A doctor couldn’t get hired at the hospital, so he opened his own clinic.

Posted by lampboy2@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 57 comments

Outside, he hung a sign:

TREATMENT: $20

IF WE CAN’T CURE YOU — YOU GET $100 BACK

A lawyer saw the sign and thought, “I’ll make some easy money.”

He walked in.

Lawyer: “I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

Doctor: “Nurse, bottle No. 14 — three drops on his tongue.”

The lawyer sputters, “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”

Doctor: “Great — your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”

Irritated, the lawyer returned a few days later.

Lawyer: “I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”

Doctor: “Bottle No. 14 again — three drops.”

Lawyer: “Hey! That’s kerosene! You gave me that last time!”

Doctor: “Perfect — your memory is back. That’ll be $20.”

Fuming, the lawyer came back one more time.

Lawyer: “My eyesight is terrible. I can’t see a thing.”

Doctor: “I’m afraid we can’t help with that. Here — take this $100.”

The lawyer looks at the bill.

“Hey… this is only $20!”

Doctor: “And just like that… your eyesight is restored. That’ll be $20.”

[-]

AmazingGrace911@reddit

Love it, but maybe change it to, “Hey, this is a bill for $20!!”

BorelandsBeard@reddit

You must be young. It isn’t a bill for $20. He was handed a $20 bill as his refund.

I-RegretMyNameChoice@reddit

Are you kidding? A lawyer could tell the difference between a dollar bill and paper bill quicker than a bank teller.

Arrasor@reddit

Disagree. Lawyers wouldn't know, they would have never worked for chump change to know a dollar bill.

Occasion-Mental@reddit

But they do know what small bills look like, because 1's & 2's are used for the strippers.

Of course snorting coke is a 100.

Pale_Image_8071@reddit

Confucius says, if watch falls in toilet, you'll have shitty time.

In2TheMaelstrom@reddit

Man who goes through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

donnygel@reddit

Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day

SimonNicols@reddit

While it is good for boy to meet girl in park, it is better for boy to park meat in girl.

He also say Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.

Chiefbutterbean@reddit

Man who eats jelly beans, farts in Technicolor.

Flatstan71@reddit

Man who goes to bed with itchy arse wakes up with smelly finger.

tumunu@reddit

Haven't you heard? ALL jokes are translations of an old Chinese joke.

pm_me_your_kindwords@reddit

Here’s a Klingon-style translation. Some wording is adapted because Klingon does not map neatly to all English joke phrasing:

```text ropyaHmeyDaq vummeH Qel luwIvbe’, vaj ropyaHHomDaj poSmoH.

HurDaq Degh lan:

QELMEH: $20

pIQellaHbe’chugh — $100 boHevqa’

Degh legh lawyer, ’ej Qub: “Huch ngeD vISuqlaH.”

’el.

lawyer: “wa’ Dol vISopDI’, vItIvlaHbe’. mum laHwIj vIchIlpu’.”

Qel: “ghuS, HIvje’ mI’ wa’maH loS — jatDajDaq wej chuchHom yIchagh.”

tlhuH lawyer: “ugh! kerosene ’oH!”

Qel: “maj — mum laHlIj cheghpu’. $20 yIDIl.”

QeHchoH lawyer. jaj puS pIq chegh.

lawyer: “qaw laHwIj vIchIlpu’. pagh vIqawlaH.”

Qel: “HIvje’ mI’ wa’maH loSqa’ — wej chuchHom.”

lawyer: “toH! kerosene ’oH! benHom wa’logh choHutlhmoHpu’!”

Qel: “pup — qaw laHlIj cheghpu’. $20 yIDIl.”

QeHqu’ lawyer. wa’logh cheghqa’.

lawyer: “mInDu’wIj qabqu’. pagh vIleghlaH.”

Qel: “Do’Ha’, qay’vam wIQaHlaHbe’. naDev — $100 yItlhap.”

Huch nav legh lawyer.

“toH… $20 neH ’oH!”

Qel: “vaj DaH mInDu’lIj tIghajqa’. $20 yIDIl.”

Old_Fart_on_pogie@reddit

There is no Klingon word for Lawyer? Some how that makes the original joke even funnier in klingon.

fursnake7@reddit

They got the idea from Shakespeare’s “Henry the VI part 2”, which was also better in the original Klingon.

I was hoping someone would pick up on that.

piezocuttlefish@reddit

My translator says it's chut qeSwI', so probably just an oversight.

PeregrineV@reddit

The lack of the reddit translate button saddens me.

BlackEngineEarings@reddit

I used to have a character on a MUD named Qel. Apparently he was a Klingon doctor.

xcountersboy@reddit

Me thinks one word is spelt wrong. I will leave you to find out which one!

I think this is C++.

CheesyMacarons@reddit

I originally heard this joke in Urdu from my Pakistani grandfather who had never been outside the country, so who knows?

MoobyTheGoldenSock@reddit

This joke is so old that a doctor’s visit is $20.

TheDocMike@reddit

I too giggled at your giggling at their giggle 🤭

I know of a similar tale, about a doctor who claimed he could diagnose any condition given a urine sample, and if he couldn't figure out what was wrong with you, he'd give you $100. A man had tennis elbow, and figured it would be impossible to diagnose that from a urine sample, so he went to see the doctor. He was given a sample collection cup and told to bring it home and fill it up and bring it back the next day.

Once he gets home, the man urinates in the cup, confident that he will collect his $100. But then he decides to make it even more challenging. He has his wife and daughter also pee in the cup. Then he gets his dog to pee in the cup. Finally, he jerks off into the cup. Now absolutely certain that the $100 is his, he returns the cup to the doctor's office.

The next day, he gets a text from the doctor's office. It says, "Your wife has gonorrhea, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has worms, and if you don't stop jerking off, you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow."

Good old Number 157

"Good old Number X" when somebody posts a joke that has been seen before is good old Number 17.

Not this time…. With the Chinese conversion rate it increased to 157