Joke about dead pilots

Posted by Normal-Internal164@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 74 comments

Two pilots are dead and brave passengers break down the door to take control of the plane. They get on to air traffic control who guide them….

“Ok stay calm…now do you see those 3 switches located on main panel?”

“Yes, yes!!!”

“Ok make sure they are all switched to ‘on’”

“Ok, ok!!”

Passengers are sweating with panic…

“You see the dial above the copilots head?”

“Yes, yes!!”

“Make sure it is rotated 90 degrees clockwise”

The passengers follow the order ….

“Ok it’s done!!!!”

More instructions from ATC…

“Now the blue button on the left hand panel…make sure that is engaged”

“Ok, ok I think it’s done” sweats the passenger

“Good. Now slide the red lever 50% northwards”

The passengers are in a state of flux but coping….

After 5 or 6 minutes of intense conversation and instructions, air traffic control declare…

“Ok, I think we’re going to be ok……

……you’re all clear to take off”

[-]

majesticmanbearpig@reddit

Was really starting to wonder if this joke was going to make it off the ground.

Doomsauce1@reddit

It may not have landed but it took off in the end.

Then_Bar8757@reddit

Go around! Lameness ahead! LAMENESS AHEAD!

Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit

I hate all this rudeness. You guys all have a bad altitude.

Finally, someone who's really grounded.

It ends just before the actual take-off, so we can't know...

prof_bnn@reddit

I don't get it. Flew right over my head.

lpythonator@reddit

Nothing stays airborne forever, even crashing is still and landing of sorts…

spiritsarise@reddit

This joke had wings of wax and flew too close to the sun.

Did you hear about the two pilots who landed at a new airport?
They realized they were going way to fast and had to really slam the brakes, everything in the plane was bouncing around, tires smoking, they barely stopped before the edge of the runway, but they managed.

The pilot looks at the co-pilot and says, "Damn that's a short runway."
The co-pilot looks out the window and says, "Yeah, but is sure is wide..."

NYY15TM@reddit

The water was both cold AND deep

That's what JFK Jr said.

mjt57@reddit

An oldie but a goodie. Back when first heard it the joke was about an Irish Airline, when it was fashionable to bash the Irish (I'm Irish, well, of Irish descent anyway). Today, these Irish airline jokes wouldn't fly...

IrishFlukey@reddit

They do. They're known as Ryanair.

I'm Irish, from Ireland.

MrT735@reddit

And that'll be a €2 surcharge for the joke.

HowlingWolven@reddit

I thought those were Belgian pilots.

imtougherthanyou@reddit

Insert easy target, usually to broadcast one's latent prejudice... ;)

Hey, I’m Dutch, there’s definitely some latent prejudice against our weirdly soft-spoken southern neighbours

drakekengda@reddit

Which is fully reciprocated, dear loud northern neighbour

We zijn nou ook weer geen Duitsers hoor :v

Dependent-Hippo-1626@reddit

I once watched a Beaver take off perpendicular to a runway. His roll was maybe 200’.

johnnyg169@reddit

I’m not saying this is an old joke, but no kidding, this was one of my dad’s favorite jokes back in the 1970s! He worked for Pan Am.

eljefino@reddit

Before deregulation, those surely were the good old days.

my wife worked for Pam Am at La Guardia as a pax service agent, mainly on the shuttle service. Was a great place to work and she met a lot of interesting folks, one of whom was JFK Jnr. She said that he was a true gentleman.

jflb96@reddit

Ah, like a cricket bat

BigPineapplePete@reddit

..... .. .... .. ....

pate0018@reddit

Hahahaha... That was good and one I had never heard before!

Scorpy-yo@reddit

Did you hear about the bassist who locked his keys in the van?

It took him three hours to unlock it and get the drummer out.

onefst250r@reddit

Two drums and a cymball fall off a cliff.

That-Grapefruit6677@reddit

Plane to see

AndrewHNPX@reddit

Why would they let inexperienced passengers get the plane in the air? I could understand if it was already mid-flight.

Ill-Running1986@reddit

Don't worry. It went right over his head.

Expensive_Ask5872@reddit

Looks like it flew over your head mate

terrapin_1@reddit

I am crediting you with knowing exactly what you're doing here - very good - but I'm not sure that the rest of Reddit is going to be so understanding.

LionSuneater@reddit

...

Simpicity@reddit

Man, I ain't got time for all these tarmac delays. I'm trying to get to New York.

IAmSpitfireJoe@reddit

That's the "joke". It's a bad one.

APacketOfWildeBees@reddit

Excellent stuff

we_toucans_share@reddit

The passenger at the controls looks down and says, "What are all these buttons for?"
The one in the copilot's seat says, "They keep your shirt closed."

S_NJ_Guy@reddit

Those brave passengers deserve an extra bag of pretzels.

nylonnet@reddit

Says a lot about customer service these days...

newoodworker@reddit

"you said that both pilots are dead, can you please make sure of that?"

bang, bang

"yes, I am sure they are both dead."

Own_End8247@reddit

Reminds me of the time we were landing in Burbank when the pilot came on to tell us that we might notice the emergency equipment lining the runway. They were there because there had been an electrical fire in the cockpit so the crew couldn’t tell whether the landing gear was down

dotav@reddit

I hope I die like my grandfather, sleeping comfortably, instead of screaming and afraid, like the passengers in the plane he was piloting.

Jazzlike-District213@reddit

Budget airlines taking notes

MySkinIsFallingOff@reddit

"let me just dot this down: dead... pilots..."

hopskipjumprun@reddit

Ending made me chuckle

BuckWoody1206@reddit

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

newyork44m@reddit

Surprise ending.

Malalang@reddit

As in all jokes.

ExactlyClose@reddit

I literally LOLd

Ooh-Rah@reddit

Well, I liked it.

deadlyduck1968@reddit

I was wondering if the plane was flying at some weird upside down angle, so all the left and right instructions were messed up.

ProfessionalTwo5476@reddit

Definitely landed with a "thud".

DaFoxtrot86@reddit

Uh, do you think we could change in in-flight movie too? If these people might die, I think they might wanna see something better than Queen Latifa on skis.

binderdriver@reddit

Didn't see that one comin'.....

Dull_Position1512@reddit

2...pilots?

tyler??

josh??

curiousdumbdog@reddit

I’m guessing Southwest Airlines?

Shaun32887@reddit

"Three switches on the main panel" "...looks up to see three hundred switches spread across seventy two panels."

Normal-Internal164@reddit (OP)

It’s all I could think of sorry

do you see those 3 switches located on main panel?

Dude, have you ever seen an airplane cockpit? That's like asking if you see those three windows in a skyscraper.