What’s The Worst Thing About Being An Atheist?

Then he is truly a savant, because me and the miss’ enjoy the river swim and let them bad boys swim free once they have escaped!!! Good luck counting!

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BananaNutBlister@reddit

Not to mention the clergy raping the little children.

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BlakeMW@reddit

They've already been watching me take a big nasty dump in the toilet thousands of times, they can handle it.

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DeputyDipshit619@reddit

Grandma and Jesus can be doing literally whatever the ~~hell~~ heaven they want. If they are choosing to watch me sling some web like it's October 2004 that's their fuckin problem.

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Trix4Treats@reddit

They watch their followers masturbate too so what’s the difference?

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punkrockredneck2337@reddit

Dealing with overzealous “Christians”

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Ozruewril@reddit

When religious people learn it up they begin to treat me condescendingly trying to instill faith in me in “subtle” ways

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mensaguy89@reddit (OP)

Isn’t that the worst? Condescending, judgmental Christians have no idea how offensive they are.

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mensaguy89@reddit (OP)

So, according to you, it is “stupid” to not believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and a magical man in the sky nobody has ever seen?

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viktorbir@reddit

Sorry you only have orgasms while masturbating alone.

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GilbertGuy2@reddit

Just scream 'oh my' like a british aristocrat

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aschwarzie@reddit

Yes but a mythological, not a religious one.

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GilbertGuy2@reddit

"Affirmative! Affirmative! Oh dear, Affirmative! I'm arriving!"

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JFKRFKSRVLBJ@reddit

I thought it was because they’re also dateless Redditors.

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gatsome@reddit

As an atheist redditor who does date, should I be feeling like a god?

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jlt131@reddit

Why would being an atheist equate to a dateless Redditor?

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Crueltea@reddit

I thought the worst thing about being an atheist would be the everlasting darkness when you die

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Saphira9@reddit

It's the same darkness and unawareness from the centuries before we were born. Doesn't bother most people. We're only aware while alive.

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TjW0569@reddit

You're not aware of it, so it's not that bad. Kind of like the pain you don't feel during surgery.

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whitea44@reddit

“Oh Spaghetti Monster! Oh Spaghetti Monsterrrrrrr!”

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Splext@reddit

Didn't clock what subreddit this was on and was looking for 'having to deal with religious people shoving it down your throat'

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thafuq@reddit

"JESUS MARIE JOSEPH" in French in the sext

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Meow-Out-Loud@reddit

I thought this was the r/atheist sub and typed out a whole actual reply. 😂

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Meow-Out-Loud@reddit

I get that most of the answers are joke answers, but here's a real one:

Feeling like no one has your back when some disaster strikes.

I grew up suuuuper Christian, and even after I stopped actively believing in God, I still had it kind of on the back burner of my mind that there was someone looking out for me. Then, in 2011 when that huge earthquake hit Japan, the town I was living in was devastated by the resulting tsunami. Any part of me that thought there might be a real, all-present, all-knowing, all-loving God evaporated. I felt really alone, and I envy people who can take comfort in belief.

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WikiWantsYourPics@reddit

There are different types of orgasm.

The positive orgasm: "Oh yes! Oh yes!"

The negative orgasm: "Oh no! Oh no!!"

The religious orgasm: "Oh my God!"

The fake orgasm (insert name of person you're telling the joke to).

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False_Ad_555@reddit

You're an atheist?

I swear to God

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mnatheist@reddit

I laughed out loud

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False_Ad_555@reddit

The looks I get when I tell people this are hilarious

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HotDonnaC@reddit

That’s a good one!

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Rocketjen@reddit

Haven’t found one yet?

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Santeno@reddit

Constantly being asked why by the observant, while they look at you with a mixture of pity and curiosity.

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mnatheist@reddit

That is pretty spot on

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One_Disaster_5995@reddit

The great thing about being an atheist is that using God's name in vain doesn't bother you cause it doesn't mean anything to you. I use his name habitually when I cum or when I hurt myself. Call it cultural appropriation - I don't care. Neither does he, I think.

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Lycanrus@reddit

Correction. We can use the lords name in vain

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NinjatheClick@reddit

Logic error: to the use lord's name presupposes they are lord.

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Plus-King5266@reddit

Did you hear about the atheist and the agnostic who got married? They couldn’t decide what not to raise the kids.

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NinjatheClick@reddit

Thinking of Metalocalypse when Muderface tried to find religion went to an Athiest church and it got picketed by agnostics.

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SuperCarbideBros@reddit

I don't fucking know; I'm agnostic.

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NinjatheClick@reddit

Ah. Its like when you don't know someone's name and don't want to be socially awkward and ask.

So I guess agnostics scream "hey you."

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Zayniiiiii@reddit

Probably the awkward moment when everyone else is praying for the food… and you’re just sitting there negotiating eye contact with a chicken leg like it owes you money..

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JakBos23@reddit

I think we eat different kinds of chicken.

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zanbato13@reddit

Nah, this is easy.

Instead of yelling "oh God," just yell out "no God!"

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JakBos23@reddit

I could see this working for others.

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itzbetter@reddit

Definitely -handing off all your worries and believing you’ll be taken care of. I love that people of faith can do this and really believe it. I admire it. For the most part it does get better, but truly believing that in the moment must be a super great feeling.

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itzbetter@reddit

😬

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firepitt@reddit

When you die you're all dressed up with nowhere to go!

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JakBos23@reddit

They often dig you a hole, or get a nice firing going to warm you up.

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_HeyGFY_@reddit

We can scream whatever we want. Who's gonna be offended?

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vercertorix@reddit

The girl you’re banging if it’s another girl’s name

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JakBos23@reddit

Yeah there's a list of things I can't call out in bed. Most of them I can't pronounce and the rest are other girls names. Or others guys names, or anything from the Bible.

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jlt131@reddit

I was dating a very Christian man last summer. It did actually cross my mind if he would be offended by an "oh god" during sex. Thankfully it never went that far so I never found out. (He was icky)

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Nuada-oz@reddit

Didn’t quite hit the spot?

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jlt131@reddit

Didn't give him the chance to try

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cacarrizales@reddit

Haha yeah, makes you wonder if that’s the case. Glad you dodged that bullet though!

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hainz_area1531@reddit

The neighbors, I quess...

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FriedBreakfast@reddit

I heard that atheists scream the name of Bill Nye the Science Guy, then keep saying BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! and break out into his theme song.

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JakBos23@reddit

Wasn't allowed when I was with his sister. Bill can be mean lol.

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dalr3th1n@reddit

Sex rules

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Darkarba@reddit

You can talk through the ball gag?

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JakBos23@reddit

Not with that attitude.

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Vondecoy@reddit

To paraphrase someone else's joke.

Do you realise how hard you have to orgasm to see someone else's God?

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JakBos23@reddit

Yeah, but they too want to show the way. I'm just trying to clean up and take this belt off my next.

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DoFr56@reddit

Move on to Rodeo sex!!

Where both get to the big O and you scream out another woman’s name!

Hold on for 8 seconds, Cowboy!

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MadDocHolliday@reddit

I heard rodeo sex is when you enter the girl from behind, reach around to cup both of her breasts, and say, "Your sister has better tits."

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ablemount@reddit

Or "my sister has better tits."

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Nuada-oz@reddit

This is so close to a yo mamma joke(of sorts)

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DoFr56@reddit

Your Arena, your Rodeo!! The Ladies make cutting,barreling,roping and flat out gettin’ it, an art form!

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Consistent-Tap-4255@reddit

For an atheist, it will be an even harder orgasm to see their own God.

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InitiativePlus877@reddit

Pray tell.

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bigjimbosliceoflife@reddit

When you die you will be all dressed up with no place to go

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dekkanrhee@reddit

I think most atheists just shout: "Oh mensaguy89's mom!"

Boom! Got him.

Reddit gold, please.

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antbcor@reddit

I just scream my uncles name.....

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Xeno_Prime@reddit

I scream Christopher Hitchens' name.

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bosnickcm@reddit

“Christopher, have you ever prayed?”

“Once for a hard on”

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DanielSwan@reddit

"When I realised that my god-given male member would give me no peace, I decided to give it no rest in return."

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Waitsfornoone@reddit

As well you ought, brother.

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Fyrentenemar@reddit

Atheists are the only ones who don't have rules against taking the lord's name in vain.

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chanakya2@reddit

That is not correct. In Hinduism and I believe Buddhism chanting god’s name is considered beneficial.

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Fyrentenemar@reddit

Aren't Buddhas more of an ideal than gods? They're typically based off of real people who reached a state of inner peace and /or nirvana aren't they? I always thought of them as something more like saints or prophets rather than gods.

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Liv1ng-the-Blues@reddit

This is true, Gautama Buddha would never answer when people would ask him about God or about Saints. Silence was his answer. But people being people, they make statues, bow and pray to them.

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Nuada-oz@reddit

Should I try screaming “Siddhartha Gautama” on the next occasion?

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Fyrentenemar@reddit

I'd take it as a personal insult if you didn't!

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callimpet@reddit

how about miners taking the lode in vein?

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xEdwardTeach@reddit

Oh Darwin!

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Ok_Material_2982@reddit

You use Godlike-technology

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s777tew@reddit

Can’t think of a cum back to this joke

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LaximumEffort@reddit

Check your mother’s mouth.

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Lantern61@reddit

Kim Kardashian

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Solid_Association_49@reddit

Pretty sure she got cum on her back in the video?

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RansomStark78@reddit

Lewis

Is another loser

F1 7 times world champion.

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HeSaidSonOfMan@reddit

Kum Kardashian

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BelloBoss@reddit

Kim Kardassian

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sepstolm@reddit

Oh dog, oh dog, oh dog!!

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ImWithStupid_ImAlone@reddit

This joke is worse than banging you fat ass mom

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CannaPLUS@reddit

There's either a letter missing from this sentence, or a comma.

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UKS1977@reddit

No the worse thing is you'll never know if you were right.

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CannaPLUS@reddit

Same for theists

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adamdoesmusic@reddit

You still scream “oh god” because it’s so unbelievable.

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Nuada-oz@reddit

Is it a miracle for you as well?

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dmbnl@reddit

Nothing. There is no downside as far as we're concerned. And before people talk about how we can't get into their heaven, blah, blah. Yeah, we don't believe that exists, so it's not a concern for us.

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Crimson_Moon_@reddit

Yoda

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Bbop512@reddit

At your funeral you’re all dressed up with no where to go

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jlt131@reddit

Atheists don't tend to have "funerals" where they're on display for everyone to peer at their corpse in a suit.

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TjW0569@reddit

Putting the FUN back in FUNeral.

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Calm_Canary@reddit

Redditors like “oh science, oh my science!”

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vercertorix@reddit

Sciencedammit!

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vercertorix@reddit

Sciencedammit!

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Dicky-1@reddit

God only knows

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Fabulous-Possible758@reddit

Course I do. I’ve named my hand “Dexter.”

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Soyl3ntR3d@reddit

U/mensaguy89 - how about you talk to me and I talk to you.

There, solved.

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gbaker1a@reddit

Judgement from religious folks, but on the flip side atheists can be just as judgmental. I have no desire to shake anyone’s faith and I don’t want anyone wasting my time trying to convince me that God exists either. But the immediate judgments from religious folks do bother me as if I don’t have morals because I don’t believe in God is annoying. My boss is a Mormon, a very annoying one that, so I won’t ever even get into a discussion about religion with him.

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The-Jolly-Joker@reddit

But I always talk to "fuck" when my prostate is pounding

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halfsweethalfstreet@reddit

well, there's no one else there during the sex, either.