Filthy Marriage Joke.
Posted by Nobodiisdamnbusiness@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 20 comments
Husband and wife married for many Years, every morning the husband wakes up and let's out a Thunderous fart then cackles. One day she glares at him and says "you know, one of these days youre going to shit your guts out." He shrugs it off and they go about life.
Come around to Thanksgiving the wife is downstairs prepping a turkey for dinner, husband is sleeping upstairs in bed. as she pulls the turkeys guts out she gets a clever idea, and sneaks upstairs holding a small handful of the turkeys guts. She tucks them into her husband's underwear.
She goes back downstairs and continues to cook, a short while later the husband wakes up, she hears his usual morning fart, his cackle, then dead silence.
A few minutes later the husband comes down the stairs, he is pale, shaking a little, and looks like a deer in the headlights.
"Is everything okay dear?" She asks without missing a beat.
"Well Yea." The husband says. "But you were right, I did shit my guts out, but with these two fingers and a little determination I got them back up in there."
mvandemar@reddit
Heard this one back in the 80s, but it was friends out hunting and the punchline was, "With a long stick and a little help from God I got them back up in there."
Rubblefan@reddit
God willing and the help of a stick...
NULL_pntr@reddit
I had heard it as "by the grace of God and these 2 fingers"
1LoudAssInfiniti@reddit
So I told my sister this version years ago. And now every time something gets fucked up and I fix it, I say " by the grace of God and these 2 fingers...". Still cracks her up til this day.
tripletc@reddit
I heard it as βwith a little stick and a lot of determination, but also acknowledging the grace of Godβ
KrazyKip@reddit
r/whyonearth
Economy-Dirt-1668@reddit
Funny every time. ππβ¬οΈππ
Imfromsite@reddit
π€£π€£π€£ ew ew ew
SirGreybush@reddit
My wife approved of this joke, great punchline, she never saw or heard it coming.
Kaneida@reddit
holy domestic violence
Kon-Tiki66@reddit
The version I heard was two deer hunters in the woods.
bbobbo_@reddit
Nothing like a little stuffing for Thanksgiving
Simbuk@reddit
Made my wife laugh.
THESIDPROF@reddit
Uh, yuk.
Density5521@reddit
That reminds me of the Marty and Seinfeld joke on Curb Your Enthusiasm. :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9ylu-B2wpw
flying_carabao@reddit
Haha...wait...oh....Oh.....OH NO.
DaFoxtrot86@reddit
I should not be laughing... But I am. I wonder if it'd have been better if she just put some laxative in his mouth while he slept.
Voidbearer2kn17@reddit
Smells linger. What smells worse, undigested meat or digested meat in your bed?
Lahm0123@reddit
Ha. Got a chuckle from me.
Salty-Leek-4027@reddit
That's a good one