An Irishman stops by the market and picks up two cases of Guinness, a quart of scotch and a loaf of bread.

Posted by Jokeminder42@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 55 comments

When he gets home he carries the purchases into the kitchen and puts them on the counter. His wife sees this and says, "So... are we havin' a party?"

The Irishman says, "No."

And his wife says, "Then what's the bread for?"

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ztreHdrahciR@reddit

Irishman

scotch

Change to whiskey. Otherwise good

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gdmfsoabrb@reddit

Is liquor sold by the quart in Ireland? Even in the US a regular size bottle is 750ml.

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superwizdude@reddit

I love how in the US that drugs, alcohol and weapons are measured in metric, but everything else is measured in bald eagles per mile or something like that.

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superwizdude@reddit

Calories is another great US only thing. Plus US pints are smaller than the rest of the world.

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Grimdark-Waterbender@reddit

O… M… G…! THE REST OF THE WORLD DOESN’T HAVE CALORIES?!?! 🤯

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Calories is such a poor metric in food and drink. Should change it to a green, amber, red system. Green = eat plenty of this, Amber = eat a very small amount of this, Red = eat this often and you'll die quicker.

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superwizdude@reddit

Australia has a “health star rating” on some foods. 1 star is bad, 5 stars good. We also list the sugars, fats, sodium etc on the back by 100g (or 100ml for liquid) and per serving, so it’s easy to work out the fat or sugar percentage of any product by just looking at the label.

From what I understand the USA has a very simplified version of this system with just “per serving” listed which is very deceptive when you are told that bag of confectionary is 17 servings and you gob the whole lot down in 2 minutes. Seems like it’s designed to confuse rather than actually help you.

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Betterthanbeer@reddit

The health stars are useless. They compare like products, not objectively good or bad products.

A sugar based cereal can inflate its score by adding fibre without removing any sugar.

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Demoniac_smile@reddit

It’s a bit of both. We decided that info like that is something consumers should have. The businesses thought this might reduce profit but recognized that direct opposition was not a winning move. Consequently, they made sure to give accurate info but in a misleading format.

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P0L1Z1STENS0HN@reddit

In Germany, we say "calories are the little gnomes who sew your clothing more tight overnight".

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Betterthanbeer@reddit

South Australian crying into his 425ml beer.

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superwizdude@reddit

Yeah what the fuck happened with that? Last time I went to Adelaide I ordered a schooner and got the kiddies version. Was the premier away the day they named all of these or something? 😂

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Betterthanbeer@reddit

SA names the glasses one size up from what they really are. It’s a travesty. Probably a historical wowser thing in the city of churches that ended up as law.

Hell, I have had NSW bartenders warn me that schooners are bigger there when they hear my accent.

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superwizdude@reddit

When my dad went to uni in Melbourne there was a student in residential accommodation from SA. They went to the bar one night and that person ordered a “schooner of scotch” and said he could drink the whole thing. Everyone laughed. Apparently he finished it and they had to drag him home as he was totally shitfaced.

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DoFr56@reddit

Lb weed

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Demoniac_smile@reddit

If you’re referring to bullet calibers when you say weapons, we do those like wrenches. They can be either metric or imperial. 5.56 nato is metric but .357 magnum is imperial. There’s more but that makes the point.

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jabberjaw750@reddit

12 oz cans or bottles in US .. which ain’t metric .. but pints (16 oz ) as well not metric .. imperial system but all countries use metric for fifth (750cc) or handles (1.75).. we also like Fahrenheit instead of Celsius and driving on the right .. and 8 balls and quarter oz bags of drugs .. so not sure you are correct in your sanctimony .. just different .. and bald beavers per kilometer is my favorite

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ithorc@reddit

You've won the internet for today

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BillWilberforce@reddit

Same in Ireland. Even the UK hasn't used imperial spirit sales, since the '90s.

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max1304@reddit

I suspect very few non-Americans even know what a “quart” is!

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DoFr56@reddit

750ml is too many syllables, 5th, we just call it picking up a 5th.

Babe, catch me a 5th coming home.

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conor34@reddit

Were metric so 750ml or 1L bottles.

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LumpyInflation7469@reddit

Bottle or naggin

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GreatSouthernSloth@reddit

Two nights ago I finished a bottle of Johnny Walker.

Last night I opened a bottle of Jamesons.

What a contrast. Thank you Ireland!

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Awkward_Pangolin3254@reddit

There are better Irish whiskeys.

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Gandgareth@reddit

Tullamore Dew?

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nephdown@reddit

Red breast

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Gandgareth@reddit

$135aud for Red Breast, $54aud for Tullamore.

Not in my price range ATM.

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Gone_For_Lunch@reddit

You were drinking Johnny Walker what did you expect?

It’s a shite whisky.

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TopicPretend4161@reddit

Was going to say this.

Change it to Jameson’s or Bushmill’s and it’s perfect 😊

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Jokeminder42@reddit (OP)

Good point. Thanks.

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wem1985@reddit

A drop of the dew....

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IBB_98@reddit

Irishman here (you know, the ones actually from Ireland, not Americans pretending).

What the fuck is a quart? And why the fuck would I be buying scotch and not Jameson? (Jameson Black Barrell if it's on sale) And I already have around 4 loaves of bread in the house already, so buying another one won't insinuate I'm throwing a party at all.

And if I'm buying all of that you better believe I'm buying some tayto too. This joke sucks.

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Aureolus_Sol@reddit

Not to ruin the fun but the bread thing got me too, bread is such a staple of the Irish household that we run out every time there's a modicum of a storm coming

Now a packet of custard creams? That's a party

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IBB_98@reddit

Oh I love custard creams

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Mark_fuckaborg@reddit

Not Bushmills??

Get out. ;)

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IBB_98@reddit

If we're going direct comparisons with black barrel I'm assuming you're referring to Bushmills Black Bush, and not the standard Bushmills (because who in god's name would even compare that to Black Barrel?)

The black bush is a good whiskey for sure (and slightly cheaper than black barrel), but I prefer the black barrel because it's smoother imo, and plus I like spirits with a slight vanilla taste too (if you're into rum at all then I adore Bacardi spiced with some coca cola)

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