A clown walks into a bar.

Posted by SwedishIngots@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 43 comments

His demeanor is awful. He asks the bartender for a shot, but tells him he won't be able to pay for it.

The bartender takes one look at his face and decides he needs it. "Sure, buddy. You look awful. Wanna talk about it?""

The clown downs the shot and says "My God. Today is the worst day of my life. I'm in town for a comedy show, but my Joke Gopher was stolen, the show was cancelled, my hotel reservation was cancelled because of the show, and my bank accounts have been frozen!" He slumps in his seat and shakes his head.

The bartender pours him another shot. "Wow, that's a really awful day. I'm sorry, but what's a Joke Gopher?"

The clown shakes his head again. "Not much these days, or I wouldn't be begging for drinks!"

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mocenigo@reddit

I am not sure I get this one…

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SaintCholo@reddit

Lying Lorenzo is running down a mountain, hauling ass at full speed, in the sierra madre, when some ladies washing clothes at the River see him and say to each other “hey there’s lying Lorenzo let’s tell him to tell us one of his whoppers, they’re always entertaining” so they stop him and say:

Hey Lorenzo tell us one of your big tales…

Lorenzo: I’m sorry ladies, I can’t right now, there’s a huge tornado is swiftly coming ob the other side of the mountain, I just hope I can get to town in time to warn everybody…

He hauls ass out there and heads to town resuming his fast pace. The ladies all frantically gather their wet clothing and desperately start running back to town.

The tornado never shows up and the ladies confront lying Lorenzo.

“Why did you tell us that a tornado was swiftly coming over the mountain?

Lorenzo: You told me to tell you whopper!!!

(Old Mexican joke my dad told me as a kid, he passed away last year at 102, so yes I’m teary-eyed as I type this)

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pete1729@reddit

Dios te bendiga, padre.

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Drkindlycountryquack@reddit

He also drives a Rolls Canardly. Roles down one hill. Canhardly make it up the next.

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New-Job1761@reddit

In Germany in 1964-65 everyone used the expression Mox Nix, roughly men’s no difference. Back in the states the waitress asked my wife what she would like on her hamburger and she replied mox nix. The waitress paused and said I don’t think we have any. I cracked up.

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travellering@reddit

"Machts nichts" means makes nothing. If you're out of "makes nothing", then you absolutely have something...

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CornerCases@reddit

The literal words mean “makes nothing” but the semantic meaning is “doesn’t matter”.

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New-Job1761@reddit

Exactly. A cartoon showed a wife displaying a dented fender to her soldier hubby. Caption read, it’s alright, dear. He gave me his name. It’s Max Nix. Husband looks really ticked.

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