a terrible thing to mind” then shut the door.

[-]

Buckabuckaw@reddit

Many years ago my wife was doing some housework and planning an article for a humor magazine about how to achieve world peace. She's a quirky gal, and she hit on the idea that world peace would happen naturally if all nations would agree that, in any war, a soldier could kill an enemy but before they could kill a second enemy, they had to eat the first one. She reasoned that this would at least slow the rate of killing.

Jehovah must have been listening, because just as she was working out the details of her plan, the doorbell rang. It was two Jehovah's Witnesses, and they asked her, "Have you thought at all about World Peace?" And she said, "Why yes, I was just thinking about that", and invited them in. They didn't stay long.

[-]

Mechasteel@reddit

Waste not, want not!

[-]

Inside_Sort_8106@reddit

I reminded them to pray for whirrled peas !

[-]

Inside_Sort_8106@reddit

I am thinking about you as i touch myself.

[-]

Ok_Title3951@reddit

My roommate tired of early Sunday morning visits,answered the door completely naked with a “WHAT! Never had another problem

[-]

Inside_Sort_8106@reddit

I thought about you when i touch myself

[-]

im2high4thisritenow@reddit

Nice. I'm laughing!

[-]

Drnstvns@reddit

Q: Why don’t Jehovah’s Witnesses celebrate Halloween? A: They don’t like strangers coming to their door, ringing the bell and bothering them

[-]

Far-Brick9576@reddit

That or the obvious Satanic origins of Halloween.

[-]

Turbulent-Note-7348@reddit

What are you on about? There’s nothing Satanic about the Druid’s Feast of the Dead/Harvest Celebration.

[-]

Top_Feedback6394@reddit

This made me laugh 😂

[-]

Adanor79@reddit

What should you say to a Jehovah's Witness when they ring the doorbell?

Hello. You've come at just the right time. We've already shaved the goat, but we haven't started the ceremony yet...

[-]

FlokiWolf@reddit

What should you say to a Jehovah's Witness when they ring the doorbell?

This

[-]

Beemerba@reddit

Reminds me of the time when I first started staying over at my GF's place. A JW and his son knocked on her door and said they were talking to the neighbors about pornography. I told him "This is my girlfriend's place and all the porn is hers, so I can't donate any to you" and closed the door.

[-]

Far-Brick9576@reddit

Sometimes it's not too far off from this in reality. Sometimes it's like asking a perfect 10 out on a date and walking away in defeat after she says, "Sure."

[-]

pete1729@reddit

I'm in The Jehova's witness protection program.

[-]

liftguy111@reddit

I’m Italian and my whole family hates Jehovah’s Witnesses. We don’t like any witnesses!

[-]

LoligoTX@reddit

Thank god for the jehova's witness protection program.

[-]

2whatextent@reddit

Nice.

[-]

Dry-Character-6331@reddit

When we were kids, Jehovah's Witnesses used to knock on my best friend's door routinely. One day, his dad answered the door in his boxers with a cigarette in one hand and glass of bourbon in the other. They never came back after that.

[-]

Waitsfornoone@reddit

Here's another one:

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door.

Jew: "Can I help you?"

Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!"

Jew: "Is that what you call him? You know, we have a name for him too..."

Witness: "No way?!"

Jew: "Yahweh."

[-]