An elderly man lay dying in his bed.
Posted by nothinlefttochoose@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 42 comments
In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled mess. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
smiledontcry@reddit
This just makes me really sad.
DetN8@reddit
Right, like someday you'll eat your last chocolate chip cookie without realizing it. (Applies to everything else too.)
martphon@reddit
This is my last Reddit reply?
RecalcitrantHuman@reddit
Yes you have 10…
mani_tapori@reddit
9...
Solar1729@reddit
8
lensersatz@reddit
7
RadioCarpet@reddit
RIP 😢
Fossilhund@reddit
We didn't want to ruin your evening...
Visible_Star_4036@reddit
I hope I never eat prawns again!
Zwalt@reddit
who puts cookies on newspapers? Yuck.
GomerStuckInIowa@reddit
Don’t ever ask how they used to bake 50+ years ago. And the cookies were better then too.
SilentEngineering975@reddit
50+ years ago. I assume that's based on the age of the joke.
AnonAnonymous2024@reddit
100% it is definitely true they don't make 'em like they used to. They likely never will again.
sfcnmone@reddit
Trans fats were so tasty.
DetN8@reddit
Yeah, would the print transfer like with silly putty? Can I read Ziggy on the back of my cookie?
Zwalt@reddit
Going old school there!
bussinbeats@reddit
Probably the only food safe for him to eat. She didn’t poison those cookies if they are for guests
funnyguy99207@reddit
We can hope!
Safeword-is-banana@reddit
Hly sht that’s a good one, the turn really got me. Cheers, friend.
VVageslave@reddit
When I heard the joke 40 years ago, it was aniseed biscotti
PearlyBunny@reddit
Last time, they were tamales.
kiddrekt@reddit
It's my turn to tell it tomorrow. I'll make sure they are the best tamales I've ever described.
Perfect_Drummer1925@reddit
Okay but then I get dumplings on Monday
SpellingIsAhful@reddit
I feel like I just read this joke on here
Makonn5591@reddit
Wife is so cruel!
Oops sorry "Life ....".
ironworkerlocal577@reddit
You had it right the first time.
cwthree@reddit
"Pendejo, those are for after the funeral!"
EkyngYT@reddit
Nah you gotta come back and haunt her ahh after that.
dave200204@reddit
Come back as a poltergeist for the funeral and flip over all of the cookie trays!
Valuable-Paramedic93@reddit
Ibrahim wearily pulled himself up from his death bed , and said " "Sarah , my wife are you here ? "Yes, I am Ibrahim, .." "Hasina ,my daughter are you here ?" "Yes , dad I'm here.. " "Shiraz , my son are you here ? "
"Ok, all the family is here, let's go together , and he pressed the suicide vest trigger .....
zipzipzip246@reddit
Holy big LOL!! That was hilarious!!
DueWeb8338@reddit
Holy cripes! Longest most drawn out version of a joke already heard
AttackCircus@reddit
The joke is in the drag.
PhotoJoseph@reddit
Holy crap I think this foretells my own last moments. Can’t wait to show this to my wife 😅
Uncal_Thal@reddit
Well executed.
Human_Damage7428@reddit
OMG! I thought that he was going from old age.
mordecai98@reddit
Hands off! They haven't cooled off yet.
coolreg214@reddit
You shouldn’t be eating those they’re bad for you!
jungl3j1m@reddit
Nor has he.
Unlikely-Ad9537@reddit
I was thinking where is joke but at last it was funny.
Chippy668@reddit
Quality