A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
Posted by SuspiciousLow3062@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 9 comments
"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.
When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.
When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"
FunClothes@reddit
A man goes to buy a parrot, the prices are $100, $200, and 99 cents. He asks why the last one's so cheap. The pet store owner explains there's a problem, the cheap parrot has an offensive language problem and needs retraining. The man can't resist a bargain and buys it anyway. Once home, the parrot launched into it: "You fuckin' cheap ass shithead, get me some food now" The man replies: "Use language like that again and I'll put you in the freezer for 30 minutes". "You fucking moron, do you think I'm shit scared of a bastard like you?" The man grabs the parrot, chucks it in the freezer. 30 minutes later opens the door, puts the shivering parrot on its perch. The parrot launches in to it: "Kind sir and master, I deeply and humbly apologize for my prior vulgarity and disrespect, I promise with deep sincerity that I have learned my lesson and will honour you with polite conversation from this day forth. And as a matter of interest, would you be so kind to tell me what the chicken did?"
PussyTermin4tor1337@reddit
A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, l have a problem.
I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but l have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and l will put them in with my two male parrots who l taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the bibles away. Our prayers have been answered!"
jma4573@reddit
!😂
jma4573@reddit
My foot! I heard that here in Denmark in the 1980s.
It's universal! 😂
dirt_mcgirt4@reddit
This one's probably been around since the 1950s
jma4573@reddit
Yeah! People really never change! 😉
pcserenity@reddit
The version I heard goes like this:
Woman goes to a pet store to buy a parrot.
"Sure", he says, "they're $200."
"Oh, I can't really afford that. Do you have anything more reasonable?"
"Well, I do have one that just came in yesterday, and I could let you have it for $15, but it's got a real issue."
"15? That's great! What's the problem?"
"It was given to us by the police after they shut down a local brothel and doesn't have the nicest things to say."
She thinks it over and decides it can't be that bad and takes it home. When she gets there she takes the cover off the cage and the parrot, after looking her over, says, "Lady of the House. Lady of the House." The woman gets the reference but thinks, "That's not so bad."
That afternoon her neighbor, a cop, stops by on his way to work to drop off a letter delivered to his address by mistake. When she opens the door the parrot screeches, "It's the fuzz! It's the fuzz!" The woman again thinks, "Well, that's kinda cute."
A bit later her daughter comes home from school with her best friend. When they walk in the parrot belts out, "What'll it be gents? What'll it be gents?" The woman is taken back a bit by this, but thinks again, "It could be worse."
An hour later her husband comes home from work and the parrot squawks, "Hi Fred."
kaur_virunurm@reddit
It was with Bill, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton. They bought a parrot, and when they came home themselves, the parrot commented on them.
Hillary - "too old!"
Chelsea - "too young!"
Bill - "oh, hi Bill!"
ta9876543205@reddit
Good ol 121