A Russian, an American, and a British admiral were having a drink on an American aircraft carrier. They were talking about the bravery of their sailors
Posted by xena_lawless@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 99 comments
The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.”
He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up.”
The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes.
The Russian says, “That, gentlemen, is courage."
The American says, “That's nothing.”
He calls over a PO and says, “I want you to jump off the bows. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return."
The PO salutes, jumps off the bow, swims to the stern, and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes.
The American says, “That, gentlemen, is courage."
The British admiral says, “That's nothing. Sailor, come here."
The matelot comes to attention and salutes.
The admiral says, “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam then climb up the mast and do it again."
The matelot looks at the admiral and says, “You can fuck right off, sir!”
The admiral turns to the other two and says, “And that, gentlemen, is courage."
OkMarsupial9634@reddit
Guess it’s a variation on the classic “[Elite University] finals philosophy exam contains the question: “What is courage?”. A student walks out after less than a minute with the answer books containing the single sentence “This is” and gets a first.
Rudythecat07@reddit
Dude my friend's older sister had something similar happen in her philosophy class! One of the essay questions at the end of her exam said, "Is this a question?" Her reply, "If it is, then this is the answer." Got full points.
JohnnyOneLung@reddit
Didn’t happen. This is a joke from the 50’s at least
GuestStarr@reddit
Yes it could be but it still doesn't mean it could not have happened.
wrongitsleviosaa@reddit
Nooo, nothing in history has ever happened more than once, we are almost out of happenings
Rudythecat07@reddit
Yes.
And the prof heard it. And he liked it. And he decided to put it on an exam, I'm assuming, for laughs and for points because it is a thought-provoking question for a first year philosophy class, joke or not.
Raneynickelfire@reddit
Metaphysics class. Test question is "describe this chair at the front of the room."
Student writes "what chair?" And turns it in for 100%.
OkSeaworthiness2727@reddit
Your friend's older sister must've been well read as that is an old joke
Rudythecat07@reddit
Well not her, her professor. I saw the exam. Entertaining himself I'm sure. I had one that loved adding a joke option on multiple choice tests lol. Always relevant and lame- great stuff lol.
godfromabove256@reddit
Haha! Finally a joke that isn't obscure, easily understandable, and still funny
ramplocals@reddit
What is a matelot?
Random-Name303@reddit
Royal Navy slang for a sailor
1people2peoples@reddit
French word for shipmate.
thiswontendwellatall@reddit
And because it looks different to how it's said, I'll add that it's pronounced 'matt-low'.
JollyOutcome88@reddit
Because they mate a lot.
graboidian@reddit
It's kind of like a Matta Baby.
ClosetLadyGhost@reddit
Saw it a coming a kilometre away
TheActualJonesy@reddit
5.72 nautical furlongs
Upset-Win2558@reddit
I saw it from 0.6 miles
Botucal@reddit
I saw it from 0,539957 nautical miles.
godfromabove256@reddit
I saw it from 588 smoots away.
_-corsario-_@reddit
I saw it from a nautical mile away.
SonOfACB@reddit
Back in the day this was an intersevice joke between AF , Army and Navy with the Navy Sailor being last with that response.
Dangerous-Cause1964@reddit
I heard the Marine version of it.
Careflwhatyouwish4@reddit
Air Force version, which actually makes more sense. The Chair Force is absolutely the service that would and could respond that way. 🤣🤣🤣✈️🧑✈️
Asharak78@reddit
Do the Air Force even know how to swim?
skoriaan@reddit
Yes. Every base we have has AT LEAST one pool.
DonpedroSB2@reddit
Seaplanes……
Careflwhatyouwish4@reddit
Not on purpose. 🤷
TankMan77450@reddit
Former Army guy here. He’d leave and not come back for a few days. Drunk off his ass & laughing.
Theblackjamesbrown@reddit
And then they bum each other
Texfun13@reddit
We told it with the Coast Guard PO flipping off the Admiral, and walking away.
MojoLamp@reddit
I heard it, the sailor was a seabee
peanutz456@reddit
There is probably a version of this all over the world. I've heard it in another language.
Waste_Ingenuity5535@reddit
Not a knob a noob get it right. Americans call a new recruit noobs
Unfamiliar_Notation@reddit
Is there a mast on an aircraft carrier?
TheOnsiteEngineer@reddit
Yes, probably several masts holding things like radio antennas, radar installations, lights, etc.
CALebrate83@reddit
Damn, a good British Navy joke that didn’t involve rum, sodomy, or the lash
florinandrei@reddit
I would like to hear one that involves all three.
PlacidPlatypus@reddit
Sadly they banned corporal punishment and stopped giving out rum rations, so now the Royal Navy runs on sodomy and sodomy alone.
hidock42@reddit
The Pogues can help you with that
thebprince@reddit
Great album!
RIP Shane you crazy bastard
alppu@reddit
Take the joke above, mention the sailor smells of rum, and change his response to "go fuck a goat, I don't care about lashes".
Birdapotamus@reddit
There was sodomy but it wasn't important to the joke.
Emergency-Airline960@reddit
A dull affair innit
bumscum@reddit
Not as dull as your weather innit? 😂
1stredditrabbithole@reddit
There's no more pain there's no more sorrow
BallsOutKrunked@reddit
The beauty of their women propelled the British navy all around the globe.
the_card_guy@reddit
Erhem... I believe it goes, "The local food, weather and women made the British the best sailors around the world"
Raneynickelfire@reddit
Don't forget your limes!
Threefrogtreefrog@reddit
Great album
Arthropodesque@reddit
We don't know what transpired after the joke suddenly ended. Surely, there will be paperwork.
yIdontunderstand@reddit
That came after the reply...
Birdapotamus@reddit
A Brit, Chinese, Japanese, Soviet, and American are on cliffs edge. The Brit says, "I do this for my country!" and jumps off to his death. The Chinese not be out done quickly does the same thing as does the Japanese. Then the American boldly screams, "This is for my country!" and shoves the Soviet off the cliff.
peperere@reddit
A Russian admiral, a British admiral, an American admiral, and a Mexican admiral are on a ship.
The Russian says: “This is the finest vodka from Russia…” and throws it into the sea. “In my country, we have so much it doesn’t matter.”
The British says: “This is the best whisky from the United Kingdom…” and throws it overboard. “We have plenty of it.”
The American looks around… then looks at the Mexican…
Suddenly, he grabs him… and throws him into the sea!
The others shout: “Hey! What are you doing?!”
And the American replies: “In the United States… we’ve got plenty of those.”
neityght@reddit
Wtf is a PO. Can't you just say "sailor"?
muswellwva@reddit
Officers usually graduate from Annapolis, petty officers begin enlisted service at pay grade E-1 in boot camp and begin P. O. 3rd class, 2nd class, 1st class, Chief Petty officer, Senior Chief Petty officer, Master Chief.
woodgie2@reddit
Petty Officer?
Lorelessone@reddit
A survey tech friend of mine told me why his company, which installs fibre optic cable links, doesn't let any of the mostly British technical people near any of the press things.
It was a long to Scandinavia I think and they'd finished the beach pull and done initial tests in basically a tent. The local mayor and press were visiting to sort of ribbon cut so the company asked the tech to pretend to be testing to communications link for the look of it. So the toffs arrive and come to see and this legend gathers up the fibre strands then shouts "CAN YOU HEAR ME!" down them at the top of his lungs.
neityght@reddit
Wot? Your storytelling skills need work.
VicisSubsisto@reddit
Management wanted the guy to pretend to do tests he'd already done, for a photo op. So, to protest, he "tested" the fiber-optic cable by yelling into it to see if his counterpart in Britain could hear (which obviously wouldn't work).
bumscum@reddit
U WOT M8?!?!
Beewthanitch@reddit
This is hilarious, thanks for the belly laugh!
Emotional-Net130@reddit
There's a similar joke in Russian. Understandably, it is the Russian sailor who tells his general to go fuck himself
yIdontunderstand@reddit
Meatwaves says no...
Emotional-Net130@reddit
Get a grip, man. Fuck politics, it's a sub for jokes
yIdontunderstand@reddit
The idea of Russian soldiers saying no is a joke.
rytis@reddit
Russian soldiers do say no, a lot! And then they get shot. That's courage.
Emotional-Net130@reddit
OK, you asked for it. Fuck you, sir, and have a nice day
canyoncitysteve@reddit
A PO is a Petty Officer for anyone wondering
classifiedspam@reddit
Nice, didn't hear this one before.
Random-Name303@reddit
Friend of a friend served in the British Army in the Korean War as a NCO. One night his C.O. ordered him to do something very dangerous to which he responded "fuck off". The officer got very upset and asked him to repeat what he said, which he did, adding a "sir" afterwards. This placated the officer who realised the order was incredibly stupid and let it go.
SpaceBug176@reddit
He was then shot 57 times.
jakubkonecki@reddit
The real joke here is that the aircraft carrier came with masts.
blackthornjohn@reddit
Name one that doesn't have a radio mast! Although yeah the line ".....highest mast" does imply multiple masts and invoke images of ships masts, but honestly the Ark royal had 6 or 8 plus a radio mast so maybe it's an old joke.
johnarb12@reddit
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why the British military is a joke nowdays. (Especially since he would have told the admiral to fuck off even if he asked him to do something simple)
WordsAtRandom@reddit
Knob
thesmartass1@reddit
JFC, that's a lot of weird in one comment history.
False_Claim9144@reddit
Damn had to check wish I didn't.
Dragonsbane2001@reddit
I really should’ve taken this warning
AdorableShoulderPig@reddit
Oh boy...
Altaredboy@reddit
Reminds me of when I first got on reddit. Somebody picked an argument with me over something I said. They were comically wrong so I looked at their post history to try & work out if they were trolling or what & it was literally hundreds of pictures to a sub that was something like r/micropenis
Nyorliest@reddit
What an astonishing post history. Impressive that this stupid comment is the best thing there.
sibips@reddit
In my country that's not a job for hardened men, it's something women do. "Want someone to swim under the ship? Ask your mother."
jarod0102@reddit
And it's how your winning wars...
Local-Block-4466@reddit
Nah, 50 years ago the generals were from Great Britain, France and Poland. They were told to climb a flag pole and jump off, with the Pole finally telling his general to go to Hell.
HamletHomer@reddit
‘Cos he was fed up being climbed?
Friendly-Channel-480@reddit
Very funny!
Grandma_Gertie@reddit
Heard it as a Russian Army General, a Chinese Navy Admiral, and an American Air Force General
SpoiledKoolAid@reddit
sadly that just ruins the joke.
Nyorliest@reddit
It's exactly the same joke?
Grandma_Gertie@reddit
Well yes, it's a joke at their expense.
FormulaZer0@reddit
30GB HDD ?! Somebody's showing off !
Facial_Factory@reddit
Always heard it as us navy, marine, and coast guard officers, good to know it's more universal than that
Necessary-Look1116@reddit
Courage isn’t necessarily about taking unlawful orders from superiors.
Fine-Gas-1898@reddit
That’s a great one. Even made my wife bust up when I repeated it to her. 90% of the jokes on here are rubbish and so it was a genuine surprise. Well done!
Apprehensive_lad1960@reddit
Beautiful, cracked me up 🤣
Late-Opinion-2191@reddit
Love it!
Johnny-Alucard@reddit
Lovely