A man was sitting on the beach, all alone. He had no arms, and no legs.

Posted by jimmypotato1914@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 31 comments

Three beautiful women came walking along, and stopped.

One asked him “Have you ever been hugged?”

”No.” he said. She knelt, and gave him a really great hug, then walked on.

Another woman asked “Have you ever been kissed?”

”No.” he replied. She knelt, and gave him a truly passionate kiss, then she followed the first lady.

The third woman asked him “Have you ever been fucked?”

His pulse jumped, his breath caught, and his mouth got dry, and he said “No.”

”You will be, the tides coming in .” she replied

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jlionbad@reddit

I'm sure he'll be able to wave it off... oh... wait 😬

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somewherenearbyme@reddit

Version I heard long ago was she threw him in the ocean and said "Well, you're fucked now."

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ktka@reddit

Does anyone have the prequel? How did he get to the beach?

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flying_carabao@reddit

More like a hip skip and shoulder shimmy.

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DustyRhodesSplotch@reddit

I thought the third one tossed him on the ocean and said "There. Now you're fucked."

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Necessary-Look1116@reddit

I like the original one better but nice try.

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mehum@reddit

But his nickname will be Bob once the tide comes in

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USMCWrangler@reddit

Precisely.

Then Stew but his friends call him chum.

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DoFr56@reddit

We just called him second base usually. Sometimes home plate if that area was still muddy and hard to keep the plate cleared off.

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mvandemar@reddit

Should have included her walking away at the end like the first two.

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A man was flying his small plane over a remote area when the engine started belching black smoke. He quickly put on a parachute and jumped. The chute didn't quite slow him down enough, and when he hit the ground he lost consciousness.

When he woke up, he was surrounded by an entire native tribe with fiercely-dressed warriors aiming spears at him threateningly. "Oh man," he mutters. "I am fucked."

"NO. NO YOU ARE NOT FUCKED." a mighty voice booms out.

"What? Who said that? Who are you?"

"THIS IS GOD. YOU MUST DO EXACTLY AS I SAY. SEIZE THE SPEAR FROM THE NEAREST WARRIOR, THEN HURL IT THROUGH THE HEART OF THE CHIEF."

"Well, okay, God, if you say so." The man grabs the spear and throws it at the chief, who falls dead in a pool of blood. "Okay, God, now what?"

"NOW* YOU ARE FUCKED."

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