For a wedding gift a guy decides to tattoo his wife's name on his penis...
Posted by mougrim@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 65 comments
When erect it proudly reads "Wendy" on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows "Wy".
While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a "Wy" on his penis.
He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy. The guy replies in a Jamaican accent: "No man, why do you ask?"
The husband then explains that he noticed the Wy on his penis and shared that he also has Wy on his and then when erect it says "Wendy". The stranger then said: "When I have a hard on it says "Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day".
gillead_68@reddit
A man walks into a brothel and one of the ladies takes him into her room and soon comes out laughing.
"I can't do it!", she exclaims to the other ladies. "He has 'Shorty' tattooed on his penis!"
A second lady goes in, with the same result.
Another worker, a true pro, says that she'll take this on. She goes in and comes out some time later looking like she's been put through the wringer.
The other girls, giggling, asked her how it went with 'Shorty'.
"Well, you didn't stick around until he was erect, because the tattoo actually read, 'Shorty's Bar and Grill, San Francisco, California'."
remmy84@reddit
One of my favourite jokes when i was at school in the 90s that!
RealCarlosSagan@reddit
80s for me
DontStopNowBaby@reddit
Hey. You too? damn i feel old now.
ZyXwVuTsRqPoNm123@reddit
90s??? I heard that shit in the 70s! Yes, I'm old.
firedude144@reddit
Well, sonny, I heard that joke when I was a whippersnipper back during the Boer War. Made me laugh so hard I almost swallowed my corncob pipe!
h_grytpype_thynne@reddit
It's kind of amazing to think that, for every joke like this, someone somewhere told the first version, and that history is lost to us.
EnvironmentalGift257@reddit
At least this one wasn’t stolen from an hour old video on the standup sub, which has been what this sub largely is for a while now.
It’s conceivable that OP is less than, say, 35 years old and didn’t hear it in junior high like all of us.
JohnnyRedHot@reddit
Lmaoo same, I'm argentinian and the first time I heard that joke it was when I was like 12 years old
Upstairs_School_7820@reddit
Right?
Charles_Bass@reddit
I heard this as Dennis Rodman and an AIDS to Adidas joke.
PozhanPop@reddit
"Welcome to Jamaica and have a wonderful day" is what mine says.
The_Stein244@reddit
I've never heard this one tbh... I loved it!
creepylittlelurker@reddit
In German the joke goes with "Rumbalotte", erect it says "Ruhm und Ehre der Rotbannerflotte"
ibondolo@reddit
I told that joke at a staff and guest talent night at a Jamaican resort in 1989. Joke was old then. Peak of my stand-up career. Made a band member fall of the stage in laughter.
mougrim@reddit (OP)
I’ve heard it is from the 1920s at least.
raysqman@reddit
I first heard as the flaccid “Tiny” expanding to Ticonderoga NY at full attention. But a classic nonetheless.
tjolnir417@reddit
I first hear it as For Tiny when flaccid and Fort Ticonderoga New York when erect. The guy who told the joke would always add, “and no, New York is not abbreviated.”
FrankNitty_Enforcer@reddit
The variant I heard goes from “Shorty” to “Shorty’s Bar and Grill, Chattanooga Tennessee”
IIIHawKIII@reddit
It had to be abbreviated or it wouldn't fuckin work with the "physics" of the joke. In the joke universe it would say "For Tirk."
SlugABug22@reddit
Prof told a racial-stereotype based joke in class?
raysqman@reddit
No wasn’t at all racist. The gist of it was that a man goes into a doctors appointment and is being interviewed by the nurse, who has to inspect his penis for whatever his ailment is. When she sees “Tiny” on the guy’s flaccid penis she can hardly contain her laughter. She walks out and tells another nurse she’s gotta go in and check it out. So the other nurse goes in the room and comes out 20 minutes later with her hair all disheveled. The first nurse asks what happened. The second nurse says “It doesn’t say tiny, it says Ticonderoga, NY”.
paroadwarrior@reddit
Shorty - Shorty's Bar and Grille, Albuquerque, New Mexico
StrangePiper1@reddit
Welcome to Jamaica mon! My name is Jamal and I certainly hope you enjoy your stay!
Brilliant-Branch6381@reddit
I first heard the joke about a guy who had SWAN tattooed on his flaccid penis and when he had an erection, it read SASKATCHEWAN.
IIIllIIlllIlII@reddit
Good ol number 3. Haven’t heard a joke from the single digits in a while.
mimopsico@reddit
I wonder what gets reposted more, these often reposted jokes or a comment of “ooh, good old joke number X, haven’t seen that one in a while” in every. single. thread.
h_grytpype_thynne@reddit
Ooh, meta-comment #39!
Thetallerestpaul@reddit
I wonder what gets posted more? Penguins scuba diving or surrealism.
ChrisTheDog@reddit
In Australia, it’s “Welcome to Woolloomooloo and have a nice day.”
___HeyGFY___@reddit
I never understood why he's meat gazing in the first place
dadadararara@reddit
I can’t understand how the Jamaican guy’s detumesces from “Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day" to just WY!? Poor guy!
SportsCommercials@reddit
I always heard/told it as that he and his new wife went to a nude beach, and he goes to the bar to get drinks and the (also nude) bartender is the Jamaican man with "Wy"
soulbutterflies@reddit
How else are you supposed to start small talk at the urinal?
___HeyGFY___@reddit
Obviously I don't go to the same kind of places that you do.
JustNeedSpinda@reddit
Large talk by the sounds of it.
Amilo159@reddit
It started small but then grew longer
cujo-wilson@reddit
My ex wife went to Jamaica with her sisters and totally got reamed out by that guy. :(
Effective-Visual-995@reddit
I heard this joke as a guy having the word Swan tattooed on his dick. When erect it was Saskatchewan.
mougrim@reddit (OP)
There are a lot of variations:)
Pretend-Dentist1411@reddit
From an old Richard Pryor joke I heard centuries ago. Two guys on Golden Gate Bridge. One says “water’s deep” and Richard say “deep too”. You can figure it out
Just_Wing_It_19@reddit
I’ve heard this one and if memory serves me correctly, the first guy says the water is cold then the other replies and deep.
therealdilbert@reddit
didn't he say cold ? ..
1VrySxyGuy@reddit
One of my favorite jokes from the 1600s.
Dashover@reddit
I thought it was the old…
Stop trying to put words in my mouth.. variant
London__Gentleman@reddit
The version I remember from the '90s was this:
Dennis Rodman took a woman back to his hotel room after a game. When she took off his shirt, she saw a tattoo that said NIKE on his chest and asked why he had it. "Because I was sponsored by Nike, of course." Then she took off his pants and saw a tattoo that said REEBOK. She asked if that meant he was sponsored by Reebok too, and he said yes of course. Then she took off his underwear and was immediately taken aback by a tattoo on his penis that said AIDS, to which Rodman said "don't worry baby, it's gonna say ADIDAS now in a minute"
Necessary-Tone-3925@reddit
How many times you think Jamaicans have heard it ? Wouldn’t be surprised if a Jamaican wrote the joke 50 years ago.
h_grytpype_thynne@reddit
Same again, so feel free to skip, but here's the version I grew up with:
A guy is in a bad car crash and is unconscious in the hospital for several days. The two nurses who looked after him (and who were also roommates ) notice his penis has a tattoo that says Little, with a squiggle after it. They start calling him Little.
Over time, he recovers, and grows very friendly with both of them. When he's discharged, he asks one of them out and she accepts.
She gets home at 2:00am and her roommate asks, "How was your date with Little?"
"LITTLE?!? That damn thing says 'Little Rock, Arkansas - Gateway to the Ozarks!'"
Superdry_GTR@reddit
Did we all just read it in a Jamaican accent?
OverEducatedMermaid@reddit
That’s the proper way the joke was told back in the day. The comedian had to perfect the accent! 😂
Poncherelly@reddit
Wow, I remember telling this joke in my early teens; 30+ years ago. Still funny though.
SouthernZorro@reddit
My shlong tattoo says "Little" most of the time, but when I get wood it says "Little Rock - Gateway To The Ozarks".
happymancry@reddit
Ahoy-hoy! A visit from one of the ancestors!
4redditobly@reddit
Very very very old joke. Classic
Jazzlike-Ad-3185@reddit
so this dude welcoming tourists with his penis
DoFr56@reddit
My girls name is already encapsulated on my member. I do have something to add though.
It reads now Angelica’s Baltimore Maryland.
I want to add just under the head gland UNITED STATES of AMERICA .
JoeyGee567@reddit
I have Dave tattooed on mine. My name is Joe, but my wife really likes saying, "who's that asshole attached to Dave?"
bookmarkjedi@reddit
Too bad the guy misspelled "day" - on his penis, no less.
wydok@reddit
This short, bubbly, blonde girl told me this joke in college back in 1995. We never had sex because, frankly, the joke intimidated me
Also, I didn't want to try to explain the reason I have "Why" tattooed on my penis
mmfn0403@reddit
“Welcome to the beautiful tropical island paradise of Jamaica. Have a nice day.”
mordecai98@reddit
IkariYun@reddit
That's the one I remember 🤣🤣
mordecai98@reddit
He's obviously committed to tourism.
motheman80@reddit
after hearing that . He asks the guy if he wants to meet Wendy for the real wedding gift
LoyeDamnCrowe@reddit
I have a tattoo of a fly on penis, but when erect it's a screaming eagle.