A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…
Posted by 808gecko808@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 101 comments
Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."
He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.
The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.
They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."
She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round.
She's fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed.
They congratulate her and invite her back the next week.
She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30, or 6:45."
The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp.
Only this time, she plays left-handed.
The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.
They're totally amazed.
They can't figure her out.
She's very pleasant and a gracious winner.
They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.
The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys.
This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them.
The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part.
However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.
This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.
They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"
The lady blushes, and grins. "When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous." she replies. "I like to switch back and forth."
"When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."
The guys think this is hysterical.
Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"
She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
Alarming_Orchid@reddit
Shouldn’t it always be straight up? Or does the husband have a blood pressure issue
superkoning@reddit
> "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."
... ...
> They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse
I'm not a golf expert, but how long does playing golf take, so at what time are those beers? A bit early on the day?
powdered_dognut@reddit
Yep. You're not a golf expert. The beers are cracked after the first tee and second shot.
theprofessorofrandom@reddit
Ah, an individual that learned from the John Daly School of Alcoholic Golfers
powdered_dognut@reddit
The beer gets the weed taste out of your mouth, any pro golfer knows that.
theprofessorofrandom@reddit
Depending on what youre smoking, might need two-tree a dem beers to dull the taste enough
stringofmade@reddit
Up to 5 hours so they'd be having beers as early as brunch as late as lunch
Empanatacion@reddit
A gentleman has a full bar installed in the golf cart so he can have a civilized Bloody Mary for brunch.
chicken2007@reddit
Generally, the acceptable pace of play is 15 minutes per hole for a group of 4. And like the other person wrote, golf courses are like airports, the actual time doesn't matter that much for the beverages.
jdfhe@reddit
Golf clubhouses are like airports. It doesn't matter the time, someone is always drinking.
whatwhatinthewhonow@reddit
You just don’t understand golf.
EngineersAnon@reddit
You know the song "It's Five o'Clock Somewhere"? What it doesn't say is that "somewhere" is the nineteenth hole.
Brooker2@reddit
Surprisingly I've never heard this one before. Thanks for the good laugh OP
Srlancelotlents@reddit
OK, Boomer.
CarbonCrawler@reddit
Nice. Made me chuckle
Captain-Who@reddit
Good thing we know she is pleasant though…
luigisanto@reddit
Wow I am old guy and that joke was ancient
Waitsfornoone@reddit
But it still works.
NorskChef@reddit
He's old. It probably doesn't.
Mhank7781@reddit
Ageism. Lol
smadaraj@reddit
Not as well as it did though
ClosetLadyGhost@reddit
Only if it's straight up
chairmanghost@reddit
That's why shes 15 minutes late
firsttime_longtime@reddit
If it works with a pill, or it works without a pill, doesn't matter, as long as it works!
luigisanto@reddit
As they say, everything old is new again
NorskChef@reddit
So yours doesn't point anywhere anymore?
luigisanto@reddit
It works as well as that joke
beadzy@reddit
use of the word “willie” backs up your claim
kangasplat@reddit
My dad told me that new jokes don't exist, only newborns.
ClosetLadyGhost@reddit
Simpsons is proof of this
SKGunner@reddit
I first heard it on The Super Dave Osborne Show.
Student___Driver@reddit
I fell asleep twice reading this and then when I finally woke up the next day and got to the punch line…
empathetic_penguin@reddit
Made me cuckle
stopdropandrauljulia@reddit
was this upvoted ironically
mamut2000@reddit
Is this like Norm McDonald type of joke?
ZAJPER@reddit
It would be twice as long with the names of all the guys and what they ate for breakfast
Henry_Sugar1970@reddit
Well that brings back memories, I used this joke in my best man speech many moons ago....
The joke was about football / soccer but was the same set up, just for a bloke instead.
Thxs for the time machine !!!!
rada-bi-cal13@reddit
That's a good one!
needanameiwontforget@reddit
ZG
Electrical_Olive_787@reddit
She’s not wasteful that’s for sure.
realmuffinman@reddit
Hey mom said it's my turn to post this one
drdildamesh@reddit
A classic
Redtube_Guy@reddit
anyone laugh out loud to this?
my reaction irl: "heh 😑"
traderncc1701e@reddit
i logged in to downvote the post. not a good joke
Patient-Scarcity8849@reddit
how is this funny
Mediocre-Catch9580@reddit
I’m more impressed that she would own two sets of golf clubs.
FLiP_J_GARiLLA@reddit
That's why Golf originally stood for: "Gentleman only, Ladies Forbidden
myusernamesissilly@reddit
1457 Scottish Gaelic people would take offense to this
Empanatacion@reddit
The most amazing coincidence is that it's not until translated from Scottish to English that the initials line up.
Successful_Log_3298@reddit
There's a comedian who had a whole skit about how he hates jokes with bad premises. The literal-minded among us can relate.
Golf clubs are handed. If you want to play with either hand you need two sets. They're expensive.
So I guess an unspoken part of the joke is that she's wealthy.
ZanyFlamingo@reddit
You don't have to be that wealthy to get golf clubs. I got a full set from a thrift store for like 80 bucks
schwanzweissfoto@reddit
It's a golf club, so what did you expect?
al_earner@reddit
I'll let you know how good the joke is in a couple of days, when I finish reading it.
myusernamesissilly@reddit
Why would you tell a bunch of strangers you're slow at reading?
VVageslave@reddit
You probably play golf slowly also…
resisting_a_rest@reddit
So if she’s 15 minutes late, does she play lefty or righty? Joke is totally ruined.
/s
attackplango@reddit
Doesn’t matter. She ends up on top either way.
ary31415@reddit
After the 15 minutes, then it'll be leaning for her to know which way
Glum_Knowledge8757@reddit
And that is a slow burn... love it
2020mademejoinreddit@reddit
Nice! lol
EverQrius@reddit
Good one
Top_Freedom3412@reddit
15 whole minutes? Lucky
campatterbury@reddit
Classic old man joke.
BlackMagicWorman@reddit
Golf and dicks.
campatterbury@reddit
Bingo
G-Ma6@reddit
he he he he he
Marksmdog@reddit
15 minutes? Completely unbelievable...
TesticleHead69@reddit
She has a shower after.
Lounging-Shiny455@reddit
in 13 minutes? completely unbelievable.
yetanotherburnerstan@reddit
Best line in this post
thriftymystery@reddit
9
thriftymystery@reddit
N
TenRingRedux@reddit
Nicely played.
back_tees@reddit
TLDR
mhofer1984@reddit
The punchline is sex
CalmBeneathCastles@reddit
Very 80's. I want my 45 seconds back.
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CalmBeneathCastles@reddit
Oh great, grammar Nazi bots now.
dalekaup@reddit
You mean "no one wants to say 'no' ".
Bonfire0fTheManatees@reddit
It makes sense as “no one wants to say yes.” They do not want to tell her yes, but because they feel pressured, they do say yes anyway. They ALL want to say no!
dalekaup@reddit
Mind if I join you next week?
No means "Please join us"
Yes means "We do mind, don't join us".
NOverAllExplanation@reddit
Worth the read
dadadararara@reddit
Wait, my wife always starts at 6:30, even if it is straight up! Who is this dream woman?
another1harder@reddit
GOLF Gentleman Only, Ladies F***.
mordan1@reddit
Solid Punchline but the set up is a bit unnecessarily long Imo
DamnOdd@reddit
Well done, nicely crafted tale.
Tak-T@reddit
Long one but worth it
Egon_2392@reddit
That’s what she said.
LindonLilBlueBalls@reddit
Only when she is 15 minutes late.
CyberFireball25@reddit
Indeed
apartment1i@reddit
Doesn't make sense that she was late and played right-handed..
Old-Kernow@reddit
Which hand would make sense? If she's late, she can choose....
Waitsfornoone@reddit
It might depend on which hand was 'busier' that morning.
BDCanuck@reddit
After fifteen minutes, it is able to lean one way or the other.
SpotFit2996@reddit
Oh it does.
ta9876543205@reddit
Good ol 67
SirSkot72@reddit
nice, 5 under par.
Viking-Mutt@reddit
Nice!
Mean_Maxxx@reddit
That was definitely worth the wait !!
theBerj@reddit
Nice
Great-Instance-9972@reddit
Very funny