"Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I am 75 years old, and I've recently started dating a 25-year-old woman. She's drop dead gorgeous, loves sex, and is unbelievable in bed. We have sex at least three or four times a day, and each time, I make her scream like a banshee."

"Oh my! This is indeed a sin. As penance, you must say five Hail Marys and five Our Fathers every day for the next week."

"What? I can't do that, I'm Jewish!"

"You're Jewish? Then why are you telling ME?"

"I'm telling EVERYBODY!"