My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?” So I took her to dinner and a movie...
Posted by 808gecko808@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 48 comments
Then dropped her off at her parents’ house.
Trapper_JohnMD@reddit
I would do this but the cemetery gates lock at sundown.
montessor@reddit
Because people are dying to get in
DoFr56@reddit
But very few are actually there when they die!
Never_Gonna_Let@reddit
That's what bolt cutters are for. Security around most cemeteries is pretty light. Just cut some holes in a sheet and if any cops show up, you don't have to worry about getting harassed, you can just pretend like you are a fellow clansman.
Trapper_JohnMD@reddit
Security is light? That surprises me. I heard people are dying to get in.
Mmachina@reddit
I thought your exact words in my head before even seeing your comment. I was going to reply. Then I read your comment. The most strange experience of Deja Vu I’ve ever had!
DoFr56@reddit
Ain’t nobody really keeping you out, sept for the bean counters. I don’t know why. They will wind up there too!
TheDevilsAdvokaat@reddit
I actually knew a guy whose ad ran a cemetery.and their house was actually inside, in the middle of a HUGE cemetery (Largest workign cemetery in the southern hemisphere in fact)
He had a few problems bringing girls home. And he always did the first time in daylight.
implicit_feelings@reddit
And then he went to his parents home.
ComatoseSquirrel@reddit
Oh fuck that.
OldElvis1@reddit
Without a blowjob
WetTruckman@reddit
Why are you complaining? I bought the cow.
(In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have used the word 'cow.')
Makonn5591@reddit
My late father-in-law used to call my late mother-on-law "the old cow" ... to her face ... she used to smile!
I guess anything can be a term of endearment!
VanleyVonHoffler@reddit
He milked her.
DoFr56@reddit
Yes, and she got him rock hard one more time, to last forever (embalmed)
SwordfishHot7330@reddit
hahahaha
HopefulPlantain5475@reddit
It's funny because the wife is a bad hang and he doesn't like her.
needmorefishes@reddit
Never mind him. He’s bananas
LicknDragon@reddit
I've no fishes to give but you can have an award. Take it and get out.
needmorefishes@reddit
My first award! Thank you lickndragon. Leaving now
eyeswulf@reddit
The joke is, he hates his wife. Get it, men?
handsoapp@reddit
Thanks Peter
tfhdeathua@reddit
Man. This guy really understands humor.
boywholived_299@reddit
He must be the life of parties
CriusofCoH@reddit
A symptom of a grouping
adventuresofDrWatson@reddit
As a woman who’s been married for more than 10 years I would love this date
Luvs_to_drink@reddit
Until you realize he left the kids at your parents to babysit and you now get to deal with all of them by yourself while he gets free time, which triggers your anxiety of what is he doing with that free time.
Edwin81@reddit
Probably sitting in the back yard, enjoying the rare moment of peace and quiet with a cold one while talking to the neighbours dog.
DoFr56@reddit
Because you are allergic to pet dander! Did not see that coming at 19 when we got married. (That is one of those compromises I was allowed to make) No pets.
Edwin81@reddit
Buddy, check out Australian labradoodles.
Most folks with allergies don't respond to these dogs and they're great family dogs.
Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit
Is "a cold one" the dog's cold nose, or a beer?
Realistic_Resort_729@reddit
As a girl child,, I sometimes really wish my parents would go to their own parents and just leave me alone.
LanceFree@reddit
I was dating a girl for a few weeks and that happened. She lived at home with her parents, who were 60-70 and her elder brother and his wife showed up and suddenly I was in an awkward unfamiliar space.
slade51@reddit
The real joke is in the plot twist.
Desperate_Process_89@reddit
😂
I_Saw_The_Duck@reddit
Archie Bunker’s response was something like “Edith, when you catch the bus, you don’t keep running”
Sooo funny (but not in real life). The use of that metaphor always cracked me up.
balrob@reddit
Don’t forget, you tried to feel her up on the car ride home.
fbritt5@reddit
After I dropped her off, I went to her best friend's house, just like I used to do. Should have married her friend!
jasonabaum@reddit
Plot twist. Both parents are dead and she's now locked in a mausoleum.
SilverLakeSimon@reddit
Juliet?
anynamesleft@reddit
That took a morbid turn.
NinjaPenguin75@reddit
Right into the cemetery
CFella@reddit
Good ending
One_Economist_3761@reddit
A friend once invited me to his house and told me to “make myself at home”
So I kicked him out because I don’t like visitors.
Liv1ng-the-Blues@reddit
"Dinner" was at Steak and Shake
Liv1ng-the-Blues@reddit
Dinner was at Applebee's of course.
GampaR53@reddit
Nice zinger at the end!
Waitsfornoone@reddit
My wife told me it was best date we've had since the kids started showing up.