My girlfriend sat me down the other day for a chat. I say 'chat', it was her talking at me for six hours. I didn't realise that when men say they're 'spoken for' that's actually what they mean. She said "Jimmy, our relationship is at a crossroads.

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jlionbad@reddit

If the crossroad leads into a no-through road, isn't still valid as a crossroad?

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JackSilver1410@reddit

I can hear this followed up by a baffling inward laugh.

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North_Station_302@reddit

So I replied, "That's not a crossroads, that's a T-Junction".

... and it was at this moment that he knew he'd fucked up. RIP Jimmy, we hardly knew ya.

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Fluffboll@reddit

the joke is that the guy is focusing on the terminology used instead of the message being conveyed.

A crossroads have 3 possible routes excluding the one you came from, while in the joke only 2 options are given meaning it's technically a T-junction not a crossroads.

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Ah, ok, so the dead-end has nothing to do with it? I've been trying to picture what kind of intersection goes forward a long way in one direction but also has a cul-de-sac coming off it, and I couldn't see that as a T, but I guess it can be.

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Davebobman@reddit

The dead-end has everything to do with it. It is called a T-junction (uppercase T) because it is shaped like a T. - If you are coming from the road on the bottom, then the road you are on will suddenly end (aka a dead-end). - If you are coming from the left or right, then the road you are on keeps going.

In comparison, a crossroads is shaped like a cross (lowercase t, X, etc) and both roads keep going indefinitely after the intersection.

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Kerflumpie@reddit

If you are coming from the road on the bottom, then the road you are on will suddenly end (aka a dead-end).

I mean, yes, but... (and I know it's silly to labour the point, but here's why I didn't quite get it at first:)

In terms of the joke, if you're coming from the leg of the T, then the relationship has two directions to go, and there's no reason why one arm might be a dead-end.

And if you're coming from one of the arms of the T, again, no dead-end is apparent. And you don't tend to think of that situation as a T-junction anyway, because you're usually on the main road and can just keep barrelling through without giving a thought to the side street.

A dead-end has no exit; the joke mentions two possible directions. I think that's my problem in a nutshell.

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Davebobman@reddit

I never said that it was a good joke.

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bluecheckthis@reddit

Ah one of those jokes , where you have to know stuff.

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ohhhhcanada@reddit

Ahh thank you

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Fnordmeister@reddit

At the very least, he realized he was going to sleep on the couch that night.

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Dreacle@reddit

Never, ever call a crossroads a T junction, that's the fatal mistake many men make.

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Gadgetman_1@reddit

Yeah, it's a fork.

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Nathan-Stubblefield@reddit

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.” Yogi Berra

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ChrisFromIT@reddit

i want you to turn left when you come to a fork in the road - Kermit

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grotjam@reddit

I want you to look for a frog and a bear in a brown Studebaker.

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r2killawat@reddit

They name roads after you. Like One Way or Dead End!

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dereklaneVO@reddit

Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament...

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ill_tempered_orchid@reddit

Omg thumbs up for the Vacation reference

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describt@reddit

Favorite line" condescending. That's when I explain stuff to you" Use it with my wife all the time. Even more condescending/patronizing would be if I explained your joke back to you!

BTW I've loved your talks on young men's mental health and life skills lately. You and Scott Galloway have been amazing. I teach college aged (mostly men 18-22) at a technical school and you've been a huge reinforcement whenever I've felt like a lone voice preaching to deaf ears.

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omeralal@reddit

Jimmy Carr official, verified account - didn't expect it in here

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noitallz@reddit

More like Jimmy Valmer_Official

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spleeboy@reddit

What a terrific audience

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DJEmirMixtapes@reddit

T-t-Terrific audience

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FTT1113@reddit

TIMMY!!!!

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BuckyBeaver69@reddit

I'm honored to have read his joke.

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pharaohandrew@reddit

Holy shit

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Head_Razzmatazz7174@reddit

So this is where he tests new jokes for feedback. Smart man.

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davethecompguy@reddit

It's a long way from new.

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numismatic_fanatic@reddit

You can tell because it isn't the least bit funny.

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Razerix@reddit

Ohhh, that's why it's so bad

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N__Aravind@reddit

Not if they're all one-way streets though

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Neither_Wonder6488@reddit

She’s saying your poem doesn’t rhyme

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igor33@reddit

Ah ha ha haaaah!

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CreativeAdeptness477@reddit

Dude, your career must be tanking if you're hanging around this cesspool site.

Still, it's better than Riyadh.

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TreeDollarFiddyCent@reddit

hAhAh^^aaaaa

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Tight-Lavishness-225@reddit

On his way to work, a man had to swerve to avoid a box that fell from a truck in front of him. A few seconds later, a police officer pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer noticed the box on the road. The officers stopped the car and retrieved the box. Inside, they found large upholstery buttons.

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juan-love@reddit

Wow, tuft crowd

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Kneel_The_Grass@reddit

Wow, you're quite pedantic with definitions of words and their interpretation. Too bad you aren't the same when it comes to tax-law.

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willclerkforfood@reddit

Read that in Sean Lock’s voice

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Kneel_The_Grass@reddit

I will live on this compliment for a good while.

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mikkopai@reddit

I can’t belive that Jimmy is stealing and reposting jokes. This one even the pepperidge farm gramps thinks is old.

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ChiefTuftyClubMember@reddit

it's one of his own from 20+ years ago....

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mikkopai@reddit

Ah, csreer criminal, stealing jokes for teo decades

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bbcard1@reddit

Jimmy can sort of be a dick that way.

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RedRox@reddit

jokes on reddit are tax rebates now?

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Potassium_Doom@reddit

At least he fucking paid them when it was pointed out unlike others

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RedRox@reddit

ok jimmy :)

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BigMamaP6@reddit

🤔

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Turbulent_Talk_139@reddit

Odd how a professional comedian makes a joke worse than what the highly regarded reposters can come up with.

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smurph70@reddit

not funny

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Warm-Attempt7773@reddit

Oh Hi Jimmy! Watching a video of yours on YouTube right now. Always like your advice to young men. Always insightful and on point.

My wife, by the way, turned to me the other night and said "Are you listening to me?"
I thought that was a weird way to start a conversation.

That might even be one of yours anyway. Cheers!

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jsleam@reddit

That’s funny, when my wife says “what did I just say?”, I say “ what, weren’t you listening either!”

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azeo_nz@reddit

Mine too!

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innocuous_nub@reddit

Take my upvote sir

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jsleam@reddit

Thank you kind sir!

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kiddrekt@reddit

Jesus Jimmy you must be broke AF if you think you're paying off HMRC with Reddit gold.

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furiousmadgeorge@reddit

he donated this joke to charity and claimed 10 million pounds off his tax bill. smart man.

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pharaohandrew@reddit

Normally I’d say, “HAHAHAAA,” but considering present company-

Ah-ah-ahhh!

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Darkstar_111@reddit

The guy doesn't like paying taxes, I can respect that.

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zqipz@reddit

This is just another tax dodge.

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Tree-of-Root@reddit

I hate the fact that there is an official mark to profiles now... before this every profile was on an equal level. Now people got some way to be superior than the rest of the crowd.

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BlackEngineEarings@reddit

I mean, to be fair, that's really that guy, and you aren't groot, so that's not quite equivalent

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poqpoq@reddit

Why I still use old reddit and Narwhal when on mobile.

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MR_LAFRALDO@reddit

Ah-ah! Ah-ah!

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Fun-Profession-5614@reddit

Not even that. It's a left turn and a cul de sac

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RansomStark78@reddit

Jimmy a car, stole some thing

Nah

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Darkstar_111@reddit

Would it be a T junction if one road is a dead end?

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dansoya@reddit

If you can still go down the road before the dead end then yes

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noSoRandomGuy@reddit

If you have a fork it is T junction regardless of dead end. I guess the lack of 3rd choice makes it a T junction.

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supreme_hammy@reddit

JIMMY CARR IS A REDDITOR?

I love when you guest star on QI! Hope you get another appearance on the show!

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Plokamis@reddit

It is.

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superwizdude@reddit

“When does the comedy start?” 😂😂

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toasty327@reddit

RIP Rack and his mum

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ShallowFatFryer@reddit

Life's not fair

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THYROIDosshorn@reddit

I haven’t spoken to the wife for a fortnight. I haven’t had the chance.

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Azteryx@reddit

It’s so weird, because if you just read this joke as it is, it’s not funny. It’s barely a joke, really. But if you picture Jimmy Carr on stage, delivering it to an audience, then, well, it’s still not funny.

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cnyfury@reddit

Jimmy A Carr? That’s what Ralph Machio has to do to find a place to sleep at night.

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thedilf@reddit

laughs in Jimmy Carr

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Dave1307@reddit

"why did the chicken cross the road?

Because your mum's fat!"

[unrelated sounds of dying seals]

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ArbutusPhD@reddit

I love your routines but there literally no way to know how this hits by just reading it

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RAddit24@reddit

I sat my girlfriend down and gave her a good listening to...

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oceanwaiting@reddit

Genuinely wondering what would happen if I heckled here in reddit.

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Ill-Running1986@reddit

Doooo eeeet!

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Ill-Running1986@reddit

I’ll start: Jimmy, you idiot, that’s a 3 way she’s offering!

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mikkopai@reddit

Yeah, and one of’em is your mum. Eerh, eerh, eerh

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Frido1976@reddit

And the other one is your mum's boyfriend, hah hah, nice 3-way, never to be forgotten!

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bthmh@reddit

I didn’t like that joke. I thought it was overly wordy, but when I thought of it delivered in his voice with his rhythm, it was freaking hilarious.

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Ok-disaster2022@reddit

I would say it's more of cul-de-sac

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BC_Arctic_Fox@reddit

Omfg I could see the look on your face while reading this! Ha! I enjoy your humour & your laugh!

I'm gonna assume soft shoulders made your chat easier? ;)

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FunkyLobster1828@reddit

So, how long did you actually listen to her?

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El_Pepsi@reddit

As a man this didn't feel like a joke but just another conversation between me and the missus.

The guy was perfectly in his right to correct his girlfriend, how will she ever learn otherwise?

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thenasch@reddit

In the video of this that I saw, the crowd laughed and he said "I'm glad you thought it was funny."

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Mr_Vacant@reddit

I thought it mildly amusing.

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TheStaffmaster@reddit

No, that's a fork in the road.

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Main-Dimension7694@reddit

small t is a crossroad

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Main-Dimension7694@reddit

t minor

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bigdickpuncher@reddit

Rereading it in a Jimmy Carr voice, with his inflection and delivery, does it make it funnier. I wonder what the shittiest joke is that Jimmy could make funny?

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roodeeMental@reddit

"If you want my cum back, you're gonna have to get it from your mother's teeth"

Always will be one of my favourite comedians

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