Suppose Dolly Parton Married Tom Smothers, Then Divorced Him and Married Stuart Little, Divorced Him and Married Martin Short, Then Divorced Him And Married Leslie Mann

[-]

sleepycatz1972@reddit

If Prince Charles and Lady Diana had named their first child Up, they could have signed their Christmas cards “Up, Chuck, and Di.”

[-]

And if Wonder Woman had married Howard Hughes, then divorced him and married Henry Kissinger she’d be Wonder Hughes Kissinger now. ( and yes I know both men are now dead and she’s a fictional woman, but I very seldom get to use this joke. )

[-]

Srikandi715@reddit

And "Wonder" is not her first name 😉 But I upvoted anyway!

[-]

EarlBeforeSwine@reddit

And that would the the answer to the question:

Diana Hughes Kissinger

[-]

flying_carabao@reddit

I don't get it. Is the punchline how "Hughes Kissinger" is prounounced where it sounds like "who's kissing her?" Or something else?

[-]

EarlBeforeSwine@reddit

That’s how I read it (even though that’s not actually how Kissinger is pronounced)

[-]

flying_carabao@reddit

Had to look it up and it's pretty much "Kiss-injure" so now I have no idea what's up

[-]

EarlBeforeSwine@reddit

Yeah. It seems to be one of those that you just have to bend the pronunciation a bit in order to make the joke work.

Even Hughes has to be mispronounced a little to get “who’s”

[-]

USMCdrTexian@reddit

Like Eminem

[-]

EarlBeforeSwine@reddit

No, “Wonder Eminem Kissinger” doesn’t make sense

[-]

flying_carabao@reddit

Another comment said it was in reference to an old song. It's probably this one or another version of it.

[-]

cookerg@reddit

It's from an old song, I Wonder Who's Kissing Her Now

[-]

Organic-Cantaloupe97@reddit

I wonder if they bread

[-]

Omnigroove@reddit

Had Marvel's Scarlet Witch done this then she could be Wanda Hughes Kissenger now.

[-]

baron--greenback@reddit

Still using it too much for my liking..

[-]

WasWawa@reddit

There were some I remember from when I was a kid in the '60s.

If Judy Garland married Howdy Doody, her name would be Judy Doody.

If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, her name would be Kitty Twitty.

[-]

dehydratedrain@reddit

I'm old enough to remember when that joke was Ivana (neil) Diamond (jack) Nicklaus (richard) Darling.

[-]

toleranceoflactose@reddit

Somebody has been watching 'Laugh-In!'

[-]

tOaDeR2005@reddit

Laugh-in did these type of jokes a lot.

[-]

MajesticPosition7424@reddit

So did Mad Magazine

[-]

Historical_Monk_6118@reddit

Whoopie Goldberg marrying Gerrard depardieu would have resulted in a name something like Woopie Duppy doo! Or she could have married Peter Cushing 🤔

[-]

msstatelp@reddit

If I ever got the death penalty and could choose the way to go, being smothered by Dolly Parton would be at the top.

[-]

WhiskySwanson@reddit

Well, that’s my productive day out the window!

[-]

anderoogigwhore@reddit

If she married William Shatner and then divorced him to marry Stevie Knicks her name would be Dolly Shatner Knicks

[-]

derfdude@reddit

If Tuesday Weld married Hal March Jr. she'd be Tuesday March The Second.

[-]

Secure-Student-756@reddit

I believe it was… If Tuesday Weld married Frederic March the 2nd, that would make her Tuesday the 2nd!

[-]

LW-M@reddit

I knew a couple who married late in life, (late 60s). It was the first marriage for both of them. Her first name was Dora. Her married name was Dora Bell.

[-]

QaddafiDuck01@reddit

If Ella Fitzgerald had married Alan Funt she would be Ella Funt

[-]

Allegra1120@reddit

“Say goodnight, Dick”

[-]

pluribusduim@reddit

Tom Smothers died.

[-]

Insight42@reddit

And Stuart Little is a mouse.

[-]

USMCdrTexian@reddit

Shaq looks like a mouse compared to those puppies.

[-]

ElderSkelder@reddit

Stuart Smalley.

Smalley…Little…don’t be so picky!

[-]

JazzRider@reddit

He was not a mouse-he just looked like one.

[-]

RiseDelicious3556@reddit (OP)

not the one who lives next door to me

[-]

match_@reddit

It’s amazing what desire and a shovel will get you.

[-]

Clickguy10@reddit

It’s a different Tom Smothers.

[-]

Bemeup57@reddit

Once while playing pub trivia I faced a question in the category of serial killers. “which pair of brothers strangled their victims in their killing spree?” My answer was the Smothers Brothers.

[-]

False-Storm-5794@reddit

You and I would get along at the pub! No doubt about it!

[-]

RabidWolfIsAFurry@reddit

It's a joke... M

[-]

DoookieMaxx@reddit

Not the one that lives next to me …

[-]

Revolutionary-Key650@reddit

Only just.

[-]

RiseDelicious3556@reddit (OP)

Not the one who lives next door to me.

[-]

2BallsInTheHole@reddit

Nobody said it was a "legal" marriage...

[-]

MC_Hale@reddit

If Mary Tyler Moore married and then divorced Steven Tyler, then married and divorced Michael Morre, then got into a three-way lesbian marriage with Demi Moore and Mandy Moore, would she go by the name Mary Tyler-Moore-Tyler-Moore-Moore-Moore?

--credit to Happy Endings

[-]

hightower65@reddit

How do you like it, how do you like it…

Sorry, but you started it. I couldn’t just leave it hanging there!

[-]

Successful_Equal_136@reddit

Can you find your way out?

[-]

texaschair@reddit

If Karen Carpenter ate the ham sandwich instead of Mama Cass, they'd both be alive today.

[-]

MattGdr@reddit

Karen Carpenter practiced cannibalism??

[-]

1LuckyTexan@reddit

A dark humor joke is like food in North Korea

Not everyone gets it

[-]

slade51@reddit

But you can’t complain.

[-]

looloose@reddit

If Kitty Wells had married Conway Twitty her name would be Kitty Twitty.

[-]

the_purple_goat@reddit

I wish they did. That would have been hilarious

[-]

CrazyDazyMazy@reddit

The one I heard in the 70s: Olivia Newton John married John Wayne, divorced him and married Wayne Newton, then divorced him and married Elton John.

Olivia Newton John Wayne Newton John

[-]

crumblingruin@reddit

Old Southern joke: Dolly Parton has bought three grocery store chains - Big Star, Piggly Wiggly, and Harris Teeter. She's combining them and rebranding as Big Wiggly Teeters.

[-]

poetwarrior34@reddit

She married a mouse?

[-]

Bulky-Background-680@reddit

Dolly Parton's books weighed 69lbs, she thought that was 2-2-2 much, so she took 51 pills in 8 days which left her...

[-]

UjustMe-4769@reddit

There’s an old song “I wonder who’s kissing her now “ that the joke references.

[-]

oloapid@reddit

Frankly, she'd probably not have to go through all those men if instead of going with Tom, she picked his brother Dick.

[-]

DelanoTony@reddit

Rich Little.

[-]

AE_WILLIAMS@reddit

Dolly always liked him better.

[-]

jadobo@reddit

Joke I heard in the Southern US, back in the early 2000's. Seems like it was a bad time for the grocery business and a few of the major southern chains (Piggly Wiggly, Big Star, and Harris Teeter) were in financial trouble. It turns out that Dolly Parton, being an astute business woman, had shares in all three of them and was negotiating a plan for consolidating them into one chain, with herself as a sort of figure head. The CEO of Piggly Wiggly was all for naming the new company "Dolly Parton's Piggly Wiggly". Likewise, the CEOs of Big Star and Harris Teeter each wanted their name featured prominently. Naturally, using all three companies in the name would be a bit awkward, so a compromise was reached, where just part of each company's name would be used. After much back and forth and tense negotiations, a new name was agreed upon. Unfortunately, the merger failed for unrelated business reasons, so the South was never graced with "Dolly Parton's Big Wiggly Teeters".

[-]

AutoModerator@reddit

/u/jadobo has unlocked an opportunity for education!

Abbreviated date-ranges like "’90s" are contractions, so the apostrophe goes before the numbers.

You can also completely omit the apostrophe if you want: "The 90s were a bit weird."

Numeric date-ranges like 1890s are treated like standard nouns, so they shouldn't include apostrophes.

To show possession, the apostrophe should go after the S: "That was the ’90s’ best invention."

The apostrophe should only precede the S if a specific year is being discussed: "It was 1990's hottest month."

TL;DR: When writing dates, apostrophes do not pluralize!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[-]

xrayvision1@reddit

If names worked that way, Elizabeth Taylor would have died as Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Warner Fortensky.

[-]

No_Candy_3157@reddit

This has always been my favorite name pun.

[-]

wvmusicmaster@reddit

You're assuming she acquired their last names. How non-conforming of you!

[-]

Revolutionary-Key650@reddit

Kept?

[-]

wvmusicmaster@reddit

I was intending to mean some women don't take men's last names anymore. Especially if they're a celebrity.

[-]

Revolutionary-Key650@reddit

I got you. No offence meant.

[-]

azad_ninja@reddit

There like infinity stones, but for bad punchlines

[-]

Balrog71@reddit

Happily. Even today. I’ve done all I ever set out to do. Let me motorboat away in a cloud of titties

[-]

sgt_oddball_17@reddit

If Yale Lock merged with Mary Tyler Moore Enterprises, Fuller Brush Company, and Grace Chemical, the new company would be:

Yale Mary Fuller Grace

[-]

mbfos@reddit

And if Courteney Cox marries John Lee Hooker, she’ll be Courteney Cox Hooker

[-]

JokeJedi@reddit

And with what did Dolly smother him with?

Her recent fling, with the actress Reese Witherspoon

[-]