Three men walk into a bar, sit down and order three beers. The first man has an iguana on his shoulder, the second man is holding a cat but not wearing any pants, and the third man is covered head-to-toe in bees.
Posted by Jokeminder42@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 52 comments
The bartender sets a beer in front of the first man and asks, "What's the deal with the iguana?"
The first man says, "Oh, I'm recently unemployed. I was a zookeeper, actually, and since I like reptiles, they let me keep him as part of my severance package."
The bartender sets a beer in front of the second man and asks about his situation.
"I just got divorced. My wife took everything-- the house, the kids, the car, even most of my clothes. All I have left is this cat that I love."
Lastly, the bartender sets a beer in front of the man covered in bees and asks him, "All right, what's your story?"
And the man with the bees screams, "Get these frigging bees off me!"
Vegetable_Rabbit7056@reddit
A kid on a pirate ship asks, "Captain, how did you get that hook for a hand?" The pirate says, "A sword fight!" The kid asks, "What about the peg leg?" The pirate says, "A cannonball!" The kid asks, "What about the eye patch?" The pirate replies, "A seagull pooped in me eye." The kid says, "A seagull? That doesn't seem so bad." The pirate replies, "It was me first day with the hook."
asherwolfstein@reddit
There is a much simpler version of this joke:
Two sausages were rolling around in a frying pan.
One sausage turns to the other and says, βIs it getting hot in here?β
The other sausage replies, βOH MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!β
sjwilli@reddit
This is my new favorite joke
Malalang@reddit
The man with the bees slapped his chest and killed a couple of bees, turning them into ghosts.
He suddenly developed a pair of boo-bees.
Unhappy-Coconut-1857@reddit
This is funnier than the original post! ππ
qatch23@reddit
The first guy has a reptile dysfunction
WhiskeyAndWinks@reddit
100% π
LoneR33GTs@reddit
Of course someone comes along and quickly makes a pun. I just newt would happen.
Malalang@reddit
"Iguana tap it, but I have a reptile dysfunction. "
davisyoung@reddit
βI would love to say, βI caiman everything worked normally.ββ
toxcrusadr@reddit
We're done here. No point in reading any further.
delicious-croissant@reddit
Crickets π¦ π¦π¦
dachjaw@reddit
And a bad case of painful reptile itch.
KidKilobyte@reddit
Get that cat some pants!
Kwolfe1207@reddit
Boots and pants!
nb6635@reddit
Just wearing socks
Clickguy10@reddit
Sox is the name of the cat.
Jagsfan2025@reddit
I donβt understand. Please explain to those of us that rode the short bus to school.
Jokeminder42@reddit (OP)
Most (all?) jokes are about thwarting expectations. The setup provides an explanation for the iguana and the cat, and so you are expecting an explanation for the bees as well. The punchline thwarts that expectation; he's just a guy covered with friggin' bees.
Jerremiah275@reddit
Why would he order a beer in the 1st place?
Rreader369@reddit
He probably should have said something when he walked in. Letting the other two blather on about their lives kinda kills the urgency of his exclamation. He was Beeing way too patient.
NowWatchMeThwip616@reddit
Hey, just because you're covered in bees doesn't mean you can't have manners.
Money-Pay-6278@reddit
Well, I was expecting a punch line, and my expectations were certainly thwarted!
Lucyyyyyy_K@reddit
I believe it's an anti-joke
blahmeistah@reddit
How was the man with the cat going to pay for his drink?
abqcheeks@reddit
He can put it on his tabby
og-lollercopter@reddit
This response is incredible.
ImGCS3fromETOH@reddit
Or use his pussy pass
Evening-Tomatillo-47@reddit
Purr fect response there
Spectrum7958@reddit
Once more with feline.
Malalang@reddit
Whose feline is it anyway?
Stekor-Tidder@reddit
He didn't articulate his three wishes clearly enough to genie years earlier. He got a wife with big boobies and a tight pussy but his marriage didn't work out. The boobies flew away so he was left with just the cat which he expected would pay but he forgot that it was too tight with its money.
Doh, I might be confusing this joke with another.π€
cryptozoophagist@reddit
Prison pocket - not just for prison anymore
tomorrow509@reddit
Don't ask meow.
toxcrusadr@reddit
I don't know but at least he can hold the cat in front of his nakedidity. He'll be covered in pussy.
LebronDoubleDribbled@reddit
This is good news, he can finally be bees
BioletVeauregarde33@reddit
Isn't that literally the opening of the fairy tale Puss in Boots? A guy can't divide up his belongings properly so the youngest kid only gets the cat?
Parking_War979@reddit
Laughed out loud! New to me, and I love it!
Unuhpropriate@reddit
I read this in Norm McDonalds voice.
Which is the correct way to read it
Dexter_P_Winterhouse@reddit
As usual the comments are better than the joke.
Malalang@reddit
But it all starts with the joke.
Odd_Tea_2100@reddit
I asked for beers and got bees at the last bar.
Malalang@reddit
Shoulda went to a pirate bar. They have plenty of rrrrs to go around.
No-Buy503@reddit
Finally a funny joke.
Dragnwon52@reddit
?
AE_WILLIAMS@reddit
A giant, a gorilla and a young boy walk into the bar, and the bees swarm the boy. He calmly sits down at a table, next to the ape.
The giant thinks for a moment, and then points at each in turn:
Yer an ape, bee, 'Arry.
Get me a butterbeer, Hagrid...
boojiec@reddit
Thatβs terrible, Jelly!
AE_WILLIAMS@reddit
I think it's maybe a bit too obtuse.
APE BEE ARRY == Apiary.
SilverLakeSimon@reddit
The third man was named Ness. He asked the bartender if he could pay for his beer with bees, but the bartender told him, βI want none of your bees, Ness.β
socialchild@reddit
Nine beers won't be enough
mjtt_downing@reddit
You had me right up to the tail end. I hate bees.
sliever48@reddit
Love it. My kind of joke